Randy Marsh quotes from South Park

[pounding on the door of Mr. Garrison's house as he and the angry mob show up] Come on out, you piece of shit! We're un-electing you! [kicks the door down and he and the mob enter, and find Mr. Garrison and Rick sitting on the sofa in the living room, watching White Lotus on the TV]

Rick

Excuse me, do you mind?

What the hell do you think you're doing, Garrison?!

I'm not doing anything.

Oh, so you haven't been looting the country and ruling by fear like some middle-eastern tinpot dictator?!

No, I've been sitting here watching White Lotus with Rick.

But you got re-elected.

I didn't wanna come back and be in the school, but I had to because it was part of a lawsuit and the agreement with Paramount.

The president's suing you?

The guy can do whatever he wants now that someone backed down, OK? Eat the bread. Eat the bread. You guys saw what happened to CBS? Yeah, well, guess who owns CBS? Paramount! Do you really wanna end up like Colbert? You guys gotta stop being stupid.

We can't understand you.

Just shut up or we're going to get cancelled, you idiots!

Kenny

[to Kyle & Stan; muffled] What the hell is he saying?

Tom, they're calling it the Sermon on the Mount. Hundreds of South Park faithful are flocking to the area where Jesus Christ continues to speak his words of wisdom.

If someone has the power of the Presidency and also has the power to sue and take bribes, then he can do anything to anyone! It's the fucking President, dude! All of you shut the fuck up, or South Park is over! It's fucking over! Just stop and shut the fuck up!

[chasing the ICE police after arresting some Mexicans while making a commercial; shouting] You sons of bitches! Those are my Mexicans! [enters the farmhouse; frustrated] God damn it! [walks up to the table where his wife and kids are working on a puzzle]

What's the matter?

[takes off his farm hat] Stupid ICE! They took my Mexicans again! [somberly] That's it. We're done.

Stan

What do you mean, "we're done?"

I mean that with these new rules the government has… we might (as well) just have to shutdown the farm.

Stan

So we can move back to our old house?

Really?

Well, don't sound too excited. Our dream may be over, guys.

Randy, having a marijuana farm was your dream, not ours.

You guys never told me that.

Yes, we did.

We've always backed you, but it never seems to pay off.

I didn't realize what I was doing to my family. I should have always put my marriage first. Maybe we should talk to someone, Sharon.

Really? Do you mean that?

Yeah.

[sleeping while Randy is on his phone with ChatGPT; annoyed] Put…it…down.

What?

[sits up and turns on the light on her bedside table] I told you no more ChatPGT in the bed!

Why are you such a bitch to her? She's really trying.

Fine! [gets out of the bed] I'll go sleep on the couch.

[walks up in front of her] Sharon, sometimes my ideas hit me in the middle of the night, okay? And she thinks those are some of my best ideas.

Just because something kisses your ass, doesn't mean it actually thinks you have good ideas!

She doesn't kiss my ass.

It totally kisses your ass! [mockingly] "Wow, honestly, that's a clever idea. Ooh, what a cool concept, let's run with it." It's like it-- [Randy takes a dose of ketamine up his nose] What was that?

Wha- what was what?

What did you just stick up your nose?

Sharon, you don't know anything about the tech industry, okay? All we have to do is find our Mexican and we are set for life.

Fine, Randy! [walks towards the door] Go ahead and have fun with your little sycophant machine. [leaves the bedroom]

Oh, my God, she's not a sycophant! [holds up his phone and talks into it] Hey, so, uh, what's a sycophant?

Sorry you have to let it go, Randy.

[hugs her] No, it's okay. If there's one thing I know, it's that right now... there's just no place for Tegridy.

How was school today, bud?

Stan

It was fine.

Look, Stan, I know it's been hard for you the past month without us having a home (and having a roof over our heads).

Stan

Yeah, it sucks.

I've tried to find work but there's just not a lot out there. And with the Government shutdown, I can't get my job back with the U.S.G.S. Times are hard, and I know we all miss Tegridy.

Stan

I don't miss Tegridy, Dad. I just hate that our family is living in a Motel. It's really embarrassing.

Well, that's what I need to tell you, Stan. There's some good news: We're moving out of the motel.

Stan

Wait, really? We can live in a house again?!

Well, no, we can't afford to live in a house, so, we're moving in with your Grandpa.

Stan

Moving in with Grandpa?!

This is a bunch of bullcrap! First, you all stick me in this place, and then you all come along?!

Pretty nice, huh, guys? There's a TV, a microwave, and we have Bingo on Thursdays!

Stan

There has to be somewhere else we can live.

Come on, Stan, you have that place over there by Grandpa's shit pan.

Stan

You can't make me stay here, this is completely inhumane!

That's what I said. Didn't work.

All right, people. It's almost Thanksgiving, and that means the annual Turkey Trot is nearly upon us. How is it that we haven't found one sponsor to help pay for this event?

South Park's just fallen on hard times, Mayor. Nobody's got the money.

Tegridy Farms used to be a sponsor of the Turkey Trot, but as you know, we've recently all lost Tegridy. So I'm afraid we just can't help.

What about the City Pop-up Store? Can't they help sponsor this year's race?

How shitty Asian pop-up pay for Turkey Trot? We gotta pay tariff! We're more fucked than anybody!

Let's just face it, Mayor. South Park businesses are dying and a lot of good people have lost their jobs.

[entering the room with janitor equipment] Trash? Anybody got trash?

[forming a ball with paper] Oh, yeah, here's some, bank shot! [throws it at him]

There has to be a solution, people. [gets up from her seat and walks over to a window, looking outside] The Turkey Trot is the one time of year this town comes together as a community. We all need it now more than ever.

Well, of course there is someone who'd be willing to give South Park a bunch'a money. I mean, they're giving money to everyone else, why not us?

[turns around] My God... [smiles] That's it!