Jonah quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[as a female spy takes off her sunglasses and looks into the camera] Hello viewer, there were five mistakes in that scene. Can you name them all?

It's comforting to see Munchie in a body bag.

Gamera is like the original fidget spinner.

This is the most stressful game of Operation ever played.

Warner Brothers? Are we in the right theater?

This movie is like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, seen through the migraine-inducing idea of 3D glasses.

Come on, let's give these kids something to talk to their therapist about.

Bones?

Jim!

Fossil bones.

Fossil Jim!

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and it's this movie!

Okay, out.

What? But that's Shakespeare!

Out!

Oh, c'mon...

Servo

Door is ajar.

The temperature is negative five degrees!

He's well-groomed for a man who lives alone.

Servo

The time is 5:06 a.m.

The temperature is ten degrees!

Servo

Door is ajar.

He's well-groomed for a man who lives alone.

Servo

The time is 8:06 a.m.

The temperature is twenty degrees!!!

Well, if you insist.

WILDERNESS!

Your father is in great danger, Paul!

Sweetums, is that you???

He needs your help!

And like ten bucks for gas money so he can get back to Albany!

Hurry, Paul!

I've shouted at three different boy schools! Is this the right Paul?!

Ha ha, dad! Chase me! I'm precocious and filled with wonder! We are but stardust!

You can't spell "dad" without ADD.

Paul!

Aww, I'm gonna have to wing him to stop him. Won't be the first time. BANG!

Servo

Wait a minute, did they just run across that lake?

PAAAUUUL!

BANG!

But I'm still so curious!

BANG!

I went from Guardians of the Galaxy to this?!

How do you think I feel? I was Ranger Rick!

You know, maybe the problem isn't raccoon in your kitchen so much as your habit for leaving all of your food on the countertop...OPEN.

Servo

Hey, looks like the table's free if you're looking for some yet unsoiled counterspace.

Don't laugh. You people are pigs.

You want to put me out of business, Will? Why don't you take out your gun and shoot me? That'll close the hotel.

All I'm trying to do is prevent a disaster.

My disaster. Sheriff, if some crazy animal's out there, get 'em!

Yes sir, Mr. Wagoner.

How high, sir?

What are you doing still standing here? Go get him, boys!

You don't understand, Mr. Wagoner.

Make me understand.

It's not a crazy beast. It's just some... animal we don't have any experience with.

Servo

Ow! Geez!

If you close one road- if you open your mouth in front of one hotel guest, I'll have all of your jobs! [to Morgan] You're supposed to be a big game hunter? Go hunt! [to Jim] You call yourself an Indian? You can't even trap a wild animal. Some Indian! [a scantily dressed woman holding a martini suddenly appears]

Have you met my girlfriend? She appears when I make racist comments.