♪ Rolling, rolling, rolling! Money keeps on rolling along! ♪ [playing bowling with money] 1 more time! [notices Plankton] No way, Plankton! You're not getting me formula this time or any time! [throws him on the counter, then gets a spoon, and crushes him]
PPlankton
Don't bother. There's no need.
What are you talking about?
PPlankton
[slides out of the spoon] I'm just saying I no longer need to copy you, Krabs. I've got my own winning recipe now.
[laughs] You're really funny man! You think you can compete with me? Look Plankton, look at all these loyal customers. Loyal to me, Plankton, not to you!
Hey, Plankton, can I get another one of your delicious Chum Sticks?
PPlankton
But of course, loyal customer. [hops out of Mr. Krabs' hands, onto Nat's hand] I'll see you later, loser. Much later! [laughs]
PPlankton
Nat, back all ready? That's the fifth time today. Not that I'm surprised. Karen, babe, fetch Nat another plate of that sweet chum.
Yes, Your Diminutiveness. [goes in the kitchen]
PPlankton
Say, Nat, do you have any friends?
Nat: Nope.
PPlankton
[sings a little, then laughs] Would you hurry up with that chum, Karen?!
[imitating Karen] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep your tiny pants on, Plankton. Bleep, bloop. [throws a Krabby Patty] There's your chum, bleep blap blop.
Hey, this doesn't look like chum.
PPlankton
And that doesn't look like Karen!
[looks like Karen] Why, don't be ridiculous, my husband. Bleep, blap. Of course it's me.
PPlankton
What have you done with Karen, you brute?!
[Karen is taped up in the kitchen]
How many times do I have to tell you? [throws the Krabby Patty away] I don't want to eat your trash! Plankton's chum is my favorite breakfast, lunch, and dinner! I love chum, so forget it! I don't want to eat anything else!
[returns to normal, and speaks in normal voice] So you're saying that you love chum? And all that you ever eat is chum?
Call it a computer's intuition, but I sense your regular approaching, with an unusually large wad of cash.
PPlankton
That's right, Krabs, and you're going to have to keep looking when my customer comes in and pays me for my chum!
D'oh, just put me out of me misery!
[Nat walks in, angered]
PPlankton
Back for more of my delicious chum, I see!
PKPlankton and Mr. Krabs
Huh?
Not ever again! [throws all the money at Karen] The deal's off, computer! I can't eat another bite of that slop, no matter how much you pay me!
PPlankton
Ha-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...Huh?
I have eaten 10 of those things, and I've all ready had to go to the doctor...twice! [groans in pain] If you need me, I'll be getting my stomach pumped...again. [gets carried out]
PPlankton
What's the deal, Karen?
"The deal" was that I paid Nat to eat your chum, so you'd quit your constant complaining.
PPlankton
All this time, I never had one regular customer?
PPlankton
Should have known! Why would anyone ever eat my slop?
Ugh, there he goes again. Cut it out, Plankton!
PPlankton
What? It's just obvious that I'm a complete failure, and wasted of a lower life form! Oh, woe is me! [cries]
Quickly, now is the time to make a hasty retreat!
What, and miss this? I've never enjoyed me self more! This irony is pretty good stuff. [laughs]
Okay, boy, get out there. [throws SpongeBob outside towards Plankton's robot and SpongeBob gets grabbed by the robot]
Um... hello... what do you want robot thing, sir? [Plankton walks out on a boardwalk] Oh, hey Plankton! What are you doing here?
PPlankton
I'm here for the secret formula you twit! Now I want you to go in there and tell Krabs that if he doesn't turn over the formula to me, that he'll be subjected to utter annihilation at my... Are you getting this? [SpongeBob inhales and shakes his head; Plankton face palms and groans] Agh! Idiot! Okay, I'll make it simple: Krabs give me secret formula or I bring big boom-boom to Krusty Krab. Got it?
[writing on clipboard] Krabs give me secret formula or... uhhh... what was that other thing?
PPlankton
[groans frustratedly] Forget it! [marches back into his command module, drops SpongeBob] Bring on the Boom-Boom! [laughs]
[Plankton's robot starts marching toward the Krusty Krab]
Battle stations, men! Here he comes!
We're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed, we're all doomed!
[walking out of the Krusty Krab] Later.
