Please, Mr. Krabs, you got to help me! When they get here tonight, they're going to see I'm just a big phony and a loser!
Ohh, boo-hoo! Let me play a sad song for you on the world's smallest violin. [rubs his fingers and sad violin music plays]
I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. [tiny violin is shown] See?
Mr. Krabs! Please let me run the restaurant for just one night! I really need to impress Squilliam!
Squilliam? [Squilliam's unibrow appears above Mr. Krabs' head] That guy who made millions doing what you wish you could do?
Why didn't you tell me? We'll take him to the cleaners.
Alright, listen up. Men, Squilliam Fancyson will be here in twenty minutes. Therefore, we need to turn the Krusty Krab into a fancy restaurant as soon as possible. [Patrick appears with an army hat] Patrick, what are you doing here?
I thought the core would help me straighten out my life, sir!
The core? What---- Pat, this isn't the...oh! [sighs] Beggars can't be choosers. Can you take hats in a dignified and sophisticated manner?
You mean like a weenie? Okay! [talking silly with a goofy expression on his face] May I take your hat, sir? May I take your hat, sir? May I...
[puts his hand over Patrick's mouth] Alright! I've heard enough! You've got the job.
[Inside SpongeBob's thoughts]
BBoss
Just got an order from the boss - dump everything that isn't about fine dining!
[Show the SpongeBobs getting rid of everything]
BBoss
Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?
OOther
You don't pay me. We don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought.
BBoss
One more crack like that, and you're outta here!
OOther
No, please! I have three kids!
SSquilliam
What really won me over was your brilliant waiter. It's as if all he knows is fine dining, and breathing! [to SpongeBob] I must know your name!
[Record scratches as SpongeBob is nervous]
SSquilliam
Yes, your name, son.
SSquilliam
[chuckles] No, your name.
Uh... uh... the fork on the left?
Heh. Stop joking. Tell him your name.
[Zoom inside of SpongeBob's brain again where all the SpongeBobs are trying to search for a name]
SSSmaller SpongeBob #3
[as he checks file cabinets] What's his name?! What's his name?! I've got nothing on a name!
SSSmaller SpongeBob #4
[pressing a key on a keyboard connected to a computer] Come on, baby, what's the name?! [The computer bursts into flames. Panicked shouting is heard from other smaller SpongeBobs as they are running wildly around while papers are flying]
SSSmaller SpongeBob #5
WE THREW OUT HIS NAME!
[More smaller SpongeBobs begin to run around while more papers are flying. SpongeBob's brain then breaks in half. The scene cuts back to Squilliam and Squidward with SpongeBob stammering for a moment. Then he splashes water on Squilliam and then starts to bark and going wild]
Oh, I am so very sorry! I don't know what has gotten into that-- [screams as he notices SpongeBob with a bowl of hot soup by Fred]
More soup for your armpit?! [holds up Fred's arm and throws the soup on his armpits, causing him to scream in pain, runs over to Martha and grabs her head] Please enjoy the food!! [slams her face into her food then runs up to Nat] Would you like some cheese on your butt, sir?! [pulls out a cheese grater, picks him up and grates his butt with it as Nat screams]
[Every fish screams and panics]
[Patrick, still tied up, runs out of the kitchen and shouting. And Mr. Krabs, still tied up, also runs of the kitchen and warns everyone that there's more danger for some things that he cooked so badly.]
Run for your lives, everyone! It's the appetizer!
[The appetizer, which has now come to life, bursts through the door and roars. Mr. Krabs is sent flying. The appetizer crawls outwards, revealing its face to the camera. Everyone screams and panics. They crash through the windows and the door, running away. Squidward's tuxedo rips in half by itself and falls off, and his Krusty Krab hat and name tag land on him in their proper places. The name tag reads "Squidward Tentacles, Cashier."]
