It's a side effect of the marijuana poisoning!
S4 E14Part II: High Anxiety
LPLester Payton
If you people are just about finished, I'll tell you who killed Debbie. (everyone sits down) Debbie's phone record showed she called Mr. Hank Hill a short while before her death, which means she was home at 6pm. Now, what would she have seen if she had looked out her window at 6pm, hmmm? (Luanne shrugs) Normally, she'd see Sheriff Mumford stuffing some Sugarfoot's ribs into his face. (Sheriff Mumford glares at Payton) But on this night, she saw Mr. Buck and "Miz Liz" Strickland entering the restaurant, (Buck and Miz Liz lovingly look at each other, holding hands) which, according to the Sugarfoot's reservation book, occurred at…
(reads from the reservation book) 6:03, Mr., and 6:04, Mrs..
PPayton
Seeing Buck and Miz Liz back together must've thrown that pretty little tank wipe into a jealous rage, so when she went down to Sugarfoot's, she—
AH! Peggy's Sugarfoot's, at the time it was.
PPayton
Yeah… The point is, she went there to kill Buck Strickland with the 12 gauge shotgun he had stashed in her apartment, (positions two slices of bread to represent a car and a dumpster, the scene fades to a flashback depicting the events leading to Debbie's death) so she climbed in the dumpster right next to his Cadillac to lie in wait. Now, sitting in a dumpster full of half-eaten barbecue can make you hungry…
DDebbie
(sniffs the scent of the trash) Hmmm… (cut to a convenience store across the street)
PPayton
…and sure enough, (cut back to present time) Debbie went across the street to… the Get In Get Out. (winks to Sheriff Mumford, who keeps glaring at Payton, cut to security footage, depicting Debbie making a purchase with the rifle under her arm) According to the store's security video tape and a written deposition from Mr. Freddie Hakime, she purchased a Big Gulp and a 99¢ nacho plate. By buying them together, she saved 23¢. (cut back to present time)
My God, that is one heck of deal!
PPayton
When Debbie returned to the dumpster, (cut to Debbie walking past Buck's Cadillac with the rifle and snacks in her arms) she saw Mr. Strickland's car and assumed he was still there. (cut back to present time) What she didn’t know was that the Stricklands had already left together in Mrs. Strickland's car, having reconciled physically in a store room. And again, in the meat locker. (pan over to Buck cuddling with Miz Liz) And once more, in the slop sink. (cut to Debbie climbing back into the dumpster) She had difficulty juggling the three items as she attempted to negotiate her way back into the dumpster. She put the gun in first. She wouldn’t let go of that junk food. (cut back to present time) And that was the source of her demise, for as Debbie climbed into that dumpster, her foot accidentally tripped the hammer on the gun. (cut to Debbie, with the snacks still in her hands, climbing into the dumpster, the rifle suddenly goes off and shoots her dead, the impact of her body hitting the bottom of the dumpster causes the the cover to fall down and close with her leg sticking out, cut back to present time) So, Debbie Gund's killer… was Debbie Grund.
S4 E15Naked Ambition
My class was cancelled and the library was closed. I love college.
C'mon, I'm not leaving without my kiss. I can wait.... I can destroy you.
Mrs. Johnson's bag has six puppies. Mr. Peterson's bag has minus four puppies...
Why don't your doors have keyholes?
You're really starting to creep me out, now go home!
Bobby, it's perfectly natural to want to see a woman naked, but I am your cousin. Now, the first time was an accident, but if I catch you again, you are going to hell.
Are you crazy? We're going to get caught. I could go to hell!
I can't help myself. I've got a monkey on my back and it wants to see Luanne naked!
Hey you, crazy guy. I'll give you a smoke if you trade clothes with me.
Infiltration of mental hospital complete. Proceed to phase two; exfiltration of mental hospital.
Apparently this door has some kind of anti-opening device.
...which is why so many people are suddenly allergic to peanuts. The peanuts are emitting toxins as an evolutionary defense mechanism. They're tired of being eaten, and now they're fighting back.
PPsychiatrist
I see.
Anyhoo, I just stopped by to pick up my buddy Boomhauer. You see, we're both in here by mistake. Now I can't vouch for Boomhauer, but I am most definitely not crazy.
PPsychiatrist
Go on.
Did you just say, "Go Mom"? Now who's the crazy one?
(In a self-help class in a mental hospital) It's just that in the alley, no one cares what I have to say, but here, I feel heard and accepted and dare I say... loved?
We gotta get out of here. The smoking breaks are too short, the food is good at best and the anti-depressants are making my mouth dry and happy.
(shouting) Can I get some glitter please?
Why don't we just call Hank?
No. Hank must never know we were in here. Our society stigmatizes the mentally ill... and rightfully so, these people are nuts!
(Hank realizes he's all alone and sighs. Then he sees Khan starting to build a fence.) Hey Khan. I thought I heard someone mixing concrete.
KKhan
Oh, that's right. I'm building fence. Big fence. Eight feet tall between your house and my house.
Eight feet huh? Yeah, you see Khan, in this neighborhood, side fences have to be 5'6 or under. It's not in the code or anything, it's just something I'm trying to enforce.
KKhan
You really want to help me, Hank Hill? You keep your dirty little boy's hands off my innocent genius daughter!
Now what's that supposed to mean?
KKhan
Last night, I catch Bobby half-naked in Connie's room!
Bobby?!
KKhan
The truth about your little boy not so pretty after all, is it, Hank Hill?! He girl-crazy sex-fiend!
(feigning outrage) Well, that boy's gonna get a talking to, I tell ya what! (Hank walks away and secretly laughs) Whew.
KKahn
(yelling in Laotian)
I know a couple of those words. I better go. (kisses Connie goodbye)
Bye.
KKahn
I see you! KAHN SEE EVERYTHING!
KKahn
You know, you're not too big to be spanked, you dirty little hillbilly!
Aunt Peggy, Mister Kahn saw me naked!
(driving by on his bike) Oh man!
S4 E16Movin On Up
The only thing your roommates (ie: enemies) will understand is fear (ie: psychological warfare (ie: dirty tricks)). It worked for Dick Nixon. For example, get ahold of some goat's blood. Taint that blood. Then when your roommates need blood, give them the tainted goat's blood. It's a perfect plan.
I don't want to hurt anyone... I just want them to do the dishes.
Oh, well in that case stack the dishes in the shower. That's the way Nancy gets me to do them.
So you found yourself a project. Do you get the same, uh, high I get from lawn care?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.