[The robot continues to march again with Plankton. But then, you notice that the extension cord that is powering the robot is about to be unplugged. The robot stops only foot away from the Krusty Krab]
PPlankton
Hey, what gives?
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs emerge from the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs laughed at Plankton's failed attempt and the two walked away.]
Don't look now, but I think your catchy slogan days are numbered.
[barfs on floor] Something's not right.
PPilar
Yeah, I know, I keep sayin' "Chum is Fum" but it's...ehh...it's just not working.
I'm outta here. [throws chumstick on the floor and leaves]
PPilar
[also throws chumstick on the floor and leaves]
PPlankton
[To Patrick who is sleeping] Patrick!
PPlankton
We're having a board meeting here! We need ideas!
[Examining a line graph whose line ends in a toilet] Hmmmm...mmmhmmm...uh-huh. I think I see the problem. Your potty has a shocky thing in it!
PPlankton
[Annoyed] NO! That's not it you FOOL! We need a new slogan! You need to come up with a new genius catchphrase like Chum is Fum! But different.
Oh gotcha. Hmmmm. [Cut to Chum Bucket, whose slogan has been switched to "Fum is Chum!"]
I'm so happy that they changed that old tired slogan "Chum is Fum"!
PPilar
Yeah that new slogan, "Fum is Chum" is way cooler!
Excuse me, sir. [hands resignation slip] My resignation. [shows picture of himself in a fighter plane shooting bullets]
Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.
Oh, my computer wife, Karen.
I was blinded, yes, I was blinded,
I was blinded by the light of your cathode ray.
Oh, I built you, yes, I built you,
I built you in the - ehhh... erm...
In the shape of a cube!
Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.
You'll never know how much I love your vacuum tubes!
[Plankton hugs one of Karen's lightbulbs. Karen smiles, Plankton, SpongeBob, and Patrick bow, and the song ends]
[sniffles] That was so beautiful.
PPlankton
You really liked it?
I loved it! But not as much as I love you, Plankton.
PPlankton
I l... l... love you, too! [Bikini Bottom citizens, including SpongeBob, rush in and say "Aw."] So, can I have my present now?
Of course, my little overlord. Now loading the Krabby Patty Formula...
They're such a lovely couple. [sniffs before he suddenly gasps] The Krabby Patty Formula?!
PPlankton
Yes! You porous kitchen utensil! By helping me woo my computer wife, you've just doomed the Krusty Krab! [laughs evilly]
Oh no! I've got to stop it before it's too late.
[presses several buttons on a computer keyboard] Control, Alt, Delete.
[smashes against the computer keyboard] How do you turn this thing off?!
PPlankton
Get your hands off my wife!
[gasps] The plug. [Plankton gasps] Ha! You lose, Plankton.
PPlankton
[sarcastically] Oh no. You unplugged the coffee maker, SpongeBob.
Loading Krabby Patty Formula...
Oh, Plankton, you've made me so happy.
PPlankton
That's fantastic. Where's that formula?
[cries happily with tears of joy] I'm crying... What's going on? [starts to spark electric sparks]
PPlankton
Karen, what's wrong? Have you sprung a leak?
No. I'm just so happy! I'm crying with tears of joy!
PPlankton
But you're shorting out!
I'm just--. The Krabby... Patty... Formula... loading... completed...!
[The text on the screen blurs and the word "ERROR" appears on the screen]
YES! I'm saved! Your wife exploded! [puts up his arms with victory; Plankton makes a serious face] Um... happy anniversary, you guys. [scratches his head, shrugs, and leaves]
CVComputer Voice
Rebooting... Loading E.M.I.L.P.
PPlankton
E.M.I.L.P.? What's E.M.I.L.P.?!
CVComputer Voice
Emergency Mother In-Law Program.
[Karen's screen displays an angry-faced mother in law wearing glasses]
EME.M.I.L.P.
Plankton, what have you done to my daughter?! You made her cry! [Plankton groans] You know, she could have been with an ATM! Someone with money! But she chose you! I don't know why!
PPlankton
[as it is still panning in] It's a conspiracy, I tell you! A thousand and three times I've almost had that recipe, and a thousand and three times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!
Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. Maybe a thousand and four will be your lucky number.
PPlankton
Oh, yeah? You try getting launched.
