[Stottlemeyer and Disher find Monk and Sharona at the FBI's post]
Captain Leland StottlemeyerHey! I showed them my ID downstairs. I just got to talk to my friend! What, you reaching for your gun? If you're reaching for your gun, you'd better pull it. Stand aside. [to Monk] Monk. [to Colmes] Colmes! Whaddaya think you're doing?!
This is a federal operation, Captain. You have no business being here.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Well, neither does he! What's going on?
They want Adrian to go undercover in the Lucarelli family. [Randy looks at a surveillance photo of Sharona speaking with Fat Tony outside Salvatore's restaurant]
What's up with this picture of you and Fat Tony?
Nothing! And don't call him that!
What? Are you defending him?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Why don't you start by telling them, what happened to the last agent that tried to infiltrate the family? Oh, start by telling them where we found the body buried!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Buried?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Actually the parts that they found.
Okay, that's a different situation. That agent's cover was blown. Monk's been invited in. They already know that he's a cop.
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Are you going to pop all of these?
[Stottlemeyer picks up another side and starts popping it.]
You've gotta depress it with your thumb--
Capt Stottlemeyer
Monk, I know how to pop bubble wrap!
[He calls two more officers over]
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Start popping these.
[They keep popping for a few seconds.]
OOfficer
Is there any reason why we're doing this?
Capt. Stottlemeyer
Nope. Just keep popping.
Thanks. I really appreciate it.
[Monk and Sharona are speeding through the streets to stop Lester Highsmith]
A Stop sign is not a suggestion!!
[cuts to Lester and his accomplice loading money boxes into the back of their van. After finishing loading the money, Lester pulls out his sidearm Glock and draws it on the hostage guard]
LHLester Highsmith
Sorry, Kelly, nothing personal. [Monk and Sharona come speeding into the industrial park. Lester and his partner look up as the car screeches to a stop]
LHLester Highsmith
You? [starts to lower his gun, but stops] Is that a water pistol? [The barrel is dripping]
No. [pause] Maybe. [Lester starts to raise his gun again. Police cars begin to approach just behind Monk] It's... scalding! It's scalding hot water! Just drop it! [As an unmarked unit screeches to a stop, Stottlemeyer hangs out the door]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Lester, drop it!
[Monk, Stottlemeyer and Disher are trying to figure out why the intruders in Natalie's house wanted her marble fish]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Well, does anybody have any ideas?
Maybe it swallowed something. Like a diamond!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Does anybody besides Randy have any ideas?
[Peck has set one of the exhibits on fire as a distraction; Stottlemeyer rushes up]
KKid
Here, use this! It's a fire extinguisher. [He hands Stottlemeyer his homemade fire extinguisher]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Thanks. [He sprays it on the fire, which causes the flames to grow and intensify] Hey! What's in this thing?!
KKid
Turpentine. [Stottlemeyer resorts to using his coat to smother the blaze]
[In John Ricca's apartment]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
[to an officer] Get a list of tenants. Start knocking on doors. [Randy comes in, awestruck] Lieutenant, I thought you had the perimeter. [Randy starts pointing at various Sonny Chow movie posters in the living room]
Fist of the Cobra, 1975. I've got that same poster in my room. [points at another poster behind the TV] Oh look at this! It's from Ten Fingers of Doom. He broke his arm doing that stunt, but he still finished the scene, though. [squats in front of the TV and finds a VHS tape] Oh my God!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
What?
He's got a bootleg copy of Enter the Cobra. Can I have it?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
No you can't have it, Detective! This is a crime scene!
Let's watch it. [starts to put it into the VCR, but stops and reconsiders it] Okay. Sir, I have a theory on this: this guy John Ricca. He's published a book on Sonny Chow, right?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Right.
Well it was a real hatchet-job, I mean it made the Cobra look terrible.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
The Cobra?
Sonny Chow. Maybe we should be looking for a Sonny Chow fan. I mean they all hated the book, and most of them? Pretty nuts. I mean, I've seen the conventions all the time and they were real fanatics. [Monk and Natalie come in and step over the body to join Stottlemeyer and Disher]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Monk, thank you for coming. [adknowledges Natalie] Miss Teeger. I assume they filled you in downstairs.
More or less. How did he enter the building?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
He broke in through a door on the roof around 4:00 AM, but get this: when he left after the murder, he took the elevator down and ran out.
He didn't mind being seen?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
No.
Was he really killed with nunchucks?
Yeah, check this out. [walks in with an evidence bag containing the death nunchucks] Gold-plated. Look at those insignias. Sonny purchased ones like these in Ninja Fury.
The killer left these behind?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Well, they either belonged to the killer or to the victim. I mean, he was writing a book on all this crap. [An officer hands a VHS tape to Stottlemeyer]
PPolice Officer
Captain, here's the videotape you wanted.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Ah, thank you. [plugs it into the VCR] Elevator B, at... 4:07. Let's have a look. [He presses play. A grainy image of the ninja getting on the elevator is seen]
You can't even see his face!
He looks like the Cobra. Sonny wore a uniform just like that in Kung-Fu Assassin.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Sonny Chow is dead. [walks back into the other room, where the medical examiner is standing over Ricca's body] Doctor, give me a good note.
MEMedical Examiner
He was clutching some hair. He must have grabbed it off the killer's head. That means we have a shot at some DNA.
How could he grab any hair? We just saw the tape. The intruder was wearing a hood.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Well it could have fallen off during the fight.
