Scenes with Tom Servo 1,241
[Jody chats with a gas station attendant, a small-town oddball cliché on two feet.]
AAttendant
That'll be six dollars, even.
CACrow [as Attendant]
Oh, and an extra dollar for the aliens in my head.
. . .
AAttendant
See, the way I got it figured, this job was done by one of them fromokaidal maniacs, and we ain't got none of them around here.
. . .
Yeah, well, nobody needs a fromokaidal maniac hanging around.
[Jody drives off.]
SAServo [as Attendant]
Is that right? I should check my dictionotomy.
[Lengthy pause]
CACrow [as Jody]
You can take your time, it's a tough question.
Oh, does your father mind if people skip rocks across his pond?
SAServo [as Melissa]
As long as you don't hit his favorite frog.
[Another pause]
I don't think he's mentioned it before. That your car?
SAServo [as Melissa]
Mind if I skip rocks across it?
[Jody catches up to Melissa, who stares out over the creek.]
This is where the fish lives.
[Mike and the Bots snicker loudly]
SAServo [as Melissa]
'Cuz this is where the fish lives.
I felt like it. I really wanted to fly, but I couldn't do that, so I ran.
[A pause.]
MAMike [as Jody]
You're kind of an idiot, aren't you?
[Jody and Melissa draw together in a serious kiss.]
CACrow [as Jody]
This is where my tongue lives.
[In Jody's 19th-century dream, a mob of townspeople gathers with torches and pitchforks, chanting "Burn the witch!"]
MAMike [as townsfolk]
Oh, and "go Packers" too, but mostly burn the witch.
. . .
[Father Strickland is reading from the Bible (Job) to his family.]
SStrickland
"The wicked man travaileth with pain all his days..."
SAServo [as Strickland]
...said Madeleine.
SStrickland
"...and the number of years is hidden to the oppressor..."
CACrow [as Strickland]
Tsch. Bunch of crap.
SStrickland
"A dreadful sound is in his ears."
MAMike [as Strickland]
It's Paula Cole, I think.
SStrickland
"In prosperity, the destroyer shall come upon him."
[Strickland sees Lucinda fidgeting.]
SStrickland
What is it, child?
YLYoung Lucinda
I thought I heard something.
SStrickland
Pay attention to the word of God.
SAServo [as Strickland]
For He loves you, and He may KILL you if you don't.
CACrow [as Strickland]
"...team!"
SStrickland
"...the light of the wicked shall be put out..."
MAMike [as Strickland]
"...by ten-thirty…"
SStrickland
"...and the spark of his fire shall not shine."
SAServo [as Daughter]
Just take the old-fashioned photo, Dad!
. . .
[The mob of townspeople approaches the house, still chanting "Burn the witch!"]
SMrs. Strickland
What is it, David?
It's people saying "Burn the witch". Are you deaf?
[irritated] People saying "Burn the witch"! Do you have any deductive powers at all?
[Sam and Joe call McCartin's bluff about permits. He sits down, thoughtfully.]
MMcCartin
After you load with water… you leave. Tonight!
SAServo [as Joe/Cheerleader]
The tighter the sweater! / The boys depend on us!
CACrow [as Sam/Cheerleader]
Yay!
[Gorgo's mother Ogra begins rampaging through London.]
ServoMaybe Mary Poppins flies in and kicks his ass?
[The Bots reminisce about the Dorkin's Circus scenes during the endless military vs. Gorgo battles.]
Servo
I wish they'd get back to Dorkin.
Yeah! There was a lot of Dorkin at the beginning of the movie. They should show that some more.
Servo
Sure! I mean, who wouldn't rather watch Dorkin than this stock footage?
Yeah. I-- I'd just really, really like to watch people dorkin'.
Servo
D'oh!
Hey! Tha-- that doesn't even work!
[lewdly] Oh, it works, Mike. Heh heh heh.
That's enough, you two. Enough Dorkin! I--
[Mike throws his hands up in exasperation.]
You know what I mean. Stop it.
[Sean watches Gorgo and his mother leave the blazing ruins of London and head back to the ocean]
SSean
She's going back now--back to the sea.
SAServo [as Sean]
...With the blood of many on her scales.
[The film starts with a message about the filming locations of London and Dublin.]
"London, England"... Yeah, which was paid for by exorbitant taxes on Rod Stewart and Pete Townshend.
Servo
(after the message fades) Wait, I just got three words into it!
Put a guard on that thing, 24/7. And give him a rifle.
Tom
Don’t give the monster a rifle!
[A card after the prologue and credits reads "Seven Years Later".]
Servo
Seven years after the credits?
[A figure leisurely lopes through a graveyard.]
CACrow [as figure]
Well, I better get back to my grave; sun's been up an hour, I'm startin' to disintegrate.
. . .
Heh... you know, people are just dying to--
Tom
[sharply] No.
. . .
[Troy visits his father's grave.]
[voiceover] Hello, Dad. It's been a long time. And I miss you. I want to know what happened to you.
MAMike [as Troy's Father]
I died.
[Troy enters his attic.]
Oh, this is where they get all the stuff to put in T.G.I. Fridays.
. . .
[Troy opens a trunk.]
CACrow [as Troy]
This is where I've secreted away all my red sweaters.
Servo
Oh, boy. He's going to find out his dad is a rodeo clown.
MAMike [as Troy]
I don't care if I'm too old. I'm getting my Batman pajamas back out of here.
. . .
SAServo [as Troy]
Well, if I'm going to be a ventriloquist dummy, I'd better learn how to live in this trunk.
[Troy reaches in and pulls out a folder.]
CACrow [as Troy]
Now I'm going to settle in with the Book of Mormon.
[He opens the folder and pulls out a picture of his dad.]
[Troy continues to look inside and finds a bunch of old papers.]
SAServo [as Troy]
Ew, shouldn't have filed that sandwich.
CACrow [as Troy]
I've got to find the warranty on this sweater.
[One of Satoris' henchmen cuts through Troy's front door with a chainsaw.]
Servo
It's open!
. . .
CACrow [as henchman]
Can I interest you in a replacement door?
I'm Rowsdower. Zap Rowsdower.
Yeah, well I'm Bill Shtinkwater!
[Rowsdower's truck starts up.]
Servo
And together they fought crime throughout Southwestern Alberta!
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