Oh, right, the launchings. [her face is replaced by a loading bar and the word "accessing" above it] I've got them all on my hard drive.
[The scene shows, on Karen's monitor, Mr. Krabs in a baseball uniform, exiting the Krusty Krab. The scene shifts to show just the scene. Mr. Krabs pushes Plankton into the air. Mr. Krabs does this with a glove that he is wearing. Mr. Krabs spits and then throws Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' claw putting down a golf tee. He puts Plankton on the tee. He is then shown in a golf outfit, holding a golf club. He then prepares to hit Plankton]
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
Fore! [hits Plankton, who hits the Chum Bucket]
[The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs riding on a seahorse, wearing a polo uniform, and holding a polo stick. Plankton is shown running. away from the polo stick. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding a slingshot with Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs is holding the slingshot back. Mr. Krabs releases the slingshot. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs in a hockey uniform holding a hockey stick. He is pushing Plankton on some ice that is outside of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs with a curling stone that has Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs pushes the curling stone on the ice. SpongeBob takes a broom and sweeps and walks backwards until he reaches the Chum Bucket. Plankton screams until he hits the Chum Bucket doors. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob in football uniforms. SpongeBob is holding Plankton horizontally in front of Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs up and kicks Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. There is a goal post painted on the Chum Bucket. SpongeBob pops and puts both his arms horizontally in the air, signally that Mr. Krabs got the point. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding Plankton, walking outside the Krusty Krab]
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
I'm tired today, Plankton. [drops Plankton] You're just gonna have to launch yourself. [walks back inside]
FPFlaskback Plankton
[tears up. He walks to the Chum Bucket and hits his head on the door] Splat. [begins to cry]
[Karen's laughing is heard. The scene pans out to show the scene on Karen's monitor. The scene shifts to not-recording Plankton]
[The footage is removed and replaced with Karen]
I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh.
PPlankton
[jumps off his desk] It's just no use!
Today's the perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.
PPlankton
You really think so?
Of course, I do. Now who's my big man?
Come on. Come on. Who's my big strong man?
That's right. Now get out there and steal that recipe.
PPlankton
[saluting Karen] Yes, Ma'am!
PPlankton
SpongeBob! [groans in anger] Why must you always ruin my plans?!
Plankton, you're trying to steal the Krabby Patty recipe again.
PPlankton
Uh, I didn't, uh...Okay fine. You caught me. You happy now?
You know, this reminds me of the time Mr. Krabs confided in me the Krabby Patty recipe. Oh, I don't want to bore you with my silly old stories.
PPlankton
Oh, you couldn't possibly bore me.
Well, okay. Mr. Krabs called me into his office.
[A flashback begins. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are shown in Mr. Krabs' office]
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
SpongeBob, you've been working here for a while now, so I think I can trust you. It's time I told you.
FSFlashback SpongeBob
[screams and gasps] You mean?
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
Yes. The Krabby Patty formular. Follow me, son. [puts his arm around SpongeBob and they start walking] We need to go where no one will ever hear us. [they walk out of the Krusty Krab, leaving Bikini Bottom, going through a jungle while wearing safari explorer clothing, through the desert while wearing desert clothing, on the seas in a storm while wearing rain coats and hats, crossing a bridge in the mountains, climbing up the mountain while wearing winter clothing, and walking up to flat land. They are tired and dirty] Ugh. We finally made it. [pushes SpongeBob ahead quickly until they reach the back of the Krusty Krab; opens the door] Quick, into me office before anyone sees us. [closes the door]
[The flashback ends]
PPlankton
What? You went in a circle. Why didn't you just stay in the Krusty Krab?
We wanted to make sure we weren't followed. Then, Mr. Krabs leaned close and whispered the recipe.
[The flashback resumes. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are shown in the Krusty Krab. They are cleaned up.]
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
Now, remember, you can never tell another living soul.
PPlankton
Wait! [trying to write it down] Wait! Hold on!
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
[holding on to the edge of the bubble] What's that?
PPlankton
My pen is out of ink! [tries to get the pen to work. Eventually, it works] Okay, okay, go ahead.
FKFlashback Mr. Krabs
Plankton. [grabs Plankton and rolls him up like a ball] You'll never have get me formula--not even in a flashback! [laughs and throws Plankton through another grate]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
