Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

Allan, I want you to get help from someone. Someone you can trust.

Like Jake, from Statefarm.

Trust? There's no one I can trust.

Not even Flo from Progressive.

This movie is like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, seen through the migraine-inducing idea of 3D glasses.

Thank you for using Mask. Be sure not to operate heavy machinery after applying mask.

Servo

Do not combine Mask with alcohol or other masks.

Mask is not responsible for any car chases or murders the operator commits.

Side-effects include greasy face and crunchy pants. Ask your doctor about Mask today.

Do you have to take the drug again, Allan? Is it like an addiction that builds until every pore of your body craves for it? Breathes for it? Is that what you feel, Allan?

I can't hear you! I'm a book now!

The need to satisfy the beast that's eating into you?

Servo

[singing] There's a hunger inside you...

And when you put it on again, what will it be like?

Servo

[singing] Won't go away...

Like a shot, a jolt, a charge that cools your burning body?

It's grease lightning!

Will it lift you up and carry you along until you're ready to be plunged down again? Deeper, deeper, each time deeper until you die?!

Shut up, SHUT UP!

You're killing me with this Word Jazz!

Tell me I'm not right.

That Pam ain't right.

[on the phone] Police department, please.

Yes, I'm white.

Your experiment today, Joel, may possibly be one of the worst films we've ever presented. Sorry, not sorry.

Joel

Hey, how bad could it be? I had to riff Manos.

Ardy?

Oh, this movie's upsetting on a profound existential level. I'd advise you to put a disclaimer on it ASAP if you're still intending to use it as part of the experiment.

So on a scale from Mitchell to Monsters-a-Go-Go, where would you say this lands?

Ah, well let me put it this way. We built the whole Kingachrome system around Manos: The Hands of Fate and even that didn't have the effect this movie's having on our facility. This may just be the wolf mother of all bad movies.

You think you're so smart, Robinson. "I had to watch Manos. Da da da da da-" HA! Face the cinematic claustrophobia that is The Bubble. FLUSH THEM THE MOVIEEEEE!

Movie in the hole!

I don't know what to do.

You're taking all this too seriously. After all now, what's childbirth? Just a sexy bellyache.

Joel

Is it?

Oh God, this one's king-sized!

Honey, I'm sorry.

It's too late for that.

What's there to be sorry about? I wanna hatch him out. I'm tired of being his big fat private incubator.

Well, just hold on for a little while longer. We'll be out of this. This guy's a hell of a pilot.

According to Craigslist.

Better be a hell of an obstetrician.

No... just hold it in, please?

Yeah, there's gotta be a rest stop around here, somewhere.

Joel

This opening sequence is a clickbait article just waiting to happen.

By the way, what happened to Mr. Airplane? You know, what's his name? Herric?

Tony Herric. He found himself a saloon, and a girl. I think I'm gonna join him.

What?!

Never seen such mixed up architecture. It almost looks like the backside of a movie lot.

That's it! A movie lot, big deal.

Yeah, of course.

That explains everything.

The people in the costumes, the... the cables coming from underneath the lampposts...

This guy who keeps yelling at me to act better.

But I don't see any- any cameras, Tony.

Friend, all I want is the exit.

One of these warp pipes should get us out of here.

Ah, to hell with it, all I want's my plane.

Servo

All I want's the end credits.

Servo

You know, it just dawned on me. They're really having a tough time.

Yeah, this movie's helping me put my little problems into perspective.

Joel

That's right, my little robot friends, no matter how bad your day is, you can always say "At least I'm not in Arch Oboler's The Bubble."

Servo

But, we are watching Arch Oboler's The Bubble, and that's pretty bad.

Joel

Yeah, I guess I'm sorry I tried to cheer us up. This blows.

Look, isn't it about time?

Servo

Uh-oh...

That you face reality?

Joel

Oh, apt thing to say to a new mom.

Reality? What reality?

You're soaking in it.

That either I'm in some kind of a nightmare from which I can't want up, or if what you say is true, then... then I'm part of a human zoo.

Servo

You make it sound so metal.

I'd rather be in that nightmare.

Joel

This is why you talk about human zoos before you get married.

In a zoo? Were we so free before? Was I, the nine to five routine year after year?

But Mark, to live like an animal under the eye of-

Since when haven't I been under an eye?

As a child.

As a child, hell, first, first there was school, then there was the army, then after the army, the job.

Then came army school.

When hadn't there been some kind of eye watching over me? Stop tearing yourself apart over a world that doesn't even exist anymore.

Servo

The end!

Be grateful for this one. Well what's the matter with this place?

Dull.

The walk? Keeps out meanness and hate.

Joel

And entertainment.

Yeah, even the bomb.

Whoa, that's heavy.

They're walking dead!

Well, we're not they. We don't eat what they eat. Look, we know what we're doing.

We're chill.

We can live out our lives here, Cath, and by ourselves in perfect health and perfect security.

Thanks to ADT.

Well what's wrong with that?

I... I look up there... and I think to myself...

What a bubbleful world!

Servo

This is what I imagine it feels like to work for Amazon.

It finally happened. I'm completely out of things to say! It's like riffing on the same movie over and over and over again! I CAN'T TAKE IT! THE BUBBLE IS REAL!!! AHHHHH! [runs out of the theater]

Wonder what he wanted.

God help us, everyone.

Movie in the ho-ho-hole!