[as they drive into the mountains] Why couldn't we stay in the city?
Because a man there wants you dead.
And that man packs a lot of muscle in the Bay Area.
Captain Leland StottlemeyerThat's why they have a witness protection program.
[Grooms stops the car at a gas station. Stottlemeyer gets out]
Captain, please stay in the vehicle until we get to the cabin.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
What are you afraid of, Grooms? A sharpshooting raccoon with a high-powered rifle?
Okay, Captain, this is not a joke. Tommy Winn has already had two other federal witnesses killed.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
I know he has. That's why I'm here. [Natalie gets out behind him]
Miss Teeger, stay in the vehicle.
All right, you can stretch your legs. Just don't call any attention to yourselves.
Good advice coming from a guy wearing a three-piece suit in the middle of the woods.
[Monk gets out]
You're safe. That's where you are.
How long do we have to stay here?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Until the deposition hearing on Monday.
Six days. [Grooms goes to the gas pump and removes the hose]
You're doing God's work. We've finally got Tommy Winn behind bars and thanks to you, he's gonna stay there.
[Monk, Natalie and Stottlemeyer are observing Kathy Willowby through binoculars. She is carrying some bags of ice into the cabin]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
She's carrying two packages. Looks like ice.
Exactly! She's been buying ice all day. That makes 16 bags she's brought in so far.
Maybe she's having a party.
No food! No beer, no chips, just ice!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Maybe she's having an Adrian Monk party.
The only other thing that she bought today is a new radio. Plus, I am positive I heard a man screaming at 1:15 last night!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
That was me. You tied my foot to the bed.
I mean before that, and it was definitely coming from that cabin. [shushes them; faint country music can be heard from across the lake] You hear that? She said her husband didn't let her play country music in the house.
Where did he go? There's his boat! They only have the one car.
No, I have been watching the house all day. Captain, I have not seen him.
[Stottlemeyer gets an idea. He goes inside while Monk and Natalie continue to observe Kathy. Monk hands the binoculars over to Natalie. Kathy takes another bag of ice into the cabin. Inside, the cabin phone rings. Stottlemeyer comes back out of the FBI cabin carrying the phone]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
It's ringing.
But Agent Grooms said "no calls."
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Agent Grooms can kiss- [Kathy picks up the phone]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Oh, hello. Mrs. Willowby.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Uh, is Martin there? My name's Darrell Hendershot. I'm a friend of Martin's. We went to high school together. Uh, we're having a big high school reunion.
Oh, I'm so sorry! He is on the lake fishing.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Oh, well, okay. I'll call back later!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Thank you very much. [hangs up] She says that he's on the lake fishing.
Captain, she killed him. [Natalie sets down the binoculars in disgust]
You have got to be kidding. Can I take you anywhere?!
[Disher has shown up at Kathy Willowby's cabin, having been lured here by Chinese hitmen]
Lieutenant, this was handmade. See the edge? It was cut with scissors.
Captain Stottlemeyer
Randy, did you just drive up here?
Yeah, so? [Stottlemeyer looks outside and sees that he is in the center of a sniper's rifle scope]
Captain Stottlemeyer
Get down!
[The hit men open fire, and Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer, Disher, Deputy Coby and Kathy Willowby take cover]
DPDeputy Paul Coby
Where are they?
Captain Stottlemeyer:' There's at least two! One behind the canoes!
DPDeputy Paul Coby
Who the hell are they?
Captain Stottlemeyer
Hit men from San Francisco!
THEY'RE HERE TO KILL MONK!
[As the two hit men continue to fire on the cabin, Monk puts Kathy's radio on the table, and notices scorch marks with the shape of an electric cord that run from the electric outlet to the bathtub, while Randy examines his fortunes]
MDMonk and Disher
[simultaneously] Oh my God, I've got it! Here's what happened! [Monk and Disher start giving their summations simultaneously (Monk about how Kathy Willowby killed her husband Martin and made it look like an accident, and Randy about his girlfriend's relationship), with the camera jumping back and forth between each summation. Randy is shown in a bar when Hayley "accidentally" spills her drink on his lap]
We met by accident! I can see it now. God I'm such an idiot! [switches to Kathy electrocuting Martin in the bathtub]
...She dropped the radio into the tub while he was bathing. She needed it to look like an act of God to collect the extra insurance, but... [switches to Randy's fortunes being prepared separately in the kitchen]
...Maybe I believed them because I wanted to believe them. All of those fortunes were printed in advance just for me! [switches to Kathy pouring ice over Martin's body]
She had to preserve the body until the storm came!
That's why she bought all those bags of ice.
[flashbacks end]
DCDeputy Coby
My head is spinning. Which one are you listening to?
Captain Stottlemeyer
Neither one. [A bullet shatters one of the vases behind them]
All they had to do was send me a fake IRS check!
[at the same time] She froze the body so that the coroner would never be able to determine the right time of death! [A flashback showing a Chinese driver in the garbage truck that nearly ran Randy down is played]
The first fortune predicted that I would be save by a dirty death, which is exactly what happened when I left the restaurant. [switches to Kathy putting Martin's body in the boat and creating fake scorch marks]
Last night during the storm, she put her husband in the boat, then cut it loose, waited a few hours, and then reported it as an accident.
Now I have to go back and arrest my girlfriend for conspiracy and attempted murder. She probably broke up with me.
