A character in SpongeBob SquarePants
Played by Bill Fagerbakke
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in SpongeBob SquarePants: in 344 of its 1,068 quotes
Most scenes with: Abrasive SpongeBob (271), Squidward (106), Mr. Krabs (61)
Good night, Patrick.
PatrickGood night, SpongeBob.
Good night, Patrick.
PatrickGood night, SpongeBob.
Good night, Patrick. [Squidward open his eyes]
Will you two please shut up?! [SpongeBob and Patrick close their eyes]
Have you ever had to handle hot change? [close-up of claws, which have coin indents on them]
Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I guess we got carried away watching our animal double-gaggers all day.
That's doppelgangers.
Patrick[suddenly waking up] No, I believe it's pronounced bubble hangers.
What are you [facepalms] barnacle brains blabbering about?
Goobfather and Mr. Krabs': The Ice Cream King!?
[speaking through megaphone] Cease your hostil-lily-- hostile-- quit fightin'! Ice cream isn't meant for brawling! It's supposed to bring sugar fueled fun, belly aches, and brain freezes to the world!
He's right.
We shouldn't be fighting.
There's plenty of saps-- er, customers in town for both of us. [Mr. Krabs and the Goobfather eat their weapons and hug.]
And if you don't quit fighting, I'll use my ultimate weapon, the ice cream bomb!
Ice cream bomb!?
[gasps] Wait!
We've already stopped fighting!
What? I-I can't hear you! Uh, hold on, I'll be right down. Bombs away! [hits button and rides down on a giant popsicle, waving his crown] Whoo-hoo! Yee-haw! Yee-ha-haw!
[The ice cream bomb lands on Mr. Krabs and the Goobfather and explodes, covering Bikini Bottom in ice cream. Squidward screams as he is sent through the air. A guy eats the ice cream.]
Hey, everyone, free ice cream! [Kids dive into the ice cream and eat it. SpongeBob and Patrick eat it.]
PatrickIs this a dream?
[with a wheelbarrow full of ice cream] Free ice cream forever! [giggles]
[pops out of ice cream and laughs] You're welcome!
[turns up the thermostat and laughs] This'll sizzle their sorbet.
Try and keep up, y'all! Oh, my scoops are on fire!
His funky scoops are so smokin' hot, I'm sweating! [as his ice cream melts]
[laughs] Ha, ha! Who's got the clam now? [points at butt] I do! [shakes butt] I got the greatest scallop! I got the greatest scallop!
Wow, Squidward!
PatrickOh, they're so pretty! Look!
Huh?
[Squidward sees the giant clam spinning in place as the small ones circle around it. The giant clam jumps over the small ones as a jump rope. It moves up and down the smaller clams as a wavering string, playing a gentle harp melody.]
Hey! I bought you to scare those dumb clams, not dance with 'em! [Squidward picks up a rock and throws it. The giant clam is surrounded by the little clams in a heart shape. When the rock hits it, it growls. It screeches at the other clams, and they all rush towards Squidward.]
Incoming! [he, Patrick, and Squidward jump out of the way]
[The giant clam smacks into the ground. Squidward screams and rolls away from it. The giant clam spits a pearl. Squidward presses against Patrick's house, but SpongeBob pulls him away. The pearl pierces Patrick's house.]
PatrickBoy, is that guy gonna get mad when he gets home!
Yes, every year that Ringmaster Mudkrab rolls into town and steals me customers. But this year he's parked his shabby tent show right on me property.
[drives by with girl] Hey, let's get a Krabby Patty.
No, [points to circus] let's go to the circus instead. [they drive off, Mr. Krabs starts growling, on fire, slaps SpongeBob's watering can out of his hand]
Well, since there's no [points to the right] work, [begins to walk away] I'll be going.
To the circus. [sticks out tongue, takes ticket]
[stops walking] To the circus?
To the circus!
To destroy it. [laughs evilly]
To destroy it?
To destroy it! [record scratches, confused] To destroy it?
No, no, [pats SpongeBob's head] boy-o, not destroy. I said "enjoy." We're going to enjoy the circus.
Oh. [Patrick falls from the sky]
Patrick[grabs SpongeBob and Squidward] Yay! We're going to the circus!
And it'll be fun [face contorts] for all ages. [laughs wickedly]
Excuse me, Mr. Sofa. [He lifts the sofa and vacuums underneath the sofa] Huh, look at that, Gary, it's the present for Santa last Christmas. Isn't that nice? [SpongeBob is shocked that the present was accidentally left behind the sofa for seven months] The present I left for Santa last Christmas!? He never got it. Oh, this is the worst disaster that has ever happened.
Meow.
My present for Santa's 212 days late! [SpongeBob begins to cry] Late. It's a tragedy. [SpongeBob uses the ribbon of the gift to blow his nose while Gary reacts to the blue snot.] My joyful carefree world is both dark and dreary and I can't go on! Nope, I'll go on... But I can't go on!
