Observer quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000 ... TV Quotes Database

[In the middle of a war, Observer ("Brain Guy") explains his nurse's uniform.]

Observer

My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We only kill out of personal spite.

S8 Riding with Death

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[In the middle of a WWI-style war, or some sort of battle, after Mrs. Forrester is hit.]

FMrs. Forrester

(panting) Oh, great! Just what I need!

BBobo

Medic! Medic!

Observer

[enters wearing nurse's outfit] Here I am!

FMrs. Forrester

Brain Guy? What the hell is...your...deal?

Observer

My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We only kill out of personal spite. We will, however, administer humanitarian aid. (begins attending to Forrester's wound)

FMrs. Forrester

...what's that smell?!

Observer

Oh! Mustard gas!

FMrs. Forrester

Mustard gas! Get the masks!

BBobo

Oh, no, that's just me; I ate a whole jar of Plochman's with my knishes for lunch.

Observer

Good god, ape...

FMrs. Forrester

That's it, we're pulling out!

[Clanking sound is heard]

Observer

Hand grenade!

BBobo

Grenade! I'll save you! [throws Observer to the ground; the grenade goes off right near him]

FMrs. Forrester

Bobo, Brain Guy, quit farting around and get in the van! Okay, Nelson, we need air support an we need it fast!

Observer

[looks up] It's a good thing I don't have a body... [flops back down]

[Back on the SOL, Mike Nelson is pouring baking soda into a bomb casing while Crow and Servo watch]

Mike Nelson

Sure, no problem; I used to make these babies in junior high school, out of vinegar and baking soda...

CCrow

I-is that too much baking soda, Mike, or—

Mike

[ignoring Crow] ...and high school, now that I think of it. And college, too. Got...got expelled for that...

Servo

D-definitely too much baking soda, Mike.

CCrow

Just a little too much.

[Crow makes a small "Whoa..." as Mike pulls out a much larger box of baking soda and filling the bomb casing with it]

Mike

And for that temp job I worked on, too...until that one guy in receiving got me fired...

CCrow

Heh, Mike, Mike, honey...the baking soda—

Mike

[again ignoring Crow]It was just a little prank, but he had to rat out on me, didn't he? Oh, well, I guess some people are just like that...

Servo

So! Bombs away, Mike!

CCrow

Okay, Mike! Bombs away!

Mike

Oh! Right... [Mikes walks away with the bomb as Crow and Servo cheer]

CCrow

Bombs away, Mike!

Servo

Bombs away! [to Crow] Hey, I heard you can make a bazooka out of PVC tubing and a used diaper.

CCrow

Is that so?

[Mike reenters without the bomb]

CCrow

Okay, okay! Hee-hee-hee...

Mike

There you go, Mrs. Forrester, a little distraction...

CCrow

A little distraction!

[Mike and the Bots laugh, and then a huge explosion goes off, knocking the bots off Mike's workstation.]

CCrow

[gets back up] Okay... Few things, Mike. First, uh, well, you blew up another planet, obviously; what's that, three for you now?

Servo

Think so...

CCrow

And, second, uh—ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR STUPID, ROTTED SKULL, YOU DUMB MAN?!

S8 Riding with Death

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[Pearl and Observer/Brain Guy attempt to liven up a gathering in Roman times with a toga party, before deciding on another approach...]

Observer

Pants party!

EEmperor

[as crowd whoops and cheers] These are remarkable, and vastly superior to our own apparel!

PPearl

[sighs] Ah; that's better.

[later as the two are guests at a gladiator match]

EEmperor

[greeting the crowd] Citizens, if you haven't already noticed- I'm wearing pants.

S8 Devil Doll

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[Pearl complains to Brain Guy about the mysterious whispering in the castle.]

Observer

Well, it's not me, Pearl! I'm sensing the presence of several disembodied souls… [increasingly melodramatically] wandering these dark halls in search of surcease, an end to their endless night… a howl of quiet desperation… towards an indifferent universe. Nepenthe! Nepenthe!

PPearl

You are so gay.

Observer

I could be wrong.

S9 The Projected Man

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[Mike drops a ladder into Castle Forrester, where Pearl, Bobo and the Observer are having their breakfast]

Mike

I am entering the actual structure now. It appears to be a barn of some sort, or it... no, it's an eatery. It is an eatery. I will approach one of the patrons and attempt to gather information on my... whereabouts...

PPearl

[Looking at the back of her cereal box] Brain Guy.

Observer

Yeah. [Summons a cannon which points at Mike]

Mike

Ahh! OK, I'll get back up and watch my movie, wh- ah... which is, uh, what again?

PPearl

[Still reading the back of her cereal box] "Werewolf".

Mike

"Werewolf", right. Uh, Brain Guy, you wouldn't want to beam me back up, would you?

Observer

[Still reading the back of his cereal box] No.