TV show quotes
So we're starting a war with the So-Solid crew.
Simon, we can't take on da Crew!
Yeah we can, Bill. What about it? Why don't Bill and I come around and sleep with your wives? And Phill, he's loaded and ready to go! Lets go! I'm coming over with my sex men!
I have the ears of death!
And I have a penis! What have you got Phill?
I've got 300 pounds that you probably won't be able to get from underneath. So it's not a shag, it's more a fight for survival!
Javine was one of the most boring people I've ever interviewed. And I've interviewed Ronan Keating.
Do it again, Jamelia, do the sexy moves.
And I'll provide the eye candy.
I love Lily, I think she's wicked, but I did ask for an edited version of Lily's album for my daughter, and Lily said she hopes she's not paying for it.
No, I just said... [laughter] Not being funny, Jamelia, but I didn't make my album for your child.
[All go 'Ooohhhh...']
Call her a slag, call her a slag!
[All go 'Yeahhh...']
[Talking about the line up]
Number five is the proprietor of a remote guest house. "Yeeaass? There's room in the east wing. Eehaha! Would you like me to run you a bath? Breakfast is served between 7:00 and 7:03...ON MY BACK Eeeeahahahahaha!!"
[Reading in intro] "Love is like a butterfly..."?
You...put a pin through it's back.
[During the timed round "Next Lines']
Can we just move on to the ones I know, come on, please!
[Pauses] You know what you need?
No, Simon! Just move on, no!
Come with me...[He pulls her up] You need a hug. Yeah, yeah. I know - I know that - [She starts to pull away but he pulls her back] stay in it - I know you feel you have issues with intimacy. You feel that you're not loved. You have a hundred thousand friends on MySpace but are they really friends that you can touch, no, I'm touching you now. Okay? Everyone loves you here, you don't need points, you can just be you.
Okay.
[They sit. The time runs out]
Time up, I'm afraid.
No!!
Do you want another hug?
I would rather eat shit.
With regulars Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey, Phill Jupitus
With guests Danny Jones, David Gest, Dan Gillespie Sells, Jenni Falconer
[About surnames]
Danny, did they say "We're looking for celebrity Joneses"?
No.
Danny's surname is "from McFly".
[About David Gest's friend Michael Jackson]
Be nice to him.
Awwww, be nice to the baby-dangling freak....Sorry, sorry, it just slipped out.
[Laughter]
He didn't mean it, did he? He loves that child. He just wanted the people to see! And if he drops it...so? The fans need something!
David, you must have met Grace Jones. Or married her?
So far, Michael Jackson...should we keep going? I'm keeping count.
That's your type though, slightly unhinged gay icon, right? Have you met Grace Jones?
No.
Call yourself a starfucker?
I'm a big fan of Michael Jackson.
Not any more.
Why not?
'Cause you put him down.
No I didn't, it was that man over there.
[Bill waves]
I love Michael Jackson...and I hate babies, so...
[Talking about David's love life]
I'm seeing someone but I'm still ready to go.
What do you mean?
She's a business woman.
Oh, I see, a prostitute! [Laughter]...Sometimes I'm so ashamed of what I say.
[About a naked picture of Danny]
I'm not happy about it, Danny. When did the music of McFly become about cupping your testicles in front of whooping homosexuals?
[Later]
Haven't you got another picture of me?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
