“Peggy Sue Got Work” quotes from Married... with Children

Al

Now remember, kids, this is your mother's first day at work. She's probably a little nervous, a little insecure. So when she comes down those stairs I want everyone to stand behind her like a family -- and try not to laugh.

Al

[to Peg] You can't have a VCR.

Marcy

What gives you the right to make that decision?

Al

Because the name on this check says "Al Bumby." [looks closer] Al Bumby? Well, that's not important. What's important is that I can cash it -- maybe -- because I earned it, and that's the bottom line.

Steve

You know, Al, this is probably none of my business but there are advantages to having a working wife. For one thing, it gave us enough money to buy the house next to yours. No, wait, that's a disadvantage.

Steve

So Al, how's Peggy's new job working out?

Al

(sarcastic) Oh, great Steve. Yeah, she's pulling a clear $90 a week. Of course, she spent $400 a week. Yeah, she needed a new smock at Mulden's. Of course, she needed some new clothes and she wanted some new shoes.

Steve

Well, that's no problem. You sell shoes.

Al

No, she wanted good shoes. Well, I figured if she keeps working any longer, we'll be living in the gutter. But actually, I won't be living in the gutter. I'll be in prison for killing your wife!

Steve

Well, before you go down that long, lonesome road, Al. Why don't you try this? Ask Peggy to quit.

Al

No, I can't do that! Well, see the truth is, I like having her at home.

Steve

Well, she love to hear that.

Al

Yeah, I'm sure she would. But, I'm not going to tell her. Cause, I would have nothing to complain about and I like complaining. Nah, if I got her to quit, she'd lord it over me for the rest of my life. Yeah, she'd say "I wanted to work, but you want me home. Now I'm home, so shut up!". And that would be the end of all my fun in the marriage. Nah, I got to think of another way.

Steve

Ah, gee, Al, I don't like to butt into your business...

Al

No, go ahead. Pretend you're your wife.