Plankton quotes from SpongeBob SquarePants

[barges in the Chum Bucket] You!

Eugene?

I came to warn you, Plankton. Stay away from me mother! I know what you're really up to.

I'm serious, Eugene. I've changed my ways. And all it took was the love of a beautiful woman.

All you like is thieving and conniving. Now, stop trying to get the formula out of me mother!

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the Krabby Patty formula!

Your mother knows the Krabby Patty formula?

Don't play stupid with me. Of course she does. It's an old Krabs family recipe, and you're not family! [Plankton frowns] I'm telling you for the last time - stay away from me mother. [walks out]

Not family, eh? I can fix that.

Exactly! They've all been just attempts. And every single one a miserable failure. I can feel my arteries clogging up with anxiety just thinking about it. [sighs] Let me show you something. [scene cuts to them walking into the Chum Bucket, which is full of spider webs] Look at this place!

[runs into a spider web and screams] Criminy, Plankton, you ever heard of spring cleaning?

What's the point? Do you know when the last time I had a customer was?

Actually, I don't recall you ever having a customer.

Well, there he is. [points to rat skeleton on the table] That's why I've decided to quit the restaurant business altogether, and turn the Chum Bucket into... [pulls out a box of knick knacks] this!

Ah. A clean snow globe is a happy snow globe. [laughs]

Plankton! You may have fooled everyone else, you might have even fooled yourself, but you ain't fooling me.

Oh, I get it. You caught me red-handed. [laughs then sighs] Those were the days, huh, Eugene?

Grr...

But I found there more to life than just trying to steal your formula. And I found it all right here in novelty items.

Bubkes.

Ah, Eugene. Stuck in your old ways.

Bubkes! If there's one thing certain in this world, it's that you can't resist me formula. [takes out the formula] You know you want it.

Thanks...but no.

A-ha, I knew it. [chuckles] It was all a trick to get me to hand over...Wait, did you say no?

Well, if you don't believe me, that's your problem not mine.

Problem?! I don't have a problem! You're the one with the problem! Look at this. It means nothing. It's all a facade, a hoax, a con, a front... [throws a shelf down; Plankton gasps] ...A sham, a snow job... [throwing the snow globes onto the ground and breaking them] ...Bologna with a side of flimflam and an order of Jive! [smashes the lava lamps with the baseball bat] See?! Who's the one with the problem?!

Look what you've done. This is my livelihood.

Sure it is. And this isn't the formula that you don't want. Come on, eh? Eh? Oop, too slow. [chuckles tauntingly]

[lividly bellowing] Get out!

[gasps] Oh, I get it. Stick to your guns, and eventually we'll all believe it. Soften us up and when our backs are turned, you'll make your move. [drops the formula] Oops. [walks out of the Chumporium]

What's this? [groans] Hey, Krabs!

I knew you'd come back.

You forgot something. [throws the formula back at Mr. Krabs] Can't you understand I've wasted so much time chasing after you? And now I have something that's mine. And it makes me happy. [walks back into the Chumporium]

[realizing that Plankton was telling the truth] I never thought I'd see the day. What happened to the invertebrate I used to know? [becoming upset] Plankton? [cries loudly, he runs across the road and falls down crying some more]

What's the secret ingredient, Karen?

Karen

Well, it appears that the main ingredient is: Kelp Juice.

Just kelp juice?

And to think this whole time I could've been selling these meself!

You? What about me? If anyone, I deserve to make a buck of selling this stuff.

[removes the glass container and takes kelp juice] No way, pipsqueak. This gold mine is mine.

Not if I can help it. [jumps at Mr. Krabs, but goes between his eyes and splatters into the wall] Ow.

[cackling] Nice try. [about to take a sip]

Karen

I wouldn't do that if I were you; There's another ingredient.

Hey, I paid good money for this thing! Of course I'm gonna drink it. [takes a sip then spits it out] What the...?! I don't get what the big deal is. This tastes like a wet gym sock.

Really? Let me try that. [Plankton sips the drink and puckers his lips] Actually, there is a bit of a pungent aftertaste.

Hmmm. [sips again and puckers his lips] Hey, you're right. This ain't half bad. [takes another sip and laughs] This is amazing.

