[The monsters attack an all-girl slumber party]
[They] don't even know what panties are, yet they feel compelled to raid.
Every male of any species has the biological urge to panty-raid.
S8Horror of Party Beach
[A grocer's sign in the background reads "Look Polish"]
Wait-- "Look Polish?"
Huh?
It's--it was right there in the shot is was somethi--see? It says "Look Polish"!
"Look Polish"!
CCrow
Or maybe it's "Look! Polish!"
[Dr. Gavin, daughter Elaine, and others are examining a severed monster arm when they hear a noise]
EElaine
[whispering] I hear something.
SAServo [as Elaine]
[whispering] He's coming! Look Polish, everyone!
What are we looking at and why are we looking at it?
[The time of day has been changing]
Uh, meanwhile later yesterday afternoon, I guess ... .
EEulabelle
It's a human thing, Dr. Gavin!
CACrow [as Eulabelle]
You wouldn't understand!
. . .
GDr. Gavin
Nothing is solved in a few hours. This will require a lot of research.
EEulabelle
And while you're researching, there's something creeping and crawling and lurking around out there.
GDr. Gavin
That's enough!
MAMike [as Dr. Gavin]
You're scaring me!
S8Devil Doll
[Scene: An exterior shot of a boring office building in England]
CCrow
Oh! "Federated Incorporated Industries Limited".
Modern architecture--efficient and beauty-free.
[Later in the same shot]
CCrow
Meanwhile, at Stifle-Joy Co....
[Mark English makes a phone call, slowly dialing a rotary phone]
So, how many hours have rotary phones added to movies over the years?
[The Great Vorelli on stage with a volunteer]
Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm going to suggest to this man that his life is in danger...
SAServo [as the Great Vorelli]
Then I'll be right back.
That he may die at any moment.
[The Great Vorelli turns to the volunteer]
CACrow [as the Great Vorelli]
Your life is in danger and you may die at any moment. THANK YOU!
[On stage, ventriloquist dummy Hugo whines about wine]
HHugo
I want some! Give it to me! I know what wine is! I've had wine before. I want some wine! Why shouldn't I have some wine?
MAMike [as Hugo]
All I want is my fair share! All I want is what's coming to me!
[During Vorelli's act, Hugo gets up and crosses to the refreshment table, where Vorelli is eating ham.]
CACrow [as Hugo]
You think he likes ham? Wait 'til you see me like ham!
[German dancer and former Vorelli assistant Mercedes tells the two reporters about the original Hugo]
MMercedes
He did not move for t'ree months -- just lay there and...looked at the ceiling. Then...he died. He died.
MAMike [as Mark]
Did he live?
[The Great Vorelli holding a knife looking at Hugo in the cage]
Hugo...
MAMike [as the Great Vorelli]
Have you been shaving your legs with this again?
[The Great Vorelli is seducing a woman in direct line of sight of his dummy]
MAMike [as Hugo]
Please cover my cage...
[Mark English (played by William Sylvester) is sleeping]
You know, Kubrick saw this scene and said "We found our Heywood Floyd!"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.