[Stan heads back to Cartman's room and takes off the Oculus headset with the next scene showing the boys in live-action]
KyleSo aside from all the bullcrap, why you think of the Oculus?
It's pretty cool, but the graphics suck.
[entering the room; hopping happily] Fellas, I'm not grounded anymore.
[Lunchtime in the school cafeteria]
Think about it, you guys. From the moment that PC Principal took over Kyle has been different. Haven't you noticed?
He's distracting us, either because he's too afraid or because he- [Kyle arrives with his lunch and sits next to him; Butters is stunned that Kyle showed up]
Kyle
Well what are you guys talking about?
Stan's calling you a traitor.
Kyle
What?!
Kyle, I think it's pretty obvious you don't want us investigating PC Principal.
Kyle
And why do you think that, Stan?!
Kyle
Because if anyone has a reason for us not mess with PC Principal, it's you! Let's not forget that Stan's dad is PC Principal's little bitch!
Wuh huh, that's a good point.
I am loving this right now.
My dad's stupid, not a bitch! This is about you being scared, Kyle!
Kyle
It is you, isn't it?! That's why you're trying to shift the blame on me. That's very Cartman of you, Stan!
Hohh that's low. [smiles]
Don't you dare call me a Cartman!
Kyle
N-ho, that's good! Just keep on distracting everybody! It seems to be working, Cartman!
[talking in Cartman's voice] FUCK YOU, KYLE! [delivers a left hook and Kyle falls off the lunch bench]
[Outside, boys into the woods, he up the stairs, and Kyle opens the door]
Oh, dude, is this it? This is cool. So isolated. [He looks a shovel to a hole dug in ground] Check it out. There's a shovel next to a hole dug in the ground. [Inside the cabin, Cartman use the computer to show the password] Dude, is this where we're gonna play? I call dibs on this side. What's the WiFi called? Is there a password? [Kyle closes the cabin door, and show the tools to bring the Cartman’s electronics] I don't see it. I don't see it coming up on my laptop. I don't know. I think maybe the WiFi's not working. [He puts stuff on top] Where's the box? You gotta unplug it and plug it back in. [Turning around] You guys? You guys? There's… no WiFi.
The girls are gonna do something drastic to us. We have to take matters into our own hands.
[Cartman looks afraid]
[afraid] What are you… What are you guys talking about?
You brought this on yourself, Cartman. We're sorry.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you guys are gonna break all my stuff so I can't get online.
Kyle
Just put your stuff on the table and step back.
[panic] Please! Please don't break my stuff, you guys! This is like, two Christmas and a birthday worth of stuff! You guys can't do this! Please!
Let's just get it over with.
No, don't take over with! Don't break my stuff! I'm not SkankHunt! I'm not! You guys, you guys, you don't have to do this. You don't have to do this. We can still just play CounterStrike and forget everything. Oh, my God, there's no WiFi. We can use my phone, to make a hotspot and we can still play CounterStrike! It'll be sweet! You guys, come on, please! Please you can't!
Please, Clyde! Clyde, you’re my friend! Please, you, you know how much I need my stuff!
Let's just get it over with! [Walks up to Cartman, then he goes to break stuff]
No, please, if I can't get online, I won't have it… I… [Craig stabs Cartman’s laptop with his knife, screams] No, God! No! Don't!! Don't!! Don't!! Oh, my God!! [He knocked on the table and destroyed by the boys] Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!! AAHH!!! NIAH!!! NIAAAH!!! AAHH!!! AAHH!!! NAAAHHHH!!! [Cartman passed out]
[Outside the woods, Token pats the roots with shovel. The boys looks horrified]
Kyle
What we had to do.
[Cartman screams this instance]
Kyle
So somebody, like Heidi, could use it to see your entire Internet history. Everything you ever said and did on the Internet, even before you were together.
[a look of fear crosses his face] Well, Heidi doesn't actually use the Internet. We've sworn off that stuff, so it's kewl.
Kyle
Right, but somebody, like me, could look up your entire Internet history, print it out, and give it to Heidi. I would imagine there's some things you've done or said on the Internet you wouldn't want Heidi to know about.
[Kyle returns home from school and finds Ike sitting in the dining room corner]
Kyle
Ike? What are you doing?
Don't talk to him! He is in big trouble!
Kyle
What'd he do?
It's him, Kyle! Your brother is the Internet troll who's caused all this pain in our community!
Kyle
What?!
It was him all along! Now we have to figure out what to tell people when they learn that this ugliness came from our family!
