(Klinger and Radar watch Sidney play a game of imaginary basketball with Hawkeye)
Is it any wonder I can't get a Section Eight? In this unit, if you want to be crazy, you gotta stand in line.
S5Hawk's Nightmare
[Radar encounters Hawkeye while he is sleepwalking.]
Did you lose something, sir?
Hi, Stinky,
[looks around] Uh, sir, that's the sorta name that kinda sticks with a fella. I'd appreciate it if you just call me by my given nickname.
What's cookin', Dexter?
... If those are my only choices, I guess I'll take "Stinky". It's got a little more pizazz.
S5The Most Unforgettable Characters
Who put gasoline in my gasoline?
The friendly old sun showed his friendly hot face over the mountains of purple majesty as though he was salutating "Good morning to all." Alas, alack, the peaceful quietness was detonated by a herd of chopper transportizing punctured personnel. But our gallant doctors, the miracle medical mortals are ever ready to treat the sick. The wounded were aided copiously by super-smart surgeons whose knowledge is superseded by nobody I know. Together or apart, they work as a team. Skilled hands with their fingers work dedicatedly to keep death away from its maximum.
Radar what is this cow flubdubbery? All this "miracle medical mortals" hooey. What are you doing to my duty log?
I was just adding a hint of self-expression.
The sun in it's crimson radiance bids a crepuscular adieu to another day. Corporal Klinger was in his last grisly hour of guard duty little knowing the fate that destiny had planned up for him. The Chinese were giving up in hordes. Sergeant Fierman brought in three prisoners that he had captured after they had surrendered voluntarily. The sergeant bragadeered to Corporal Klinger that capturing prisoners meant points toward discharge and early homeward bounding. This information inspired Klinger a whole lot. The vainglorious corporal ran like a bird and sped off in quest of Chinese giver-uppers. But destiny exterminated his luck. The Chinese had not seen women in an overexcited period of time. Klinger barely escaped with his purity still clean and in the process, ruining his finest frockery. The corporal re-arrived with his dignity dented and his nonchalantness not so nifty.
Enough, boy! Enough! This whole unit is gonna get a Section Eight!
S538 Across
Potter (after Mulcahy blessed the food): Thank God for ketchup.
He just did.
How can you see with those filthy glasses?
I know where everything is.
(seeing Klinger eat a piece of a jeep): "A" for effort Klinger but it's not gonna work.
Watch this. (swallows the lugnut and smiles).
Oh wow right down.
Dip it in a little 30 weight motor oil, pop it in and let it slide down the gullet like a blue point oyster.
Colonel he's crazy.
See? I got a witness. You gotta give me a Section 8 and send me home.
No dice.
If you don't let me out for being a nut you're nuttier than me! Sir.
S5Ping Pong
[Klinger is playing horseshoes with Potter.]
I don't know how you do it, Klinger.
Well, sir, I learned how to throw horseshoes in Toledo.
What's that got to do with it?
We didn't throw them for fun. We threw them in self-defense!
We all know when the Good Lord passed out paranoia, Frank Burns got on line twice.
Three times; and the third time, he denied ever being in line!
[Everyone at the 4077th is attending a Korean wedding taking place at the MASH.]
They won't get away with this. General Harrelson will hear about this!
Oh, shut up!
S5End Run
I think I'm having an identity crisis. I know I'm Dr. Pierce, but I want to be God.
BBJ
If you ever get the job, don't forget your old friends.
Klinger (to Zale): If my dog had your face, I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards!
S5Hepatitis
BBJ
You never exercise.
I wrestle periodically with the nurses.
Listen, it's too big a world to be in competition with everybody. The only person I'm out to beat is who I am right now. And in your case, that's tough enough.
S5The General's Practitioner
So like you, Hunnicutt. Not a patriotic bone in your body.
No wonder the man flunked anatomy, he thinks there are patriotic bones!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.