Well, don't be selfish. [sips and laughs] Oh yeah.

Karen

Oh no...

[he sips in the rest of the drink until he sucks in the cup] Krabs, we're all out of juice!

Well, we gotta get more!

Karen

You're making a big mistake!

Ah, phooey! You don't know what you're talking about! [he walks out with Plankton] ♪Kelpshake, Kelpshake. Oh, how I love a Kelpshake.♪

SpongeBob

[runs up crying covered in yellowish-green fur] What's happening to me?! [Mr. Krabs and Plankton gasp in shock when they see SpongeBob covered in green kelp and he's naked] They've shut down the Kelpshakes restaurants! [nearly crying as he runs off]

Huh? [they both see workers sucking out all the liquid which is toxic waste in the Kelpshake restaurant that says "CLOSED FOREVER"]

It'll take decades to clean this hazardous material up.

I sure feel sorry for whoever drank this. [Mr. Krabs screams as he is growing yellowish-green kelp fur just like Plankton is, then Plankton screams]

Look at us!

Now what are we going to do?

I don't know about you... [Plankton takes out a mini helicopter propeller] but I'm going back to what I do best. Stealing your recipe! [laughs]

Hey, wait a minute! Plankton!

[flies into Mr. Krabs office where the safe is. He tosses the propeller and laughs] Come to papa. [Mr. Krabs opens the door]

Hold it right there! You're not going anywhere... [opens the safe] without a ten second head start!

It's good to be home!

You said it.

[laughing while he runs off as Mr. Krabs begins to chase him while having fun] I love being hated!

Hey, get back here you little booger! [laughs]

It's beautiful. I'm sellin' twice as many patties and I don't even have to cook 'em! This is the happiest, and most cost-effective day of me whole life! [hugs all the money and laughs]

Nooo! How is this possible?! I freeze his place solid and he turns it into an ice rink! He's making more money than ever!

Karen

That's because, unlike you, he's a good businessman.

Well, if it isn't the wind beneath my wings.

Karen

I don't understand why you don't just steal a Krabby Patty in all that confusion.

[realizes] I'll be right back. [chuckles and leaves]

Karen

[sighs] I don't know why I encourage him.

SpongeBob

I know. Isn't it great? It looks just like the Krusty Krab.

It looks more like Plankton tryin' to steal me restaurant! [steps out of a taxi with suitcases in hand and a hat on his head]

SpongeBob

Mr. Krabs! You've returned from your vacation. [the word "Exposition!" appears above SpongeBob's head]

And it's time for the Krusty Krab to return from its vacation. [He scuttles to the back of the building and as he grunts with effort, he pushes the Krusty Krab over to its original spot. Then flips it over to have the doors face the street]

SpongeBob

Hooray!

Patrick

Yay!

[takes the safe out from his throat. It was covered with saliva. He takes out the formula for the patties] And I bet you tried to steal this, too.

[chuckles sheepishly] Well, steal is such a strong word. [Mr. Krabs grabs him on the side of his eye. He screams in pain]

You don't really think I'd leave me secret formula behind when I go on vacation, do ya? Now...

"Stay away from me..."

"...restaurant, bug." I think we've been through this one before. Allow me to do the honors. [throws himself back at the Chum Bucket, but doesn't scream like he always does. He lets out a blank expressionless monotone scream. Plankton lands face-first on the ground, where the Chum Bucket previously was]

Karen

[upset] Oh, excellent job, genius. Ya really fixed the place up.

[muffled] Don't nag me, Karen. I've had a long day.

[back at the Chum Bucket, talking to Karen] …And then that blasted sponge called the cops! That's just not cricket. [pouts] Now I'll never be a tyrannical overlord.

Karen

Do I have to tell you how to do everything? Next time, spray SpongeBob, too.

Not sure.

Karen

Listen carefully. Spray...

Yes.

Karen

...Sponge...

Uh-huh.

Karen

...Bob...

Right.

Karen

...Too!

Now, you're just talking gibberish. What I really need is to spray Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob.

Karen

That's just what I --

I don't wanna hear all your loony schemes, Karen. I've got work to do!