[SpongeBob cries]
PatrickWoohoohoo!
Huh?
Patrick[Whistles] Woohoo! Five stars!
[Sniffing rose] Patrick, I wasn't acting, Santa never got his Christmas present.
PatrickWell, so why not just deliver it to him?
[opens the roof to the Krusty Krab and meeping is heard, and he has a box of pizza] Pizza delivery!
Huh? [they move out of the way and the box drops in the middle of them]
Pizza?! [runs away back to the bus and it drives away]
[smells the pizza] Mmmmm!
Mmmm, that smells good! [turns back into himself] Boing!
[Everyone else turns back into themselves.]
[walks to SpongeBob] Phew! I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing!
Sorry, Mr. Krabs! I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up into a meep mentality!
It's not your fault, boy-o. We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy!
Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives! [he, Lady Upturn, Mrs. Puff, and Pearl open the box of pizza]
And we shouldn't let it go to waste! [Patrick rubs his palms together] It's still hot!
PatrickOh-ho-ho-ho! [runs to the box and picks up a slice, walks away, and it falls on him] What? No anchovies?
All that meeping made me hungry too! Mr. Squidward, we need some paper plates out here!
Squidward? Uh, are you here?
Now just where is that lazy bum while all this is going on?
[laughing]
Grandma? You can't stop laughing either?
Of course not, dearie. My funny bone got stuck years ago when I was your age.
Your funny bone?
That's right. It happens to everyone in our family. Be proud of that laugh, SpongeBob. To be a SquarePants is to laugh loud at life. Enjoy a good laugh with me.
Aww, thanks, Grandma?
These tearjerker movies always crack me up. [she and her grandson share a heartfelt laugh together]
Patrick[crying] I'm all out of popcorn! Now, it's a tragedy! [blows his nose in the empty popcorn bag]
[The scene bubble wipes to SpongeBob walking Gary to the pet park. He shows Gary to a guard.]
[removes sunglasses] Huh. Alright, go on through. [SpongeBob and Gary walk into the park, then Patrick walks to the entrance. stops Patrick with his hand while in a goofy position] Hold it right there! I'm gonna need to see some proof of pet.
PatrickOf course! [holds up his "pet," which is just a rock]
[takes off his sunglasses] That's a rock.
PatrickYeah! His name is Rolly!
I don't see how this thing is a pet?
Patrick[tosses Rolly onto the guard's face] Oh, here! Take a closer look! [Rolly rolls off the guards face, and the guard falls down.]
Oh, yes, he's adorable! Go right in! [face falls flat]
[points up] That cloud looks like an elephant fish.
[points] That one looks like an iron maiden.
[points] That one looks like a baby jellyfish.
Ooh, [points] that one looks like a depth charge. Thank you, SpongeBob, for a truly wonderful day. [gets up] I had a lot of brothers and sister growing up, but never one who was actually nice to me.
Little brother, I'm ready.
Ready? Ready for what?
[stands up holding the brotherly love meter] We're real brothers now. [tosses away meter] I'm ready to share my deepest, most secretest [Plankton's pupil turns into the secret formula] secret. [Plankton forms an evil expression] I swore I'd never tell it to anyone. Oh, but I'm nervous. Could you go first?
Of course. Anything for my brother. Eh. [pacing] I put on a gruff exterior because I don't want the world to hurt me. But deep down, I'm afraid I'll push everyone away and end up alone. [looks up at SpongeBob, whose sad face is shown in a close-up]
Well, thanks very much for sharing that, little brother. Now it's my turn. [inhales deeply] No one is supposed to know this, but--but--
Yes? [holds out pen and notepad] Yes?
My tie, it's-- [holds out his tie, which is revealed to be a clip-on] a clip-on!
[points with pen] I knew it! Wait, what?
I never learned how to tie a tie! Look at it! Look at it! [holds tie in front of Plankton and rubs it onto him] Look your eyes upon my accursed shame! [breathes heavily, wipes sweat] Whew, sure felt good to get that off my chest.
That's it? That's your secret? [grabs eye] Are you kidding me?
Yep, that was it. Wait, are you upset?
You're darn right I am! You were supposed to tell me the secret formula! Nobody cares about your tie!
The secret formula? That's what you wanted to hear? Oh, I can't share that. [pokes head] It's locked in my brain box.
[Zoom into SpongeBob's brain box, where a police guard Mr. Krabs is snoring while lounging in front of a safe. Beeping is heard.]
Well, then, [holds up chainsaw] I'll use this key to unlock it! [laughs evilly, SpongeBob shrieks, Plankton laughs evilly even more, then is taken away by Harold, swinging around while being held]
Oh, boy, I was afraid of this.
[holding the basket] It looks like you two just weren't made to be brothers. [shakes head] Such a shame.
[Harold places white clothing onto him] Hey, what are you doing?
