[Scene: An exterior shot of a boring office building in England]
CCrow
Oh! "Federated Incorporated Industries Limited".
Modern architecture--efficient and beauty-free.
[Later in the same shot]
CCrow
Meanwhile, at Stifle-Joy Co....
“Devil Doll” · Season 8
In this episode: Tom Servo (11), Crow T. Robot (9), Mike Nelson (8), The Great Vorelli (5), Hugo (3), Pearl Forrester (1), Observer (1)
[Mark English makes a phone call, slowly dialing a rotary phone]
So, how many hours have rotary phones added to movies over the years?
[The Great Vorelli on stage with a volunteer]
Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm going to suggest to this man that his life is in danger...
SAServo [as the Great Vorelli]
Then I'll be right back.
That he may die at any moment.
[The Great Vorelli turns to the volunteer]
CACrow [as the Great Vorelli]
Your life is in danger and you may die at any moment. THANK YOU!
[On stage, ventriloquist dummy Hugo whines about wine]
HHugo
I want some! Give it to me! I know what wine is! I've had wine before. I want some wine! Why shouldn't I have some wine?
MAMike [as Hugo]
All I want is my fair share! All I want is what's coming to me!
[During Vorelli's act, Hugo gets up and crosses to the refreshment table, where Vorelli is eating ham.]
CACrow [as Hugo]
You think he likes ham? Wait 'til you see me like ham!
[German dancer and former Vorelli assistant Mercedes tells the two reporters about the original Hugo]
MMercedes
He did not move for t'ree months -- just lay there and...looked at the ceiling. Then...he died. He died.
MAMike [as Mark]
Did he live?
[The Great Vorelli holding a knife looking at Hugo in the cage]
Hugo...
MAMike [as the Great Vorelli]
Have you been shaving your legs with this again?
[The Great Vorelli is seducing a woman in direct line of sight of his dummy]
MAMike [as Hugo]
Please cover my cage...
[Mark English (played by William Sylvester) is sleeping]
You know, Kubrick saw this scene and said "We found our Heywood Floyd!"
[Hugo sits in his cage while The Great Vorelli answers the door]
HHugo
Attica! Attica!
[to Mike] Have you seen Crow?
Oh yeah, he's getting into that whole dorm fantasy thing.
Oh, drunk, abusive and getting all morose about...
[offscreen] DEBBIE!!
Debbie, right; that's it.
CCrow
[offscreen] Debbie, D-D-D-Debbie, I... urghn! [punches window back into packaging with the shattering of glass heard]
[wincing] Oh, please, say that was a lamp!
Uh, it was probably just a lamp.
CCrow
[crying] Debbie! Debbie, I need ya, baby! I can't handle it. Debbie, I punched the window in for you, baby. You've gotta take me back, Debbie! Debbie!
He punched in my window, Mike! He carefully unpacked it, then he punched it in!
CCrow
I did it for Debbie! Let me drive over there! I don't care!
Listen, Crow, you're not drunk, you don't live in a dorm, and you don't know anybody named Debbie.
CCrow
[sobbing] I don't care! Debbie! Let me go!
[also sobbing] My windoooowww!
[some time later]
There, there, Crow.
CCrow
Debbie...
Say, have you ever considered a fantasy where you're happy and successful?
CCrow
I think I like the Debbie one better.
[Pearl and Observer/Brain Guy attempt to liven up a gathering in Roman times with a toga party, before deciding on another approach...]
Pants party!
EEmperor
[as crowd whoops and cheers] These are remarkable, and vastly superior to our own apparel!
[sighs] Ah; that's better.
[later as the two are guests at a gladiator match]
EEmperor
[greeting the crowd] Citizens, if you haven't already noticed- I'm wearing pants.
[The camera cuts to Hugo in the back seat of a car as it drives along.]
CCrow
[as Hugo] I'm driving with my mind!
Am I a mod or a rocker?
[to the other robots] You know, if it weren't for rock n' roll, ventriloquy would've been huge.
CCrow
[as Vorelli, while the audience claps at the end of a show] Thank you halfway-houses and geriatric wards!
[as Vorelli] Thrill as he doesn't talk and I don't move my lips!
[audience continues applauding] Keep clapping, and he might never get to his act!
[Vorelli leaves the stage with Hugo and his assistant]
CCrow
[as Hugo] That sucked! Even I didn't believe I was talking!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.