Freud said that there is a link between anger and wit. Anger turned inwards is depression. Anger turned sideways is Hawkeye.
S5Dear Sigmund
(Hawkeye and BJ have found Sidney's "Dear Sigmund" letter)
BBJ
Sidney, you're a psychiatrist. Don't you think writing a letter to Sigmund Freud is a little crazy?
Who better than he would understand?
S5Mulcahy's War
BBJ
Some guys shoot themselves in the foot to get sent back home.
Not me. I'd ruin a perfectly good pair of nylons.
S5The Korean Surgeon
Maybe they'd be interested in an exchange. We could keep Paik and give them Frank.
If anything happens, bury me in the blue chiffon!
S5Hawkeye Get Your Gun
If Frank Burns makes any more patronizing cracks about my age, I'll take him behind the motor pool and let the air out of his tires.
(both drunk, under fire, in a foxhole)
Fire that weapon!
Fire it? I don't even like looking at it!
I said fire that weapon!
All right. [To the gun] You're fired! [To Potter] I did it as gently as I could.
That was an order, Pierce.
(Snapping his fingers): Oh waiter, would you take this man's order, please?
Fire the gun Hawkeye.
Look Colonel, I'll heal their wounds, treat their wounds, bind their wounds, but I will not inflict their wounds.
You can't just sit there.
I may be sitting on the outside but I'm running on the inside.
You love life that little?
I hate GUNS that much.
BJB. J.
[hands Hawkeye a pistol] Your artillery, pard.
Is it loaded?
BJB. J.
Filled it with water myself, Colonel.
Watch out, everybody, I shoot to drown.
S5The Colonel's Horse
(talking about Frank)
BBJ
Can't you do something?
Like sit him down and have a talk with him?
No, like stand him up and have him shot.
Don't be absurd. There'd be an inquiry.
BJ (regarding Sophie's condition): Too much dry grass, not enough water; she's got colic.
Ooh, that's serious!
Colic?
BBJ
He says it could kill her. Her intestines are blocked; we need to keep her on her feet so they don't twist. And...we gotta clean her out. Lots and lots of warm water.
...I think I'll stroll on up to the front and see how the shooting's going.
(a hose needs to be connected to the water tower)
Hook this to the tap up there.
BBJ
It looks awful high.
Would you rather have this end?
BBJ
(climbing) It's not so high.
Upsy-daisy.
BBJ
I love you Daddy.
(Hawkeye and BJ are removing Margaret's appendix.)
(Barging into the OR) Why wasn't I called?!
(Barking at Frank) Mask!
(angered) Well, I should be doing this surgery! I know Major Houlihan's appendix better than any of you guys!
Burns, she asked for Pierce.
I don't believe it!
(quietly to Potter) Great deal of conflict here.
(quietly to Mulcahy) You said it, brother... uh, Father. (aloud, to Frank) Burns, she doesn't want you here!
I'm not leaving until I hear it from her own lips!
(BJ, about to put the anesthetic mask over Margaret's face, pauses)
Listen to these lips, Frank. Get out!
She's delirious.
(almost screaming) OUT!
(Potter pushes Frank out of the OR)
(angrily to Margaret) I hope you have a great big scar!
S5Exorcism
You all know what day this is. Friday the 13th.
She's right, and--nah, doesn't mean a thing.
Don't say that, Frank. I once spent Friday the 13th in a haunted house with a friend. I was never more frightened in my life.
You see a ghost?
No, her husband materialized out of nowhere.
BBJ
My aunt once talked to the spirit of Sigmund Freud.
That's impossible!
BBJ
Then how come he sent her a bill?
S5Hawk's Nightmare
We're a bunch of pediatricians. Oh, except for you, Frank.
Oh? And what am I?
Don't rush me, I'm still thinking about it.
Clumsy oaf.
No prompting from the studio audience.
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