A character in SpongeBob SquarePants
Mr. Krabs
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
4th most-quoted character in SpongeBob SquarePants: in 261 of its 1,068 quotes
Most scenes with: Abrasive SpongeBob (181), Squidward (104), Patrick (61)
But sir, how many jellyfish do you need?
SpongeBob, we have a whole ego system for the hungry paying customers. Oh no! Don't tell me. [gasping] YOU'VE STOPPED CARING FOR ME COSTUMER!
AAAH! NO, NEVER!
Then go out there, and get me some more jellies!
Okay, Mr. Krabs. Just make sure the jellyfish are comfortable. They are O’so sensitive.
Oh, I’ll keep them comfortable, alright, inside me wallet.
More, SpongeBob! What don't you understand about "More"!? [multiple of SpongeBobs are watching jellyfishes] MORE! MORE! More! More! More. More! More! [grimaces and demands more] More, more, more, more, more! MORE!!
[Cut to night. A sign reading "Jellyfish Fields: Population 0" is seen.]
Well, there's no more! Now, that's jellyfishing!
[No Name follows SpongeBob.]
You'll never catch me! [He tries to pedal away as he laughs madly] What? [Looks down to see the exercycle is bolted to the floor.] Blasted exercise craze.
Goodbye, friends!
[walks out of the factory and is incredibly burned with black smoke and weakly voice] I'm taking jelly off the menu. [leaves]
[The Deep fry pole vault.]
Win this one for the Krusty Krab.
For the krusty krab!
[flips over the poles and the deep fry and splats down on the circle drawn in the ground. The crowd gasps. SpongeBob forms a number one sign and the crowd cheers]
Win this one because I told you to.
Because you told me to! [flips over the poles, but lands on the handle of the deep fryer, flinging it at the crowd and turning them into fish sticks. A vendor walks up and turns on a heat lamp]
Fish sticks! Get yer fish sticks here!
[Heavy metal music plays. The bell rings. SpongeBob tears off his blue robe, showing off his extremely large, muscular body. Patrick rips off his own green robe, underneath which he is wearing a business suit. He tears off the business suit, also revealing an extremely large, muscular body. The two dive at each other, screaming, until they collide. They wrestle and continue to wind up in twisted positions. They spin around and wind up wrestling with themselves. They realize this, and dive back at each other. Patrick sits on top of SpongeBob, holding his foot]
Forget the Chum Bucket! This is personal. [takes off SpongeBob's shoe and licks his foot slowly. SpongeBob screams in agony. The two wrestle again. SpongeBob sits on Patrick's chest and screams as he lifts up a pencil with the eraser side pointing toward Patrick; he slowly brings it down to his name tag and erases the "Pat" in "Patrick," leaving "Rick"] No! My name's not Rick! [tackles SpongeBob in a puff of smoke]
[the two wrestle once more before they stop]
I don't like you!
I don't like you more!
I never liked you!
I 1,000 times never liked you!
Pink!
Yellow!
[They struggle to push each other until both of their pants rip and fall down. Patrick's underwear is yellow. SpongeBob's underwear is pink]
Yellow.
Pink?
[their eyes start to water] You do care! [both start crying and hug each other]
Let's promise never to fight again, buddy.
Yeah, pal. Let's go home.
[both walk away holding hands and whistling while the audience boos]
Hey! Where ya going?
Get back here and kill each other!
You're my best friend ever.
You too, Patrick.
You know, these were white when I bought 'em.
SpongeBob, your story has touched me heart. Believe it or not, I know what it's like to give up a best friend.
You do?
I was five years old, and me father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar...loved it like a brother. Me and that dollar went everywhere together.
What happened to the dollar, Mr. Krabs?
[sniffles] And one day at the beach, it was so hot and I was so thirsty! I SPENT IT ON A SODA!! [sobbing] My best friend! [crying]
[sobs some more because of the onions again] What? Would you get out of here!
The point is, son, sometimes, you have to set things free even though it's hard. [points to Mystery] Look at her. She misses the great outdoors, the wide-open spaces, the rolling green pastures. The kitchen is no place for a live horse.
[Two customers spit out their patties]
Alright, Mr. Krabs, I understand.
We interrupt this can-can for a special news bulletin! Be on the lookout for a man who's been passing himself off as a health inspector in order to obtain free food! That's all for now.
[infuriated] FREE FOOD?!?!
Maybe we oughta tell our guy about the phony impostor.
You loony loofah, he is the impostor! We've been duped!
Duped!
Bamboozled!
We've been smeckledorfed!
That's not even a word and I agree with ya!
We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense to bring you this news flash! The fake inspector has been captured! Here is his picture. [The photo of the impostor is shown; he looks nothing like the health inspector that visited the Krusty Krab] If a health inspector comes to your restaurant and he's not this guy, he's real.