Those nincompoops are better salesman than I suspected.

Karen

Customer approaching.

Hello, little boy. Would you like a chum burger?

Uh, does it come in raspberry?

Um, no.

Blueberry?

No.

Um... raspberry?

Ah, come on, kid! You asked me that already! Now quit wasting my time!

Hey, you can't talk to my son that way! Who do you think you are?

I'm Plankton, you old hag! And your son smells like boogers!

Hey, you can't talk about my wife that way! What do you think this is?!

I think it's time for you to lose some weight, fatty! That's what it is!

Mary

Hey, you can't talk to my grandson like that! Someone oughta put you in a mental hospital!

Someone should put you in a box floating down the river, Grandma!

Mary

...You're probably right.

You people are crazy. I'm getting out of here!

SpongeBob

[the monster's belly is still rumbling] Anything else before we shove off?

I want dessert! [Plankton parachutes down]

SpongeBob

We don't have desserts.

[lands from his parachute] Don't give another penny to those fast-food phonies. That's right, they stole my idea. My, my, my... [the end of the periscope breaks off, he falls down and screams as he rolls into some wet mud, hits a rock and lands next to the Sea Mosnter's foot]

[looks at Plankton] Hey, a chocolate éclair. [to audience] Now that looks like dessert to me.

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! You got it all wrong, see... Hey! [the Sea Monster chases Plankton through the abyss]

Happy day, Karen. That fool Krabs changed the name of his restaurant to The Closed Krab. Everyone will think it's closed, and come eat here instead. He'll be ruined by tomorrow. [chuckles] What an idiot.

Karen

It is closed.

What?

Karen

Ms. Gristlepuss and her husband banned Krabby Patties for being fun and delicious.

Banned? Then that means, my day of reckoning has come at last. I won, I tell you. I've won. And what better way than by default.

Karen

Where are you going?

Oh, out to celebrate. Don't wait up for me!

Patrick

What's the password, please?

What are you talking about, you gargantuan buffoon?!

Patrick

That's it! [opens the door] Come right in.

Curse you! [falls to the ground]

SpongeBob

Good luck on your new job, cousin Stanley!

Stanley

Thanks! I bet I'll be even better in this one!

Good morning, Mr. SquarePants!

Stanley

Morning, boss.

I can't believe it! That fool Krabs hiring the blood relative of his best worker! [Mr. Krabs watches as the Chum Bucket explodes, and laughs] Well, that's the end of me.

Stanley

[thud] Sorry, boss.

Patrick

Plankton's wrath tastes like ice cream!

Thanks, Plankton!

Ice cream? It shoots ICE CREAM?! [jumps out of the tank] Oversized ice cream maker! [childishly kicks the tank but hops around in pain] Yah! Ouch! Ouch!

Look! A talking speck! This talking speck will make a fantastic [glares at SpongeBob and Patrick] replacement for our recently deflated national treasure! [looks at Plankton and speaks in a babyish tone] Won't you, little fella?

I'll destroy all of you...!

[squeezes Plankton within his hands] Amazing! This is so much better than that dusty old bubble!

[is later seen in a baby bottle cage] You haven't seen the last of me! When I get out of here, I'll hunt you all down like a pack of... [someone takes a picture] Hey! Can't you read? [points at sign] No flash photography.

SpongeBob

[after spotting Plankton stealing the secret formula] Wait a minute...was this band just a front so you could steal the Krabby Patty Secret Formula?

What? No, I was in it for the music, man!

Welcome one and all, to the first biannual big arena of annihilation! [everyone cheers]

Patrick

All right! [Patrick is about to eat a sausage, when the lionfish growls at him, Plankton laughs]

That pink dimwit doesn't stand a chance with those sausages around his throat! As soon as the smell of sausage hits that ravenous lionfish's nostrils, he'll be all over Patrick like mold on a shower curtain!

Boring! [throws a tomato at the ground] I want to see some body parts!

This is ridiculous! I order a simple brutal mauling for my denizens, and I get a circus act!

Ten dollars?! Why would I pay ten dollars, when I can go across the street and get a Krabby Patty for one dollar?