TV show quotes
It'll be interesting to see if a woman can survive this kind of surgery and restore her pineal fluids without dying. Up to date, no man has been able to, but maybe the female gender is actually the most adequate to carry out this experiment for biological reasons.
You're insane, doctor!
You may be right, but as a matter of fact, there's an invisible line separating insanity and genius!
The Kanye line.
[a robot presses a big red "cancel" button]
Meanwhile, at Netflix...
[shot of a computer screen giving various readings]
It's called Twitter. It's gonna be great for the discourse.
[Dr. John Caball dons a silver radiation suit]
Chernobyl for a prom theme. What were they thinking?
Alright, you're gonna wanna cook me at 350 degrees for about 70 minutes, you'll know when I'm done when a fork easily pierces my skin. Load me up with butter and don't skimp on the chives. I'm a potato.
[as Dr. Caball gazes out into space]
Well, we're on our way. Out there is the vastness of space... the unknown...
It's only a model.
Funny, I still think of myself as an Earth child.
Emily, do you still think of yourself as an Earth child?
Oh, I don't know. Ask me after I've been here for seven years.
Uh, no human has ever lived here that long. Just ask the other guys.
Wait, what?
[to Jason Caball] Let me lead the way.
Aw, that's sweet. Would you guys ever escort me into a dangerous unknown situation?
Uh, I'd walk with you so I could better criticize your choices.
I'd let you walk in front of me so you could shield me from the worst of the shrapnel.
And I'd definitely film the whole thing for WorldStarHipHop.
WorldStar!
Hey, what would you call an almost perfect ripoff of the USS Enterprise?
The USS Compromise.
[as Omus tortures Dr. Caball with high pitched sound, causing him to scream and spasm]
You know, I do the same thing when I can't get "Baby Shark" out of my head either.
Good evening, Jonah. Prepare yourselves for a night of thrills, chills, and since I'm making soup, very likely spills.
Max, I told you to get Growler and M. Waverly to clear away those cobwebs! The Gizmoplex looks like the inside of Charles Addams' coffin.
I just thought, because it's Halloween and all-
You thought you'd be lazier than usual? Clean it up!
Fine, but if the Great Pumpkin doesn't show up, I'm blaming you.
Uh, there is no Great Pumpkin. Haven't you ever seen the end of the special?
I never get that far, because it's too scary!
[when the Warner Brothers logo appears]
Warner Brothers? Are we in the right theater?
I've seen masks unearthed from the ruins of crumbling tombs and masks hanging in exotic temples to ward off evil spirits.
And goofy ghosts.
[beckons to a decorated skull shaped mask] But nowhere, in all my travels, have I seen anything to compare to the power of this mask...
The Misfits logo!
... and the horrible curse it bears. This is the mask in which our story revolves, and I can tell you that even though I'm not superstitious, I wouldn't put it on for all the wealth of the Indies.
Or a Klondike bar.
Exactly what is this mask?
[under duress] The mask is to blame. You're just not aware of its power.
It's toxic mask-ulinity.
[dramatic chord as Michael commits suicide offscreen, and a Chinese themed bobblehead shakes its head]
For a bobblehead, you're really judgemental. And racist.
Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye...
[Mrs. Kelly knocks on the door]
Michael? I heard low brass. Did something ominous just happen, Michael? [Mrs. Kelly opens the door] Michael where are- oh! [Mrs. Kelly screams in horror]
[a shot of Michael's body under a cover, his hands in a rigid form]
He died doing what he loved: jazz hands.
[as Dr. Barnes puts the mask on, and enters a hellish demonic trance]
You don't know what we can find, why don't you come with me, Dr. Barnes, on a 3D carpet ride!
Is this what it feels like to chew 5 Gum?
[shot of a skull with its eyes]
Ack ack! Ack ack ack!
[the skull dissolves leaving only the eyes, which zoom forward past the screen repeatedly]
Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my! Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
