Good evening, Jonah. Prepare yourselves for a night of thrills, chills, and since I'm making soup, very likely spills.
Max, I told you to get Growler and M. Waverly to clear away those cobwebs! The Gizmoplex looks like the inside of Charles Addams' coffin.
I just thought, because it's Halloween and all-
You thought you'd be lazier than usual? Clean it up!
Fine, but if the Great Pumpkin doesn't show up, I'm blaming you.
Uh, there is no Great Pumpkin. Haven't you ever seen the end of the special?
I never get that far, because it's too scary!
[when the Warner Brothers logo appears]
Warner Brothers? Are we in the right theater?
JM Jim Moran
I've seen masks unearthed from the ruins of crumbling tombs and masks hanging in exotic temples to ward off evil spirits.
JA Jonah [as Jim Moran]
And goofy ghosts.
JM Jim Moran
[beckons to a decorated skull shaped mask] But nowhere, in all my travels, have I seen anything to compare to the power of this mask...
JM Jim Moran
... and the horrible curse it bears. This is the mask in which our story revolves, and I can tell you that even though I'm not superstitious, I wouldn't put it on for all the wealth of the Indies.
JA Jonah [as Jim Moran]
Or a Klondike bar.
AB Dr. Allan Barnes
Exactly what is this mask?
MR Michael Radin
[under duress] The mask is to blame. You're just not aware of its power.
GA GPC [as Michael]
It's toxic mask-ulinity.
[dramatic chord as Michael commits suicide offscreen, and a Chinese themed bobblehead shakes its head]
For a bobblehead, you're really judgemental. And racist.
CA Crow [as bobblehead]
Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye...
[Mrs. Kelly knocks on the door]
SA Servo [as Mrs. Kelly]
Michael? I heard low brass. Did something ominous just happen, Michael? [Mrs. Kelly opens the door] Michael where are- oh! [Mrs. Kelly screams in horror]
[a shot of Michael's body under a cover, his hands in a rigid form]
He died doing what he loved: jazz hands.
[as Dr. Barnes puts the mask on, and enters a hellish demonic trance]
CS Crow, Servo, and Jonah
You don't know what we can find, why don't you come with me, Dr. Barnes, on a 3D carpet ride!
Is this what it feels like to chew 5 Gum?
[shot of a skull with its eyes]
[the skull dissolves leaving only the eyes, which zoom forward past the screen repeatedly]
Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my! Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my!
Allan, I want you to get help from someone. Someone you can trust.
CA Crow [as Pam]
Like Jake, from Statefarm.
B Dr. Barnes
Trust? There's no one I can trust.
SA Servo [as Dr. Barnes]
Not even Flo from Progressive.
This movie is like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, seen through the migraine-inducing idea of 3D glasses.
[Dr. Barnes takes off the mask]
Thank you for using Mask. Be sure not to operate heavy machinery after applying mask.
Do not combine Mask with alcohol or other masks.
Mask is not responsible for any car chases or murders the operator commits.
Side-effects include greasy face and crunchy pants. Ask your doctor about Mask today.
Do you have to take the drug again, Allan? Is it like an addiction that builds until every pore of your body craves for it? Breathes for it? Is that what you feel, Allan?
[Dr. Barnes covers his ears and leans against a bookshelf]
CA Crow [as Dr. Barnes]
I can't hear you! I'm a book now!
The need to satisfy the beast that's eating into you?
[singing] There's a hunger inside you...
And when you put it on again, what will it be like?
[singing] Won't go away...
Like a shot, a jolt, a charge that cools your burning body?
Will it lift you up and carry you along until you're ready to be plunged down again? Deeper, deeper, each time deeper until you die?!
B Dr. Barnes
Shut up, SHUT UP!
SA Servo [as Dr. Barnes]
You're killing me with this Word Jazz!
JA Jonah [as Hank Hill]
That Pam ain't right.
[on the phone] Police department, please.
SA Servo [as Pam]
Yes, I'm white.
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