[Broflovski Residence; Kyle's room]
[enraged] WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! HOW DARE YOU OUTRIGHT DEFY ME LIKE THAT?! Your brother was being punished for using the computer, and you just decide to leave with him?!
Kyle
I just felt bad for him, Ma.
You felt BAD for him?! After all the horrible things he said to people online?! Your brother is a sick troll, Kyle! You just wait till your father gets home! [leaves Kyle's room, slamming the door closed]
Kyle
"Officials have stated that all communication with Denmark has ended and that a military strike on the country is now imminent."
Kyle
"The President stated that since the--"
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! [Kyle and Ike scream and fall away from the computer] GET OFF THAT COMPUTER!!!
Kyle
Mom, we were just using it to look at the news.
I DON'T CARE! I said, no computers! You kids are addicted to the Internet! You're sick, and you're addicted! It's changed your brother, and now it's turning you against me, Kyle!
Kyle
I'm not against you, Mom.
You are! Your father goes away on business and all you do is defy me at every turn! The next time you defy me, it will be your last! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
And when your father gets home from Denmark, you two are both going in for counseling.
Kyle
What is Dad doing in Denmark?!
The government sent him over there to do paralegal training. So it would have been nice if you could have shown a little support!
Kyle
Ike. It's time. I don't know if i'm strong enough to go through with this, but it's the only way now.
Kyle
Just remember... I always loved you, little brother.
I love you, too, big brother.
Kyle
Let's just get it over with.
Suck my balls. You're a fat bitch. [runs off]
WHAAAAAAAAAT?! [gets out of her bed and chases after him downstairs to the kitchen] You get back here, you little monster! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU! Don't you run away from me, Ike! Who do you think you are?! [to Kyle] Where is he?! Where is your brother?!
Kyle
He's in the pantry.
Don't you try and hide from me now! [goes in the pantry] You are in big trouble, Ike! [Kyle shuts the door behind her and props a chair up under the door knob] Whaaat?! What, whaat?! Kyle! You open his door right now!! Open this door!!!
You are all dumb-ass... fuckwads. [as Sheila furiously twitches while entering his room after breaking out of the pantry] Lick my asshole, you Mexican... bitch.
[incredibly enraged] IKE!!! [Ike screams] YOU DARE LOCK ME IN THE PANTRY SO YOU CAN PLAY ON YOUR COMPUTER?! [runs for his computer, picks up the monitor, and smashes it to the floor]
YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE!
[screams as he runs out of his room and down the hallway into Gerald's study] Kyle!
Kyle
Shit! [gets off the computer]
YOU! You helped make your brother this way!
Kyle
Mom, there's been a mistake. Ike isn't the school troll. We're trying to help the--
[interrupting] SHUT UP! Not another word from either of you! You're both grounded from the computer… FOREVER!
Kyle
Dude, Stan. Come on, dude, we're gonna go set off fireworks at Kenny's house.
I will. I just gotta do this for my grandpa first.
Again? Dude, how many crappy crochet pillows do you have to give out for him?
I don't know. It's what he wants. I feel bad for him, all right? I think he's miserable.
He's old. He's supposed to be miserable.
Look, I just gotta make this exchange for him and then we can go. Oh, oh, I think this is her now.
SSwiper
Are you Stan Marsh? It's me, Swiper.
Cool. Do you have the Hummel?
SSwiper
This is it. Ride Into Christmas, Limited Edition. Now give me the pillow. I have to get to a birthday party.
SSwiper
All right, peace.
Kyle
Dude, that's really weird.
Dude, what the fuck, Stan?!
I don't know, all right?!
Kyle
You didn't know you were slinging drugs for your grandpa?
It didn't occur to me as a possibility.
Dude, did you hear everyone in school?! They're coming after you! You killed Swiper the Fox, and we were standing there with you! You gotta tell people we had no idea what was going on!
I had no idea what was going on!
[enters the bathroom] Hey, fellas! Boy, that Marcus kid is on the warpath, huh? Well, he's really motivated. I mean, screw that kid, but I guess it's good somebody's finally doing something about these goddamn drug dealers. Well, see ya, fellas. [leaves the bathroom]
Our only way out is to go to the police right now and turn Stan's grandpa in!
No, we don't have to do that! Let me talk to him. I can put a stop to this.
That dirty whore! Who does that bitch think she is?! Packing my lunch for me?! Fuck her, dude!
Pissed off at your girlfriend again, huh, Eric?
She's not a girlfriend. She's a controlling, manipulative whore!
Kyle
That's enough, Cartman! I am so sick of hearing you call Heidi horrible things!
That's because you don't understand how much it sucks to be in a relationship!
South Park · 1,569 quotes