MEMedical Examiner
Because we hit her. The victim wrote you a note. [Under Ricca's right hand is the word "OW," written in blood. Monk, Stottlemeyer and Disher all squat to examine it]
"OW"? Why would anybody write "OW"? Usually, that's something you'd say. [Monk moves Ricca's arm aside, revealing the whole word: "CHOW"] Oh my God. Chow's alive. Sir, the rumors are true: he's been hiding out overseas just waiting for a time to make a comeback.
[Stottlemeyer makes a late night visit to Monk's apartment. Monk, carrying a container of lightbulbs, answers]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Hey. Got a minute?
Sure. [Stottlemeyer comes in and Monk closes the door]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
What are you doing?
Oh, nothing. I was just... polishing the lightbulbs. What's going on? [He takes his box of lightbulbs back to the kitchen]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Uhh, you remember that convention I went to in Atlanta about three years ago?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Well, something happened there that I didn't tell you about: I landed, I hailed a cab, and, I recognized the cab driver. It was Harold Burnshaw.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Burnshaw. He used to be a Fed, he was a real player. He used to head the FBI's field office in Atlanta until the 1996 Olympic Games.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Exactly. They accused the wrong guy. Burnshaw booted it big-time on network television, instant career-killer. Now he's driving a cab. Monk, you should have seen his face. I'll never forget it.
What does this have to do with-
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Twenty years ago, Sonny Chow froze some of his own blood in the event that he needed surgery. So they've got bulletproof DNA for a comparison, and that's a prelim on the hair we found at the crime scene.
[reads from the file] It's a match.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
It's Sonny Chow's hair. No question about it. He's been dead for six years, and he's my primary suspect.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Now if I go public with this, and I'm wrong, I'm gonna wind up at the airport, picking up cops who still have jobs! Can you help me with this? I mean, I've gotta know, I've gotta be certain. Is this guy alive or dead?
[Sonny Chow's coffin is being exhumed]
Lieutenant, you realize that if Sonny Chow is alive, he's killed at least two people.
You'd have to arrest him.
He might even try to kill you.
You think so? Wow, that would be so cool! Sonny Chow!
[Cuts to the gravediggers lifting the coffin out of the ground]
Captain. How are you feeling?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
I'm a nervous wreck. How'd things go with the Zen master?
Well he said Sonny Chow died in his arms. I believe him.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Good. Well at least the press hasn't gotten wind of this, 'cause once they do, it's gonna be like Christmas morning for those vultures.
[examining the monument] Look at that thing!
Yeah. His fan club in the Phillippines paid for that!
[to the gravediggers] Be--be careful with that! You wanna be careful with that! [One gravedigger, Chris Downey, turns to Monk]
I said you might wanna be careful with that.
Come on, I've been doing this job since I was eighteen years old! I think I know what I'm doing. I don't come down to your station house and, tell you how to beat a confession out of some kid. [Stottlemeyer eyes and appears to recognize Downey]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Do I know you?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
You're Chris Downey. [incredulously] They let you out?
I did my time. Now I'm doing my job, at least I'm trying to. [swallows some pills from a bottle]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
[to Monk and Natalie] I busted this low-life for assault and armed robbery.
Got me on the assault. There was no robbery.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Right. We never recovered the jewels you stole-
Allegedly stole, allegedly. I love that word.
[Monk and Natalie are waiting for Sonny Chow's coffin to be opened; Monk is examining pickle jars containing preserved organs]
Mr. Monk, this was not in my job description. Let's get out of here.
Oh I'm okay. What a beautiful pancreas. [Stottlemeyer, Disher, and a doctor come in]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
OK, here we go. [They open the lid of the coffin]
[covers her eyes] Oh, my God...
DDoctor
We're so sorry to disturb you.
[They take a part of the corpse, and examine it under a microscope]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Well, you're the expert. Is it him or not?
It's hard to say. I mean, Sonny had a lot more hair... and skin.
DDoctor
We'll know soon enough. It'll take two minutes to compare these with his old dental records.
[Three police cars intercept Chris Downey's pickup truck as he drives out of the cemetery]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Turn off the motor! Throw your keys out the window! [Downey complies]
[advancing on Downey, his gun drawn] Show me your hands, Downey! Show me your hands! Get out of the car! Get out of the car! [Downey slowly opens his door just as Natalie runs up. Stottlemeyer gets her out of the crossfire]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Natalie, stay back! Stay back! [He forces Downey onto the hood of his truck] Where's Monk?! What did you do with him?
Relax, Captain. He's still alive, for now.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Where is he? What did you do with him? We can save both of your lives.
If you wanna find your friend, I want something too: I want a car to the airport. [produces a small bag from his uniform pocket] I'm already packed. I want a jet that can fly 2,000 miles without refuelling. When I'm in the air, I'll tell you, A) Where I'm going, and B) where you can dig up... [stammers] Di-Dig. Y-you can dig. [immediately has a heart attack and collapses to the ground]
Oh my God, I think he's had a heart attack! [They start to perform CPR on him]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Downey! Downey!
[Monk has been buried alive.]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
I want that backhoe ready and running! Keep it running! [to the search party] All right, listen up! We figure he's got about forty minutes of air if he's not panicking... figure on fifteen minutes. This is Monk, I want the best you've got! So we're gonna spread out and we're gonna work the grid, all right! We're looking for fresh dirt, tire tracks, footprints, anything! Let's go-go!
Captain! There's a problem; the cemetery's just expanded. They just tore down a restaurant over there. It's all dug up, like, an acre and a half. Monk could be anywhere.
Captain, it's already been 20 minutes. Even if we find him, he'll be a basket case!
Monk · 667 quotes
