Mystery Science Theater 3000 Season 3 quotes

For Martian Furniture, Fritz of Mars!

Now, go to sleep!

Must we go to sleep now, Father? I want to see Santa Claus some more.

I want to see more toys!

No, go to sleep!

Will you buy me a Golden Globe, then?

Why, sure!

Cricket lighter away! Cricket lighter.

Servo

[in nerdy voice] You know… if they cancel Battlestar Galactica, I'm gonna kill myself.

[cheerfully] Have you two ever seen a grown man scream? Santa's going to whimper like a whipped pup.

The doll has a teddy bear's head, and the teddy bear has a doll's head.

Don't worry, we'll give them to dyslexic kids.

Look, Santa! A baseball/tennis raquet!

We'll have to sell this stuff to Wham-O!

Santa Claus, killed in Vietnam.

Ohhh, Frank! What a lovely watchband! This must have set you back a pretty penny!

Well, actually, I, eh… didn't have any money, so I… took the liberty of hocking your Rolex and… to pay for that, heh heh…

You… hocked… my… Rolex.

Yah…

Well, it's the thought that counts. Open your gift.

Oh, boy! I bet it's a book! I bet it's a book!

Yes, it is a book, Frank. It's… it's called Final Exit. I've been stealing your plasma at night so I didn't have to spend any of my own money.

Heh heh. Oh, Henry! [N]

Okay, now if you all look at your sheet music, we can rehearse my new song.

Joel Robinson

You wrote a Christmas song?

Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition!

Tom Servo

Wait a minute, "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"?

Uh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, Road House.

Servo

C'mon, what the heck does Patrick Swayze have to do with Christmas?

Hey, you keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine, okay?

Joel

C'mon, Servo. It seems like a nice enough sentiment. We can give it a shot. C'mon.

All right, all right. Okay: 12/8 time, key of A-flat major... Cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? You're parts are written out. "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" by Crow T. Robot.

Joel

"Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?

Right. Hit it, Cambot!

Servo

Oh. Oh, I start. I get it.

Joel

Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it.

Joel

Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.

Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong at Christmas?

Joel

Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.

Well, then grab hold of your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!

Tom Servo

Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot.

Tom Servo

Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.

Thank you.

How long before it becomes a standard?

Joel

I think you've gotta come with me. C'mon!

Tom Servo

We'll be right back. Save a leg for me! Heh-heh-heh-heh.

You know, Christmas depresses millions, but I must admit, I sky during the holidays, and when I see some slump-shouldered gloomy-gus walking forlornly through the festooned mall area of my home town, I wanna shake him and shout, "Suck it up! What have you got to be sorry for?!" ... but I resist.