Butters Stotch quotes from South Park

Kyle

Dude, that new kid is such a douche.

Cartman

Yeah, somebody needs to put him in his place.

Butters

He's a pecker-face, that's what he is.

Cartman

Go kick his ass, Stan!

Yeah, go kick his ass.

Stan

[unsure] W-—maybe he won't fight.

Cartman

Will he bleed? That's all we care about.

Kyle

Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that buckskin smirk off his face.

Yeah, little bitch!

Stan

Alright, I'm going to go kick his leg. [leaves to do so]

Cartman

Yeah, go Stan! Go Stan! ...alright, I've got five bucks on the other kid, who wants in?

Bebe

Whatever! You guys are holes!

Butters

At least we have holes, you dumb girl!

Butters

Let's see how you like dealing with me, Ninjas! [laughs evilly]

Ooh, Butters. Are you going out to play again?

Butters

Yeah, Mom. I'm just going outside for a little while.

Well could you be a sweetie and take that pie over there to the Thompsons? I made it to thank them for babysitting you last week.

Butters

[normal voice] Oh, o-o-okay, Mom.

Cartman

Alright, dickhole, time for you to pay! [realizes his powers don't work] Oh, no, I have no powers! Kyle took them away from me! Quick, Kyle, give me back my powers so I can fight this evil villain!

Kyle

Okay, okay, you can have your powers back!

Cartman

Alright, now I use my powers to...turn Kyle into a chicken! Blam!

Kyle

[is turned into a chicken] OH, COME ON!

Cartman

[sing-song voice] Ha ha ha ha ha-ha, now you are a chi-cken, nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh nyeh-nyeh.

Butters

Enough! I grow weary of your foolishness. Professor Chaos cannot be stopped.

Stan

Oh, yeah? Kenny, use your ninja star!

Kenny

[muffled] Yeah! Try this, Professor Chaos! (gets out a shuriken) Feel my wrath! [throws shuriken at Butters, hitting him in the eyeball...]

Butters

[Wailing cry]

Cartman

Oh, shit, dude!

Stan

Butters! Oh, my God!

Stan

Oh, dude, it's stuck in his eye!

Kyle

What the hell did you do that for, Kenny?!

Kenny

[muffled] I just threw my ninja star at him.

Butters

IT HURTS!! IT HURTS!!

Stan

But that isn't the point, Butters, the point is that this is now! It's on, and there are people who need you to step up. Look, nobody likes having to rise to a challenge, but competing against other people and getting in their faces and saying "ha ha, I'm better than you" is part of life. And if you can't face that, then you might as well sit here playing with Lego until you're an old man.

Butters

Get out of my room, Stan.

Stan

Fine. But one day you're gonna have to stop running from what happened and deal with it, otherwise you might as well move to France with all the other pussies. [leaves Butters's room]

Butters

When Cartman is playing all alone in his backyard, he likes to dress up as Britney Spears and pretend he's her. He sings and dances with a life size cut-out of Justin Timberlake.

Cartman

[as AWESOM-O] ...You saw that?

Butters

Yeah, and I videotaped him doing it!

Cartman

[as AWESOM-O] No way.

Butters

I got the whole thing on tape; even the making out with Justin Timberlake.

Cartman

[as AWESOM-O] Nuh-uh...

So-so that's it? No $200,000,000? [down to Butters; annoyed] Well, Butters, I hope you're happy.

Butters

[turns left and walks away in disgrace] I'm a bad bear. I'm a very bad old bear.

You're grounded, old bear.

Butters

Well you know, Preacher says before your soul can be at peace, sometimes you have to atone for something bad you did.

Cartman

Atone?

Butters

Did you ever do something really bad?

Cartman

[Thinking] Not really.

Cartman

Let's see, oh and I broke Mr. Anderson's fence and never told him about it, I took a crap in the Principal's purse - seven times, then there was the time I convinced a woman to have an abortion so I could build my own Shakey's Pizza, I pretended to be retarded and joined the Special Olympics, I tried to have all the Jews exterminated last spring... oh yeah there was this one kid whose parents I killed and them made into chili which I fed to the kid.

Butters

Boy, oh, boy, Eric you've got a lot to atone for.

Cartman

Really?

Butters

Really. I mean honestly, I don't know how you're going to make up for all of this.

Cartman

I know how... [He begins making gift baskets].

Cartman

You son of a bitch, Butters.

Butters

Huh?

Cartman

YOU TOLD ME I WAS A GHOST!!!!

Butters

But then I thought you were one!

Cartman

HOW STUPID ARE YOU?! So help me God, Butters, I'm gonna get you back for this! I am going to GET! YOU! BACK!

Butters

'Ey, who's dropping bombs in there?! How 'bout a courtesy flush?!

Cartman

Up yours, Butters!

Cartman

Ah, gentlemen, thank you for coming. We don't have a lot of time, so I'll cut to the chase. The girls at our school have been hiding something from us; hiding something huge.

What?

Cartman

What if I were to tell you that the girls have a device which allows them to see into the future?

Stan

What?

Butters

How do you know?

Kyle

The girls do not have a device that shows them the future, Cartman. That's retarded.

[with a faux British accent] You, sir, mocked Cartman before. Yet you too sit here demanding answers. Now damn you, let him speak!

Cartman

[Somewhat shocked] Thank you, Clyde.

Now today we have a special guest speaker. Does anyone know who our last vice-president was?

Kyle

Dick Cheney?

No, no, the last one.

Butters

Bill Clinton?

No, Clinton's Vice President.

Butters

I don't play World of Warcraft.

Cartman

Butters, you said you were on your computer all the time.

Butters

Yeah, but I'm playing Hello Kitty: Island Adventure.

Cartman

[sighs] Butters, go buy World of Warcraft, install it on your computer and join the online sensation before we all murder you.

Butters

Oh...alright then.

[pulling up to the house as Butters runs out] Butters! We told you to be in bed! What are you doing?

Butters

[traumatized] I summoned Biggie Smalls, the hip-hop rapper!

You had a nightmare. Turn around and get back in your room, right now!

Butters

But, Dad, Biggie Smalls is gonna bust a cap in my ass!

Well, do you want to get shot or you want to be grounded? [Butters runs back inside the house and to his room, screaming; to Linda] Honestly, why do you let him watch that darned Black Entertainment Channel?