[Hugo sits in his cage while The Great Vorelli answers the door]
HHugo
Attica! Attica!
S8Devil Doll
[to Mike] Have you seen Crow?
Oh yeah, he's getting into that whole dorm fantasy thing.
Oh, drunk, abusive and getting all morose about...
[offscreen] DEBBIE!!
Debbie, right; that's it.
CCrow
[offscreen] Debbie, D-D-D-Debbie, I... urghn! [punches window back into packaging with the shattering of glass heard]
[wincing] Oh, please, say that was a lamp!
Uh, it was probably just a lamp.
CCrow
[crying] Debbie! Debbie, I need ya, baby! I can't handle it. Debbie, I punched the window in for you, baby. You've gotta take me back, Debbie! Debbie!
He punched in my window, Mike! He carefully unpacked it, then he punched it in!
CCrow
I did it for Debbie! Let me drive over there! I don't care!
Listen, Crow, you're not drunk, you don't live in a dorm, and you don't know anybody named Debbie.
CCrow
[sobbing] I don't care! Debbie! Let me go!
[also sobbing] My windoooowww!
[some time later]
There, there, Crow.
CCrow
Debbie...
Say, have you ever considered a fantasy where you're happy and successful?
CCrow
I think I like the Debbie one better.
[Pearl and Observer/Brain Guy attempt to liven up a gathering in Roman times with a toga party, before deciding on another approach...]
Pants party!
EEmperor
[as crowd whoops and cheers] These are remarkable, and vastly superior to our own apparel!
[sighs] Ah; that's better.
[later as the two are guests at a gladiator match]
EEmperor
[greeting the crowd] Citizens, if you haven't already noticed- I'm wearing pants.
[The camera cuts to Hugo in the back seat of a car as it drives along.]
CCrow
[as Hugo] I'm driving with my mind!
Am I a mod or a rocker?
[to the other robots] You know, if it weren't for rock n' roll, ventriloquy would've been huge.
CCrow
[as Vorelli, while the audience claps at the end of a show] Thank you halfway-houses and geriatric wards!
[as Vorelli] Thrill as he doesn't talk and I don't move my lips!
[audience continues applauding] Keep clapping, and he might never get to his act!
[Vorelli leaves the stage with Hugo and his assistant]
CCrow
[as Hugo] That sucked! Even I didn't believe I was talking!
[the camera zooms in on Vorelli's face and the color inverts as it focuses on his eyes]
[of Vorelli] A Scotch egg! No, wait; that's his face.
[to the volunteer] You told me that in China, you once saw a man executed in the streets.
The Manchurian Ventriloquist!
I want you to imagine you are in his place.
CCrow
[sighs] Why so negative?
CCrow
[as Vorelli continues speaking to the volunteer in excessive detail of his situation] Should we really call this the "Wacky Fun Time Revue"?
AAll
[as crowd] Hooray; more!
[Vorelli snaps his fingers to break the volunteer out of his tense stupor]
[as Vorelli] Hey; pay attention!
CCrow
[as crowd claps] Ha ha; we love your cruelty!
[On stage, ventriloquist dummy Hugo performs with The Great Vorelli]
Well, Hugo, what are you going to do to entertain the audience tonight?
HHugo
Anything you say, my dear Vorelli; except that kind of thing.
What do you mean?
HHugo
Simply that you are laughing while I am talking.
And what's wrong with that?
HHugo
Oh, it's an old ventriloquist trick; they're all doing it now, it's corny.
Perhaps we can show the audience a variation of it then.
[as Vorelli] Min-wax, Hugo?
HHugo
[noticing Vorelli drinking a glass of wine] Give me some wine. I want some wine.
A dummy? Drinking wine?
[as Vorelli] Spodie-odie?
Don't be ridiculous!
HHugo
I want some! Give it to me! I know what wine is! I've had wine before. I want some wine! Why shouldn't I have some wine?
[as Hugo] All I want is my fair share! All I want is what's coming to me!
You are a dummy, Hugo.
CCrow
[as the audience claps] The Puppet-Haters' Club will be right back!
[German dancer and former Vorelli assistant Mercedes tells the two reporters about the original Hugo]
This time- Hugo- you are going to die.
CCrow
[as Mercedes] At this point, t'ere were some warning signs...
[as Hugo in Vorelli's body] I'm sweaty because I was choking a puppet. Ah, no no, wait!
[as the film ends] Hugo the Dummy was arraigned in Superior Court, County of Los Angeles; in a moment, the results of that trial.
S8Invasion of the Neptune Men
[Dr. Tibana examines a sample under a microscope]
TTibana
So, then--the Rogi-Pani Complex.
The "Roji-Panty Complex"?
SCServo & Crow [as the Neptune Men]
HA. HA. HA. HA. Your costume is ridiculous.
[The Neptune Men approach Earth]
Shoot at Earth all you want, just get Bill Maher.
[As the Neptune Men demolish Tokyo]
SAServo [as the Japanese]
Oh, let's call our friends the Koreans! Oh, oh no--the Russians! Well, no. The Chinese! Oh, well, I guess not.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.