Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

Well Max, that was the 200th episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. What an achievement.

If you count the old series, which we had nothing to do with. Technically, this was our third episode.

Okay come on, Disney celebrates fake anniversaries all the time! Donald Duck turns 90, Mickey and Minnie's 25th Anniversary, uh... the 40th Anniversary of pulling Song of the South off the shelves- I don't know! We have got to grab some of these celebration legacy dollars! Bring in the cake!

No no no, hey! [slaps the lighter from his hand] We are not lighting the candles! This is a nitrogen-rich atmosphere! Wh- ... [sighs] Happy 200th, Max.

...Yeah, okay.

Push the 200th button, Max.

New World Pictures presents...

The Illuminati made a movie? Huh.

Servo

Yeah, and they're so open about it.

It's terrific to see you.

Even in that color palette.

The two of you together...

And I'm not forgetting you, Danny from the last movie.

[breathless] In case you haven't noticed... not only... are we out-of-doors... and knee-deep... in snow... but we are... also... going uphill!

Cut! Take 15, do it again!

My snowball predicted all of this.

Servo

Do you think she understands she's trapped under the ice? Oooh, let's watch.

Oh, hi there.

Oh, she's in a heated pool.

Actually the safest place to be in an avalanche.

Servo

Camera guy is drowning, don't mind him.

Uh, we made way too many of these? No one seems to want 'em, they look awful, but they taste okay. We're just giving them away for free now, seriously try one. Anybody? Please?

[as one waiter carries a torched baked Alaska up to a balcony] Screw it. We're just gonna torch them all, and throw them off the balcony. What's the difference? Who's making these things anyway? It's ridiculous.

Thank you for agreeing to take one of these. They really smell. We're sorry.

Oh, yuck! Marshmallows, grilled oysters, cherry tomatoes, and butter??? Oh...

You know what this movie is missing?

Name tags.

[as he and Caroline get into an argument] What's going on here? I only asked you to dance!

You didn't ask me to dance, you told me to dance!

Servo

Crazy on you!

You've got to run the whole show, you panic if you haven't got complete control! It's always the same thing! I've got to the point where I didn't even know what I felt about anything!

I just want to be with you! What's wrong with wanting to be with you, or you wanting to be with me?!

You stifle me! I- I need some space! I need some room! I've gotta make my own decisions! Just leave me alone.

I don't want to leave you alone!

Well, that's a problem I can solve.

Get a second divorce!

Servo

Why do they keep cutting to the planet Neptune?

I don't know, but I wish they'd just stay there.

Servo

Oh, now it's one of those hybrid sci-fi/B-movies like Sharknado or Lavalantula.

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Plane-alanche!

I didn't know snow was so combustible.

Servo

It's not, but styrofoam is.

Now if that doesn't start an avalanche, I'm leaving.

I think we need to get a sense of scale here. This could be a snow fort for all we know.

Servo

This really begs the question: would you suffocate painfully while buried under snow for a Klondike Bar?

Just when you thought this movie couldn't get any whiter.

That wasn't even caused by the avalanche! They're just completely incompetent!

They should change the name of this movie from Avalanche to just General Catastrophe.

Servo

Oh, so now we're seeing collateral deaths from the idea of an avalanche?

What's next? Someone cutting their finger on the newspaper reading about it?

Oh, it's commercial sign!

Wait, there's a chance that Florence could survive that fall.

Unfortunately, there's so much alcohol in her body, she's basically a human explosive.

Yup. There she goes.

Servo

Even the fire smells like gin.