Peg quotes from Married... with Children

Al

Peg! Three little green aliens came in here and... they stole my socks!

Peg

Were they green before or after they touched your socks?

Al

First thing they teach you when you're a rookie shoe salesman is, when you got a fat one in the chair, never look up. Well, I looked up, Peg. I saw underwear. It said "Saturday."

Peg

So what?

Al

[starts crying] Today's Wednesday.

Peg

[to Al] Are you enjoying your day off?

Al

Peg, you know I am. Now, how are you gonna ruin it for me? Sex? Chores? What?

Peg

Where are you going?

Al

Where do you think I'm going?

Peg

To the "Mr. Pudding Belly" tryouts?

Peg

Al, our baby's gone. Hold me.

Al

I didn't hold you when we conceived her. Why should I start now?

Peg

And then of course there's that ten months of pregnancy.

Marcy

Ten?

Peg

Male Bundys never wanna come out. Oh, and then once they're out, they never wanna go back in again.

Peg

[reads test questions from a magazine to Al] Who would you rather spend the night with? A, your wife, or B...

Al

B!

Jefferson

I saw a woman come over here. Are one of you my wife? [notices a distressed Marcy, a pleased Peggy and bored Kelly and decides on Kelly) Come on sweetheart, let's go back to bed.

Kelly

Bye, Daddy.

Peg

No, no, no, no. You've made a mistake. I'm your wife. [releases Kelly and takes Jefferson's hand] Now we can go back to bed.

Marcy

Oh shut up. It's me, it's me.

Peg

Hi, honey. Why did you bring the steering wheel in the house?

Al

Well, I thought, since it isn't attached any more, maybe you'd like to cook it up for dinner?

Al

Pumpkin, it's not that we don't believe you. It's just that we don't believe in love.

Peg

That's why our marriage works.

I did not know Kelly had a sister.

Peg

He's OK by me!

This must be Mr. Bundy.

Hello, Harry Ashland, I am an alderman.

Kelly

That's a priest, Daddy.

No, an alderman is more like a city councilman.

Kelly

Oh. Then how come you wanted me to call you Father?

Marcy

"Itsy-Bitsy Spider"?

Al

No.

Jefferson

"Go Tell Pharaoh"?

Al

No! This is a song from my youth.

Peg

"Look, It's a Wheel"?

Peg

Al, Kelly's been stood up.

Al

Must bring back memories for you, huh, Peg? Anyway, I was driving home -- God knows why -- and I hear this old song on the radio that I used to love, but I can't remember the name. Now, why is it whenever a song comes on the radio, and you're waiting to hear them name it, it's always number 6 of 40 in a row?

Peg

Well, stick with it, honey. You figured out how to flush the toilet; you'll figure this one out.

Al

This is a burning question of our time, and I will not have it trivialized by a woman who thinks the TV show "Hunter" is engrossing. (as he's walking over to the fridge to get a beer): Anyhow, the DJ finally comes on, and, instead of telling me the name of my song, what does he do? Goes on and on about some massive pile-up on the freeway. (in a whiny voice): "Twelve dead, twelve dead." (normal voice): Then he kicks off about 500 in a row, with Bobby Goldsboro's musical sphincter lock known as "Honey."

Peg

Well, at least it's over.

Al

Oh, it's not over. [opens the door, revealing the police] Now it's over!

Peg

Well, at least it's over.

Al

Ah, no, Peg, it's not over. [opens the door, revealing the police] Now it's over! (to the police): What's for dinner tonight in the slammer, guys?

Officer Dan

Same thing every night: Weenie Tots.