(as Tom, Crow, and Joel are doing a sketch of trucker characters riding magic carpets and communicating via radio) Hurry up, men, I'm running out of hard candy. Condition red, send in the clowns... oh, what's the use?! (breaks into hysterical sobbing as Crow and Joel enter)
Ah, man, Joel, he's totally off-script! There's nothing that says anything about sobbing like a broken man!
Yeah, you're right; let's see here... Tom says "Time formation, men. These kids are all over me; argh". It just says "Argh", there's nothing about sobbing pitifully.
(while still crying) I can't do it guys, I just can't do it! I can't go through another sketch loosely based off some vague reference in the movie! There are only a few kinds of fezes in this movie, then suddenly we're the Sahara Shriners riding flying carpets on Maxwell street days! Oh, why?!? Get me out of here!!
I don't understand; how is this sketch any different than anything else we do during the movie?
Well, I figure, Crow, it's not the sketch, it's this movie. I mean, look at him; he's just a broken man.
You're telling me! There's absolutely no psychological footholds in this movie! It's like trying to climb El Capitan! There's something wrong with me... there's something wrong with me!! Why? Why?!? (sobs uncontrollably)
Oh, Crow, c'mon... (addresses Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank in disgust) Look at what you've done to him! Do you see what you've done to this guy?! Come on!
(watching the scene unfold in satisfaction alongside Frank) You see Frank, it feels good to be with the winners, doesn't it?
[as Fu Manchu reveals an unconscious man he wants Dr. Kessler to operate on]
KDr. Kessler
What's wrong with that man?
There is nothing wrong with him, doctor, he is in perfect physical condition.
And unlike Professor Heracles, his heart is as sound as a bell.
Do you not agree, doctor, that Professor Heracles should have that splendid heart?
Joel [as Kessler] [flustered] Uh, if it comes with that beefy chest!
KDr. Kessler
But that man is not dead or dying!
... he will die, for the sake of science.
KDr. Kessler
And for your sake also.
I need Heracles to complete my plans. I need him alive, conscious, coherent.
I wish this MOVIE WERE CONSCIOUS AND COHERENT!!!
(gloating over their perceived victory in leaving Joel and the bots broken by the movie) Well, we should be expecting your surrender any moment now.
You haven't won, Dr. Forrester; you've lost. And I feel sorry for you. You're nothing but a sad little man in a hole in the ground who can only feel power by hurting others. Well, we won because, we survived, and we survived because, well, we're Robinsons, roughly. That's what Robinsons do is survive, basically, and well, if you think it's so easy, well, YOU should try and watch a movie sometime!
You're sounding like a Hallmark card.
[Blubbering, thickheaded pseudo-heartthrob Max (Timothy Van Patten) attempts to converse with spunky union organizer Carrie.]
CCarrie
Yeah, I'm here. Oh Max, a long day.
I hear ya. [The camera lingers on Van Patten hopefully, as though awaiting a sharper quip. Nothing comes.]
SAServo [as Carrie]
You're a wry wit.
[Later, in Max's van, Carrie drones on and on while Max listens wearily.]
You know you're boring when you're boring a Van Patten.
CFCarol Flynn
I know something's happened to him.
MSMike Simpson
Sure it did. Maybe he ran out of gas, he'd never meet anybody on this road... hold everything, what do you call that?
SAServo [as Carol]
Oh, that's just a dead fa- a DEAD FATHER??? Oh nooo! [Sobbing]
CACrow [as Carol]
Oh my God!