[Outside, Agent Grooms crawls behind one of the canoes and pops up, taking the hit man in front of him by surprise]
FBI! Freeze! [He shoots and kills the first thug. The other thug comes over, preparing to shoot Grooms (who is checking the first goon), but Stottlemeyer is ready to take out the second goon]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Grooms! [He shoots and kills the second goon] A little vacation, huh? [Grooms scorches daggers at Stottlemeyer. Inside the cabin, a shaken Kathy stands up]
DPDeputy Paul Coby
Not for you. I'm gonna order a full autopsy on Martin's body; they'll know if it was lightning or electrocution. [He leads her house of the house while Monk, Natalie and Randy get up]
[to Monk and Natalie] So what the hell happened here?
She electrocuted her husband!
Well, looks like we've all had a pretty full day: you guys solved a homicide, and I led those two hit men into our trap.
(After hearing a car)
[Stottlemeyer has been rudely awaken by knocking at the door. Waking up from a hangover, he accidentally shatters a plate]
Stottlemeyer
Where's my pants? Hey Randy, where's my pants?
You threw them out the window.
Stottlemeyer
Why'd I do that?
One of the girls bet you a dollar you wouldn't.
Stottlemeyer
[takes a dollar out of the waistband of his boxer shorts] Looks like she paid off. [more pounding at the door] Coming. COMING! Quit with the pounding! [looks through the peephole in the door, then turns to say] Which one of you idiots invited Monk?!
[Monk watches as Stottlemeyer sings karaoke to get information from someone]
Capt. Stottlemeyer
[Singing "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers] Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, it's not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, she's always gone too long..."
[Natalie comes in and sees Stottlemeyer at the mic]
Capt. Stottlemeyer
[Singing] ... anytime she goes away. Wonder this time where she's gone, wonder if she's gone to stay...
WWanda
Do the dance, you did a little dance.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
[Singing] Ain't no sunshine, when she's gone. So, gone too long, anytime she goes away...
WWanda
Turn around, I wanna see your tush.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
[Singing] I know... (7x)
WWanda
Those are different pants. Where're the jeans? [Stottlemeyer stops singing]
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Look, lady, a deal is a deal. I sang the song, now tell me what I said last night.
WWanda
All you said was, "They don't match."
Capt. Stottlemeyer
"They don't match"? What doesn't match?
WWanda
I don't know, you didn't say.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Wait, wait, wait. Is that it? Is that all you got?
WWanda
Leland, sing it again. I just love the way you sing.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
[Sighs] Thank you.
[He goes over to Monk and Natalie]
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Shut up.
[while Stottlemeyer and Monk question Harold Krenshaw, Stottlemeyer takes a bite of a coconut donut]
Now you have to eat a sugar one.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Don't want a sugar one.
Then you could take three more coconuts and two chocolate.
Or two coconuts and two glazed.
Or he could just eat all of them. That would be easier.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Or, I can do this. [He grabs the box, mashes it, then folds it in half, and pokes a hole in the middle] There. Now there's one donut. One big damn donut.
[Monk walks into Stottlemeyer's office]
Capt. Stottlemeyer
[Not looking up from his desk] Don't you ever get tired of being right?
I do feel tired. More fatigued, really. I don't know if it's from being right or-
Capt. Stottlemeyer
It was a rhetorical question, Monk. We might be on to something here. [Hands Monk a file] Jack Whitman. He's been sent up twice, first time for mail fraud and receiving stolen property. Lately, he's been importing rugs.
[Monk looks up from the file]
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Yeah, rugs, from places like Chechnya, Uzbekistan. Sound familiar?
[Realizing] The shell casing and the grenade.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
The Feds think that he's a major arms dealer. They raided his office six months ago. They came up empty-handed: no guns, no nothing, no paper trail. All they could get him on was tax evasion. He did five months. He just got out last Wednesday.
And two days later, he's on a roof taking shots at Natalie.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Then he joins her campaign, and then he tries to take you out?
What do you think he's after?
Capt. Stottlemeyer
[Stands up] I'm not gonna find out. Let's go get him.
I can't go. You're on your own. Natalie's waiting for me downstairs. I have to go vote.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Well, that's good. You're doing your civic duty.
There's that. Also, if I don't vote, Natalie will - you know.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
I know.
[Monk, Natalie, and Randy have just escaped a grenade blast]
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Disher told me that you put the grenade in the refrigerator.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
And then he said, you went back and opened it again. You just had to straighten something out, didn't you? [Monk shrugs] I'm going ask the mayor to give you a medal for what you did, and then I'm going to ask the mayor to take that medal back, because you just had to open that door.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
It's a wash.
Captain, that grenade... had Russian markings on it.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Yeah I know, we found a piece of it. It was made in Chechnya. This guy must be very well connected. Whoever he is, you must be making him nervous.
[Stottlemeyer and Disher fill Monk and Natalie in on the finger]
We just got your call. You found a body?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Not quite. There is a two year old boy named Tommy Graser-
Uh, not two years. 22 months. Not quite two.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Whatever. Anyway, he was, um, separated from his mother-
No, uh, his guardian. She's not actually his mother. She, uh, runs a foster home. For the record.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
For the record, stand over there. [Randy walks a short distance away] Anyway, he was in the playground, and he disappeared for about ten minutes-
Uh 14 minutes. [Under Stottlemeyer's watchful glare, Randy takes a few steps back]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
When we found him, the little boy had a severed human finger.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
A pinkie. It was still bleeding, freshly severed, uh, probably about four hours ago.
Yeah about four hours ago.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
I just said that, Randy!
Monk · 667 quotes
