Marcy Rhoades-D'Arcy quotes from Married... with Children

Marcy

Look, we know Bela can be loud and annoying, and the whole neighborhood hates his guts, but at least he's a good protector.

Bud

Mom, that's just what you say about Dad!

Marcy

[about their dog] Steve, is he really dead?

Steve

Yes, dear.

Marcy

How do you know?

Steve

Well, number one: he didn't respond to any of my commands... And number two: his brains are in the begonias.

Peggy

Gee, an exercise room would be great. Then we wouldn't have to wait in line to use their equipment, and be laughed at by women with good bodies. Chocolate Sauce?

Marcy

Okay. I don't know Peggy. Steve and I wanted a room we could both use.

Peggy

Oh Steve has his own room. He has the kitchen!

Steve

It's not just a car, honey -- it's a piece of history. A 289 with dual carbs and a pony interior.

Marcy

Steve, where did you learn to talk like that?

Steve

Come on, honey. After all, I was a guy before I met you.

Al

[to Peg] You can't have a VCR.

Marcy

What gives you the right to make that decision?

Al

Because the name on this check says "Al Bumby." [looks closer] Al Bumby? Well, that's not important. What's important is that I can cash it -- maybe -- because I earned it, and that's the bottom line.

Peg

In the sixteen years I've been married to Al I've learned there are certain things never to ask for. Never approach him for sex during Wide World of Sports, unless women's gymnastics are on, then you got a shot. Never approach him for sex in the morning; he thinks that is just disgusting. And never ever tell him he's right.

Marcy

Why?

Peg

Because he's a man, Marcy. And the only thing uglier than a man who thinks he's right is Al. Believe me, I know this from experience.

Marcy

How long does it take to dry a dress?

Peg

In the machine's defense, Al fixed that too.

Al

I have an announcement: "Shut up."

Steve

So, where you headed?

Peggy

Well, what's the one place you would go if you could go anywhere?

Marcy

Greece.

Peggy

That's right, we're going to Dumpwater, Florida.

Marcy

Oh Peggy! What am I gonna do? I don't know how much longer I can hold out. But I will not give up my principles for an hour and a half of pleasure.

Peg

Look, you don't have to give up any...An hour and a half? If you add up all the sex Al and I have ever had, it STILL doesn't come to an hour and a half. At least not of pleasure.

Marcy

I'm so excited! Steve has been gone for 5 days. That's the longest we've been apart since we've been married. Well, you know how it is, Peg. What would you do if Al was gone for 5 days?

Peg

Cash in his insurance policy, give the kids to my mother, and travel.

Marcy

Santa's gone. I'll never be able to enjoy Christmas again.

Kelly

Well, you're in the right place.

Peg

Oh, buck up. These things happen.

Marcy

I hate men. They're stupid, ignorant animals with stupid ignorant hobbies. And they hated me. But I didn't need them. I had Barbie.

Marcy

Who's Barbie? America's favorite teenage fashion model, that's who.

Peg

Oh, you mean a Barbie doll. Yeah, I had one of those. I gave one to my boyfriend Keith as a symbol of our love. He was gay as a debutante, you know.

Marcy

Well, Steve forgave me. He's the most wonderful man in the world...

Peg

Al, why can't you be more like Steve?

Marcy

...and he's impotent!

Peg

My God, you are like Steve.

Al

Are you gonna take my advice?

Marcy

[defeated] Yes.

Al

Okay, Marcy. The first time you tried, was the light on?

Marcy

Yes?

Al

There ya go: he saw ya.