Eric Cartman quotes from South Park

Eric Cartman

Your mamma's so poor she can't even pay attention!

Eric Cartman

My mamma's so poor she walks down the street in one shoe, and if you ask her if she lost a shoe, she says 'No I found one!'

Eric Cartman

(singing) I'm not, I'm not, that's right. The poor kid at schoooooool.

Cartman

Cartman's Passover holiday special. starring... The Jewpacabra!

Cartman

I'm pretty sure that this cow can make ginger cheese. Which is like a Swiss cheese but instead of holes it has freckles.

Cartman

Did you see Prometheus? I don't even think the writers knew what that was about.

Cartman

You guys, come on. That's not kewl. You shouldn't rip on her because she's fat. You should rip on her 'cause she's ugly. Okay? She looks like someone hit her in the face with a hot shovel, and that's why she sucks, alright?

Cartman

What should we name him, Kenny? I know, how about McNuggets?

Cartman

Weak. I live in a hot dog.

Cartman

Yeah. NPR. National Public Radio, where all the liberals bitch and whine about stuff!

[singing] School Days, School Days, Teachers Golden Rule Da--

Kyle

Aw, damn it!

Stan

What?

Kyle

My god damn brother is trying to follow me to school again!

Kyle

Dude! Don't call my brother a dildo!

Stan

What's a dildo?

Cartman

Yeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is, alright.

Meow.

Cartman

No, Kitty, this is my pot pie!

Meow.

Cartman

No, Kitty, s'bad Kitty!

Meow.

Cartman

NO, KITTY, S'MY POT PIE!

[hisses at Cartman]

Cartman

MOM! KITTY'S BEING A DILDO!

Well, then I know a certain Kitty-Kitty who's sleeping with Mommy tonight.

Cartman

What?

Get some today, and say with me – Beefcake!

Beefcake.

BEEFCAKE!!

Beefcake!

BEEEFFCAAAAAKE!!!

May cause irreversible damage to the kidneys and liver.

Mom, [he turns his head to the left] can you get me some Weight Gain 4000?

Okay, Eric, I'll get you some tomorrow.

but mum I need it for tomorrow mum.

But tomorrow's grocery shopping, Eric.

MOM...![he starts yelling gibberish, while throwing his Cheesy Poofs]

Okay, okay! Well, I guess I'll be going to the store now then.

Kyle

Whoa, Cartman! Talk about wide load!

Cartman

Yeah, I'm really starting to fill out nicely.

Kyle

You're not "filling out nicely"! You're fatter than ever!

Cartman

I'm not fat! I'm getting in shape!

Kyle

Cartman, you're such a fat ass that when you walk down the street, people go, "GODdamn it, that's a big fat ass!"

Cartman

No, they don't, you jealous weakling!

Goddamn, that's a big fat ass!

Cartman

Hey!

Stan

My uncle Jimbo says that after this he's gonna take me hunting in Africa.

Kyle

Wow. That'd be cool.

Cartman

My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.