Jonah quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Servo

Remind me again, how much Keeffe is in this movie?

Oh hush.

You will feel that you've stepped into eternity.

I stepped in something.

It's a boy!

Yay!

[being wheeled away by a group of women] Mr. West!

Hey, wait a minute!

But we have to surgery.

Feet in the stirrups, come on buddy.

Look ladies. My blue cross is all paid up.

Sorry, but this is out of network.

And then there were nun! [the nun slowly looks into the camera with an evil smile] Ha. Get it?

Servo

[dressed as Sir Anthony] Well old chaps, let's go over this bally mission one last time, what what?

Huh?

[dressed as Medika] It's simple. HMG and the CIA need you to get the VIP from the USA in his BMW to the HMV near the BBC with his DB at an ETA of 9:00 AM GMT.

Huh?

Greenwich Mean Time!

Servo

Jolly good, and I've arranged for the VP of HMV to arrive in a GMC supplied by MI5 ASAP with a 4k HDTV tuned to HGTV with a soundtrack by the Bee Gees.

Huh?!

Pay attention! This all has to go like clockwork!

Servo

Yes yes, the CW. So anyway, FYI...

Oh, I know that one! For your information.

Don't be ridiculous! That's Federal Yellowdress Informant. She'll meet the BMW at the UN with the USMC, BTO, CCR, and UB40 while you ROTFL on AOL, then BRB so we can TTYL.

Talk to you later.

Correct!

Ah! Then why'd you- oh you...

Servo

Precisely. Oklahoma University. So you see, the MC5 will approach the NSA VIP with their new CD on the QT, in the MI5 BMW at the VW and OMG, IRL, IMO, BTW, LOL, BRB. ABC NBC CBS AMC TNT CMA GMO ASPCA UCLA YMCA ICUP, OK?

Yeah, what do you say to that?

Uh, OWGMS.

Huh?

Erno, are his clothes packed?

Yes, my lady.

Oh dear, I hope you were careful with that blue suit. It creases so.

Burn the suit.

And take care of his bill.

Yes, I wouldn't like to have an unpaid hotel bill on my conscience.

Keep joking, Mr. West.

Please don't.

You will be finished with jokes before the night is out.

Us too.

I was beginning to run out of material anyway.

Agreed.

I don't get it. Why aren't I making out right now? I'm Frankie Avalon! Is the universe playing a joke on me?

Sham-wow!

Well, what'd you have in mind?

Well, to prove to you I have no concealed weapons... [reveals herself to Tommy Carter, who smiles]

It's about damn time. I'm Frankie Avalon!

Bang!

How strange. This mirror reflects everything.

Yes, it's a mirror.

Except you!

Bastard! [shatters the mirror]

Servo

Now you'll have seven years of bad suck- uh luck.

You fool, I've been me the whole time!

Mein Gott! [proceeds to cross his heart]

Servo

Spectacles, testicles... testicles... testicles...

Hey, you got your Spirit Halloween store in my Ed Wood movie.

Servo

No, you got your Ed Wood movie in my Spirit Halloween store.

Papa, is that you???

Oh no, hey now Crow, easy. It's not.

Papa, you wanna have a catch?

Hey, it's not your dad, okay?

Jonah, you're not my REAL dad!

I hope he gets his balls shot off.

So say we all.

So who are we rooting for?

Oh, whoever makes the kill shot that ends the movie.

I guess we hosts have to stick together.

Actually, historically we hosts have never stuck together. Kind of a host-eat-host world.

Oh really? 'Cause maybe working together you'd have been able to escape. I mean, how'd you do 20 of these experiments and never try outsmarting the Mads? I mean, I hate to use strong language but... they seem kind of dumb.

Yes, yes yes yes yes, good point! Perhaps with the proper cooperation, this forced vacation can be brought to a cessation!

Huh? Why are you talking in rhymes all of a sudden?

I will tell you later why I speak in rhyme, but unfortunately now, you've got-

MOVIE SIGN!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Fracties! The night where fractions come out to shine.

It's my honor to read the name of the student whom you have chosen as your next student body president. [is given an envelope] Envelope please, thank you. [gives it to the woman next to him]

I can't read.

And the winner is...

La La Land! Oh, not again...

Gage Dobson!

This is Gage Dobson's first win after being nominated for such daydreams as What If I Were a Robot With a Sword For an Arm? and Naked Book Report II.

Okay, and cue the bucket of pigs blood.

I'mma let you finish...