Ice Cream KingAre you the exterminator?
Oh. [laughs] No. I'm not the extra gator. I'm here to redeem my coupon for a free ice cream! It's for my bestest friend, but it's out of date.
Ice Cream King
[points to a pile of coupons] They're all out of date because I don't know what year it is.
I don't know what anything is. [he and the Ice Cream King look at each other]
Ice Cream King
Are you smart or dumb?
[thinks for a bit] Apples?
Ice Cream King
Genius! Let's see your head. [squeezes Patrick's head] I can't feel your brain.
[lifts his foot with his brain appearing in it] It's down here today.
Ice Cream King
[lifts his foot with his brain appearing in it] Mine too! High 5! [they do a high 5 but end up hitting each other] Secret handshake? [they both slap each other and fly around all over the place until they stop] Perfect! You don't know the secret handshake either. Hey, I don't know your name. [pushes Patrick]
Hey, you're right! [pushes the Ice Cream King]
Ice Cream King
[snatches the coupon from Patrick] This may still be redeemable according to the fine print.
Welcome to the annual Bikini Bottom Parade, and it's a beautiful ocean day for it. I'm Perch Perkins, coming to you live from downtown. And with me is this year's co-host, the one and only Ice Cream King. [the Ice Cream King is asleep, and flails wildly when Perch touches him] It's an honor to have you, Your Majesty. Do I call you King or Ice?
Ice Cream King
[gasps] Hey, you're that guy! How'd you get out of my TV, [pinches Perch's cheek] you bad little boy? [squishes Perch's cheeks] Ooh, you're wearing makeup! [close-up of purple makeup on Perch's face] Are you a cloud? [shakes him] I want a balloon!
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure. We'll get you a balloon. [cheers and applause, Pearl and a marching band march past] And to kick off this year's parade here comes the Bikini Bottom High School marching band. You know, even when they're not playing, they love to march together. The band is actually made up of 35 individual bands. Amazing precision from these youngsters! [The band members make the shape of a flower cloud.]
Ice Cream King
[gasps] They all wore the same outfit. How embarrassing. [The band members make the shape of a jellyfish.]
Ice Cream King
That's a jellyfish? I was gonna say a clump of hair.
[A trumpet player splits into two and spins away.]
Wait, did that kid just separate into two organisms via binary fission? [another one splits and spins away]
Ice Cream King
I've been bicycle fishing. It really hurts. [the crowd cheers as the band members split into more jellyfish, then clear out a rectangular space]
[laughs] Aren't those kids amazing? [horn honks, boats drive wildly onto the road as pedestrians run away] And what have we here? It's the kooky Nitwitting Club.[One member jumps out of his boat, dumps his brain out of a bucket, puts it on his head, and runs away. Another one spins on the brain and leaves a trail of drool. The Ice Cream King comes in with a boat on his head, makes engine noises, and rolls around.] Okay, the Ice Cream King has joined his fellow Nitwitters. Whoa, I've never seen anyone drive like that before! [crowd cheering]
[At the start of the parade, the Krusty Krab float is between Fred's leg float and a jellyfishing float with a robotic Kevin. Mr. Krabs is on top of the formula bottle and SpongeBob is at the deep fryers.]
Boy, after seeing this float, everyone will rush to the Krusty Krab! How ya set up with those [points down] expired fries, boy-o?
[takes out baskets] Good and greasy, boss! [puts baskets in grease]
[squished inside the patty] No, I'm not! I can't see a thing with SpongeBob in front of me!
Excellent! It's our turn. Let's move it out! [The float crashes through the "Parade Start" banner. Bubble transition to the float for Larry's Gym moving past. Two strong fish are lifting weights.]
Next up we have the Beefy Bros from Larry's Gym. Whoa, look at those meatheads pump iron.[Larry lifts up the float and laughs] That's some impressive muscle hustle![An inflated Mrs. Puff floats down the street, being carried by kids in small boats.]
And here comes Mrs. Puff. Oh, as her own balloon!
Ice Cream King
Whoa, I want that balloon![Patrick's rock slides past, making a scraping sound.]
Patrick's rock is one float that doesn't float.
AAudience
Aah! [covers their ears, Bubble Bass gestures on top of the Invisible Boatmobile with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.]
Oh, looks like Bubble Bass has hitched a ride with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. And what's this? [Fred rides by in a float of his leg.] Not to be outdone, it's Fred in his incredible My Leg Mobile.
My leg! My leg! I'm in my leg!
Ice Cream King
[sniffs and inhales Perch's hair] I smell grease!
Oh, that's not me you're smelling, King!
[seriously] Same as every year. [shrugs] Ah, why not? And now, I'd like to thank my co-host, the Ice Cream King. Hey, King?
Ice Cream King
[chuckles stupidly and rides away on Mrs. Puff, waving]
Ice Cream King
[laughs] I got my balloon!
Goobfather and Mr. Krabs': The Ice Cream King!?
Ice Cream King
[speaking through megaphone] Cease your hostil-lily-- hostile-- quit fightin'! Ice cream isn't meant for brawling! It's supposed to bring sugar fueled fun, belly aches, and brain freezes to the world!
GGoobfather
We shouldn't be fighting.
There's plenty of saps-- er, customers in town for both of us. [Mr. Krabs and the Goobfather eat their weapons and hug.]
Ice Cream King
And if you don't quit fighting, I'll use my ultimate weapon, the ice cream bomb!
GKGoobfather and Mr. Krabs
Ice cream bomb!?
GGoobfather
We've already stopped fighting!
Ice Cream King
What? I-I can't hear you! Uh, hold on, I'll be right down. Bombs away! [hits button and rides down on a giant popsicle, waving his crown] Whoo-hoo! Yee-haw! Yee-ha-haw!
[The ice cream bomb lands on Mr. Krabs and the Goobfather and explodes, covering Bikini Bottom in ice cream. Squidward screams as he is sent through the air. A guy eats the ice cream.]
GGuy
Hey, everyone, free ice cream! [Kids dive into the ice cream and eat it. SpongeBob and Patrick eat it.]
[with a wheelbarrow full of ice cream] Free ice cream forever! [giggles]
Ice Cream King
[pops out of ice cream and laughs] You're welcome!
[turns up the thermostat and laughs] This'll sizzle their sorbet.
Try and keep up, y'all! Oh, my scoops are on fire!
PGPurple goon
His funky scoops are so smokin' hot, I'm sweating! [as his ice cream melts]
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