Phew, that's a relief, eh, Mr. Krabs? I'm sure our guy will understand if we just explain the situation. Then we can all have a good laugh about it.
[gasps] I don't think he'll be laughin', boy.
Why, sir?
Because that patty KILLED HIM!
[The two scream, then check the inspector before screaming again]
Mr. Krabs, what are we gonna do?!
What's this "we" stuff? You fed him the tainted patty! Looks like it's the stony lonesome for you!
But you told me to give it to him!
Well, you could've talked me out of it!
That looks like a toilet plunger I threw out yesterday!
That ain't no toilet plunger! This here's an antique! It's, um...uh... [turns the rubber part of the plunger upside-down] ...A 17th-century soup ladle, see?
Wow, was I using mine wrong! How much?
$5.
I've only got $7.
Deal.
Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.
Barnacles! I'll never find-- [sees the tombstone and it shows his real name, Smitty Werben Man Jensen] The grave! Am I really going to defile this grave for money? Of course I am! [digs and hits something] Jackpot! [opens up the coffin] Ooh. It's beautiful. Come to papa. [takes the head off with the hat on] Hey, come on, Smitty, let go! [takes his head off] Rest in pieces, Smitty. [jumps out of the hole] I got the million dollar hat.
[lightning and thunder booms. Smitty stands up from his grave with his head in one hand]
Hey, man, that's my hat. Give it back.
What? No way. Just crawl back into your hole, bone boy. Go ahead, play dead.
I guess I'm gonna have to take it from you.
Yeah, right. You and what army? [But then, the skeleton zombie army came with an eerie moaning]
Only the army of the living dead. [all the other dead bodies are walking towards Mr. Krabs]
[scared] Oh, no! I've seen this on the late show! You ghoulish fiends hold me down and take turns nibbling on my innards, then you eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!
That's disgusting. We just want the hat back.
No flipping way! [takes the head of a swordfish and uses it as a sword] Back off! Back off, I say!
Attack. [the skeleton zombies ready to draw their weapons]
Tallyho! [sword fights a few zombies] Look at me, I'm Errol Fin! [chops up more bodies] You're falling apart, marrow brain! You must be kidding. [sword fights them] Back to oblivion! [jumps over a group of zombies] Oh, ho! How's your sister? All right, boneheads. Playtime's over. Yee-hoo! Ha-ha! [twirls around and destroys more of the skeleton zombies in the morning Mr. Krabs finishes destroying all the skeleton zombies and runs out of the cemetery] Wa-ha! A million dollars. I've got a million dollars! [runs back to his curio stand where the fish are talking altogether at once] Oh, there you are. Well, I got it. The rare novelty soda drinking hat. Let's start the bidding at one million dollars! [all of the fish look at each other and then laugh]
Yeah, you want that all at once?
One million dollars. You gotta be kidding!
Hey! The poor sap's not kidding. Didn't you hear? They found a whole warehouse full of them. THEY'RE WORTHLESS! [the camera goes to a bunch of soda drinking hats are in the dumpster. The fish crack up laughing. SpongeBob walks by with a hat that has clapping hands on the top of it]
Let's give Mr. Krabs a big hand. [laughs]
Now that's worth a million dollars. [SpongeBob laughs again and he leaves the background. Nat runs after him and the other fish follow] Hey, kid, wait up!
I saw him first!
I'll give you one billion dollars!
[Fred rows his row-boat along the ground to chase SpongeBob]
Well, that's a spirit breaker. [throws the soda drinking hat away and breaks down sobbing]
[walks by with flowers in hand] What a baby. [walks off and the episode ends]
[last lines]
Well, SpongeBob, looks like you've finally found your calling.
I'll say. I'm so glad I gave up fry cooking for this. [episode ends]
Please, Mr. Krabs, you got to help me! When they get here tonight, they're going to see I'm just a big phony and a loser!
Ohh, boo-hoo! Let me play a sad song for you on the world's smallest violin. [rubs his fingers and sad violin music plays]
This is serious!
I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. [tiny violin is shown] See?
Mr. Krabs! Please let me run the restaurant for just one night! I really need to impress Squilliam!
Squilliam? [Squilliam's unibrow appears above Mr. Krabs' head] That guy who made millions doing what you wish you could do?
Don't rub it in.
Why didn't you tell me? We'll take him to the cleaners.
Mr. Krabs, you gotta take 'em out of the... [gasps] HOLY FISH PASTE, WHAT IS THAT?!?! [sees a grotesque pile of goop with gross things sticking out of it]
That's the appetizer.
But I thought you said you were the head chef on the S.S. Gourmet.
Did I say that? No. I cleaned the bathrooms on the Gourmet. I was the head chef on the S.S. Diarrhea.
What really won me over was your brilliant waiter. It's as if all he knows is fine dining, and breathing! [to SpongeBob] I must know your name!
[Record scratches as SpongeBob is nervous]
My name?
Yes, your name, son.
