Peg quotes from Married... with Children, page 8 ... TV Quotes Database

Played by Kathleen Freeman

2nd most-quoted character in Married... with Children: in 176 of its 613 quotes
Most scenes with: Al Bundy (113), Bud Bundy (27), Kelly Bundy (25)

Scenes with Peg 159

Jefferson

Drop dead!

Peg

Lick feet!

Marcy

Eat dirt!

Grow hair!

S5 E22 You Better Shop Around: Part 2

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[Peg, Kelly and Bud are in search for Al's money.]

Peg

I'll check his underwear. After all, he has only one pair. Now, Bud, you take the closet.

Kelly

Appropriate for you, Bud.

Peg

And Kelly, honey, you take the back seat of the car.

Bud

Appropriate for you, Kel.

S5 E23 Route 666: Part 1

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Peg

Oh, Al, the rubes think I'm sexy.

Yeah, I would too, Peg, if I drank whiskey for breakfast.

S5 E23 Route 666: Part 1

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[Al and Peg come up from the dark cellar.]

Peg

Oh, Al, take me again.

I didn't even know I was taking you then. I tripped on a box and then I thought the furnace fell on me.

S5 E25 Buck The Stud

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Peg

Al, guess what? Marcy is pregnant.

Well, congratulations Marcy, now you can finally be fitted for a bra.

Marcy

That's right, Al, but I don't need to complain to you what it's like to carry around small things.

S6 E1 She's Having My Baby: Part 1

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[While watching television, a pregnant Peg turns to Al as he comes home looking similar to Simeon Pathetica.]

AAnnouncer

Note the stoop shoulders and the dull blank look.

Peg

Can I have your autograph.

S6 E1 She's Having My Baby: Part 1

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Kelly

Mom! Bud's got more fingers then I do.

Peg

Did you count both hands, honey?

Kelly

Oh.

S6 E2 She's Having My Baby: Part 2

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That's what's wrong with this country, Peg: every time something tears up, we call someone to fix it. Not like Grandpa Bundy. There was a fixin' man.

Bud

You mean Grandpa Hook?

Well, circular saws were new then. But he carved his own hook, he didn't call anybody!

Peg

It would have been hard for him to hold the phone with the one finger he had left on his other hand.

One finger is all a real American needs, Peg.

S6 E3 If Al Had A Hammer

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Peg

You see, in this country, my husband is a very powerful man. He's a shoe salesman.

GMs. Garcia

Really? In my country, shoe salesmen are laughed at by everyone, including beggars and the feeble-minded.

Peg

Our countries are very much alike.

S6 E5 Looking For A Desk In All The Wrong Places

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Peg

[reading "Sexual Intimacy" card] "If your lover was suddenly unable to perform..." [Al lowers head] "and was a shoe salesman, and named Al..."

Give me that. There's no way it could possibly say that. [reads the card and suddenly looks amazed] Oh, my God, it does!

Peg

"And an old lover came to town..." They must mean Jim. "Would you have a sleazy affair with him?" ... Yeah.

S6 E14 The Mystery Of Skull Island

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Peg

Come on, Al. Share with us what you care about.

(Al stands up)

"I Care," by Al Bundy

When hooters jiggle around

And I find nickels on the ground

I care.

When a Mustang engine purrs

And the bathroom is not hers

I care.

When the pitcher's on the mound

And the wife is underground

I care.

But when I've been playing this for days

I will kill

Anyone who stays

I swear

(Al sits back down and buries his face in his hands)

Peg

...And if you really want a scare

Check out his underwear

If you dare.

S6 E14 The Mystery Of Skull Island

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Al (laughing): I don't care how much you paid me. You'd never get me up on a plane skydiving.

Peg

Al, you landed on "Kiss the Neighbors."

(Al stares at the camera. The scene flips to Biff in the plane as Al walks to the door with the parachute pack in his hands)

BBiff

Don't you want your last minute instructions?

(Al laughs deliriously and hurls himself off the plane)

S6 E14 The Mystery Of Skull Island

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Steve

And none of you could tell me that she was married.

Peg

We don't like to use the "M word" in front of the children.

S6 E17 The Egg And I

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SSalesman

Welcome to Hurricane Hole! Oops, sorry, let me get that for you.

Salesman sprays an insect on the wall

Peg

Sir, we are on our honeymoon! You could at least have the decency to allow us to have sex and wait another eight seconds before you barge in here!

S6 E18 My Dinner With Anthrax

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Look, I do not think I want to buy a time share.

SSalesman

I guess I have to give up...but not before I play my trump card! Salesman turns on radio, which plays Kookie, Kookie. Edd Byrnes enters, which excites Peg Say hello to Edd "Kookie" Byrnes, star of 77 Sunset Strip! Now Edd, why did you come to Hurricane Hole?

EBEdd Byrnes

Because you gave me one for free, Stan.

Salesman{annoyed}: Well Kookie, guess you were a good actor but a lousy pitchman! to Peg & Al Look, all it is are easy payments of $6 a month.

Peg

Sir, please. My husband is on sabbatical from his job selling shoes and we just want to make love.

SSalesman

Shoe salesman?! In that case I know you cannot afford $6 timeshare payments. I want you people off the premises by 5!

Salesman and Edd Byrnes leave, but Edd has helped himself to Al's stash of girlie magazines

Peg

Well, that still gives us plenty of time.

Peg makes out with a reluctant Al

Oh no! I have no girlie magazines! Kookie, Kookie, give me back my Big 'Uns!