Well, the only thing responsible parents can do--making our child someone else's problem. [places Plankton in the basket, then he and Margaret take off]
[waving] Bye, Plankton. I really liked having you as a brother.
Yeah, well, I hated every minute-- [Harold puts a pacifier in his mouth, which he sucks on, Margaret places Plankton in the basket in front of the Star family house, rings the doorbell, then he and Margaret quickly leave]
[answers the front door with Cecil] Why, look, Cecil! It's a baby boy.
Fantastic! I've always wanted our son to have a brother. Oh, Patrick!
Patrick[opens the top window and jumps out of it, taking Plankton with him] All right! Let's play checkers! [spits out a checkerboard and hits Plankton against the board repeatedly] Checkers! Checkers! Checkers!
Ouch! Ow! [Patrick giggles, injured] Oh, brother.
[with a bag of popcorn] Oh, my. I hope he isn't too hurt. [eats popcorn, chuckles]
[jumps down to Santa] Santa, talk to me, big fella. [grabs him]
[groans, disoriented] Mrs. Claus, the Easter Bunny is here to see you. [points to Sandy]
Oh, that ain't good. Come on, Santa. Don't you know what day it is?
Of course. [holds up a heart and flowers] Happy Valentine's Day! [kisses Sandy] Mwah. [falls over and groans]
Oh.
Oh, boy..
That old elf is one sugarplum shy of a fruitcake.
Yeah, bro. How is Santa gonna deliver our presents now?
He's not. Sandy knocked him right out of the sky with her big dumb tree.
PatrickThat's exactly why I don't trust trees. [SpongeBob puts his hand on his shoulder]
But what's the point of having Christmas without any [screams] PRESENTS!?
You, like, totally ruined Christmas. [cries, running off and knocking people over]
[angrily leaves]
Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry, y'all.
It'll be OK, Sandy. At least Santa's having a good time.
[walking drunkenly] Hey, where are you goin'? The party's just gettin' started. [party horn toots, falls down] Whoa! [party horn toots]
[puts her hands on her face] Oh!
Ooh, you got him, Patrick!
PatrickYou're mine now, jelly! [Jellyfish buzzes and flinches; Patrick falls asleep, snoring]
[Squidward sits down at a table to read a newspaper and accidentally rips it after hearing a honking noise.]
[crumples and tosses away his newspaper] Dad, can you keep your honking down?! [looks out his side window and gets shocked while discovering SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] Oh, no.
[Jeffy squeezing a rubber chicken in front of SpongeBob and Patrick, who started laughing and clapping]
If you like rubber chickens, you'll love this bicycle horn! [honks a bicycle horn, blowing on SpongeBob and Patrick's face and they laugh again] That's right, boys. I've got horns aplenty. Foghorns! [uses a foghorn in front of SpongeBob and Patrick, blowing fog at them] French horns! [blows a French horn, which makes a French man noise and shoots a baguette into SpongeBob's face] Bull horns! [blows a horn to inflate an inflatable bull] Just $9.99 each. [the bull falls onto SpongeBob and Patrick] I take all major credit cards, but I promise [nudges SpongeBob with his elbow] I'd give them all back. [he, SpongeBob and Patrick laugh and Squidward walked angrily]
Please do not arm my annoying neighbors with even more annoying props! I'm begging you, father.
[he and Patrick gasp in shock] Squidward, this is your dad?!
PatrickI thought Mr. Krabs was your dad!
No, Patrick, and I would appreciate it if you left my father and I alone. [tries bringing Jeffy along with him to leave]
Oh, come on, Squidward. Join in. It's just harmless fun.
[now with a joy buzzer] Yeah, harmless fun. Put her there, Patrick.
[Patrick puts his hand out for SpongeBob and gets electrocuted, then puts out his hand again with a joy buzzer. SpongeBob puts out his hand and gets electrocuted. Lastly, they high-five and both get electrocuted and they laugh.]
No. [walks away]
[puts both of his tentacles out with joy buzzers] Here, let me help you two up. [SpongeBob and Patrick get electrocuted, then they all laugh]
[closes the bedroom curtains] Well, today was a wash. Guess I'll try again tomorrow. I just need to sleep for... [winds his alarm clock] 23 1/2 hours. [tries to go to sleep, but a fart sound comes out from a whoopee cushion below his bed]
"Aw, tartar sauce!"
Abrasive SpongeBobTom Kenny · 691 quotes
SquidwardRodger Bumpass · 334 quotes
KMr. Krabs261 quotes
PPlankton138 quotes
SandyCarolyn Lawrence · 76 quotes
KarenJill Talley · 44 quotes
Mrs. PuffMary Jo Catlett · 37 quotes
French NarratorTom Kenny · 32 quotes
GaryTom Kenny · 30 quotes
PatchyTom Kenny · 23 quotes
PearlLori Alan · 22 quotes
FredMr. Lawrence · 19 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