Uh... Beef Wellington?
[chuckles] No, your name.
Uh... uh... the fork on the left?
Heh. Stop joking. Tell him your name.
My name...?
[Zoom inside of SpongeBob's brain again where all the SpongeBobs are trying to search for a name]
[as he checks file cabinets] What's his name?! What's his name?! I've got nothing on a name!
[pressing a key on a keyboard connected to a computer] Come on, baby, what's the name?! [The computer bursts into flames. Panicked shouting is heard from other smaller SpongeBobs as they are running wildly around while papers are flying]
WE THREW OUT HIS NAME!
[More smaller SpongeBobs begin to run around while more papers are flying. SpongeBob's brain then breaks in half. The scene cuts back to Squilliam and Squidward with SpongeBob stammering for a moment. Then he splashes water on Squilliam and then starts to bark and going wild]
Oh, I am so very sorry! I don't know what has gotten into that-- [screams as he notices SpongeBob with a bowl of hot soup by Fred]
More soup for your armpit?! [holds up Fred's arm and throws the soup on his armpits, causing him to scream in pain, runs over to Martha and grabs her head] Please enjoy the food!! [slams her face into her food then runs up to Nat] Would you like some cheese on your butt, sir?! [pulls out a cheese grater, picks him up and grates his butt with it as Nat screams]
[Every fish screams and panics]
[frightened] No! No!
[Patrick, still tied up, runs out of the kitchen and shouting. And Mr. Krabs, still tied up, also runs of the kitchen and warns everyone that there's more danger for some things that he cooked so badly.]
Run for your lives, everyone! It's the appetizer!
[The appetizer, which has now come to life, bursts through the door and roars. Mr. Krabs is sent flying. The appetizer crawls outwards, revealing its face to the camera. Everyone screams and panics. They crash through the windows and the door, running away. Squidward's tuxedo rips in half by itself and falls off, and his Krusty Krab hat and name tag land on him in their proper places. The name tag reads "Squidward Tentacles, Cashier."]
Mr.-
[puts his hand over SpongeBob's mouth] Will you quiet up? Now listen, what did these robots in the movie look like?
Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries.
Okay, so tell me, does Mr. Krabs look anything like that?!
[Mr. Krabs barges out of his office, still screaming. He now has burning red eyes, the pair of tongs snipping in his claw, and the batteries in his pocket, just like the robot in the movie and Squidward said. SpongeBob and Squidward both scream in fear. Mr. Krabs continues screaming as he runs into the bathroom]
I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy!
[runs over to the phone] Hello, Operator? Get me the Navy!
Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service.
Squidward, the robots are running the Navy!
NOT THE NAVY! [on the microphone] Attention, Krusty Krab! Run for your lives! Robots are taking over the world! [pause] OUR WORLD! [Then the customers run and scream in panic] What do we do now?
I don't know! [notices a nickel] Hey, a nickel! [points at it]
SpongeBob.
Sorry.
[walks out of the bathroom, his eyes back to normal] Ah, that's better. [walks back to his office] Bee-boo-boo-boo-bee-bop, boo-boo-bop.
We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs, but how?
Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
They poop on the robot?
Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information.
I never thought I'd say this, but, SpongeBob, let's get that poop!
[Squidward and SpongeBob dive in. SpongeBob grabs rope, Squidward grabs tools, and SpongeBob grabs records]
Oh, hello, boys. What can I do for ya? [they both lock the door] Hehe, why did you lock the door? Why do you have that rope? WHO'S WATCHING THE CASH REGISTER?! [gets attacked] SpongeBob, Squidward, what’s the meaning of this?! Unite me this instant!
[SpongeBob runs up to Mr. Krabs and then slaps him]
SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first.
Oh, yeah. What color is my underwear? [slaps him again]
SpongeBob, let me handle this. [turns a light on Mr. Krabs] Where's Mr. Krabs?
[confused] What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs.
[slaps Mr. Krabs again] We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs?
I'm Mr. Krabs!
Where's Mr. Krabs?
I'm Mr. Krabs!
Where's Mr. Krabs?
I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!
This is one stubborn robot.
[confused for a moment, he finally blows his lid, yelling so loudly he causes SpongeBob and a nearby lamp to fall from the force] WHAT?! YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!
We don't think; we know.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I AM MR. KRABS!
Abrasive SpongeBobTom Kenny · 691 quotes
PatrickBill Fagerbakke · 344 quotes
SquidwardRodger Bumpass · 334 quotes
PPlankton138 quotes
SandyCarolyn Lawrence · 76 quotes
KarenJill Talley · 44 quotes
Mrs. PuffMary Jo Catlett · 37 quotes
French NarratorTom Kenny · 32 quotes
GaryTom Kenny · 30 quotes
PatchyTom Kenny · 23 quotes
PearlLori Alan · 22 quotes
FredMr. Lawrence · 19 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.