King of the Hill · Season 2
Excuse me, ma'am, but that was my fork.
Poor Peggy; she's dead.
Leanne, whether you like the title or not, you are this girl's mother. She has been waiting her whole life for just a shred of attention from you. But you don't know how to return even a fraction of the love you get from your child - or from your man! I hope someday you can live without alcohol, but until that day we can all live very nicely without you.
I kicked your brother's ass and I will kick yours too, sissy!
Well, there's one thing you didn't count on. My brother has got size 6 feet, BUT I DON'T! HO-YEEEEAH!!!
If she doesn't come back, that means she and I weren't meant to be and if she does come back, well then... then I'll call the police.
You don't know me, I am unknowable.
The law says that if we catch someone doing drugs on the job, we can fire him. So here is what you do: Put on your best suit, hop a Greyhound to Dallas, buy every pill, pipe, and powder you can, then return here and spread the stuff around like roach traps. We will get that boy hooked again!
All due respect, sir, I have a better plan.
Social worker enters
Hello Mr. Hill, I came as fast as I could. From the tone of your phone call it sounded like you had fallen victim to some kind of disability. Tell me all about it.
Yes, I too have realized I suffer from a disability. It is known as GWS, or Good Worker Syndrome. I believe doing a full day's work and giving 110%, and get sick to my stomach I don't see everybody else doing the same. The symptoms include pride, enthusiasm, and a feverish devotion to duty. Used to be a common condition among Americans.
Ugh! People like you who game the system make it hard for the rest of us, the truly disabled. Anthony holds up hand to show he is wearing a wrist brace, likely associated with carpal tunnel I am leaving. Call me if you gives you any more trouble, Leon.
Don't call me Leon any more. That was the name I used drugs with. From now on, I want to be known as...Hank Hill.
What?! No, that is going too far; I cannot accommodate that.
It is not up to you, Hank, it is up to "Hank". This man is not your slave, you do not get to name him!
I hate to do this but you leave me no choice. Sir, I quit!
Hank proceeds to depart Strickland Propane
What do I do now?
Hank{peeping out door}: Whatever you want, Buck. Effective with my resignation the rolls are down to fourteen employees. And that makes this your business, not the government's.
Buck reads announcement of Americans with Disabilities Act, which applies to business with 15 or more employees
Hot dang, Hank, you have done it!
Why, thank you sir.
Not you, you are fired. Leon gasps, as does Anthony, who is now powerless. Buck turns on lights OK, listen up everyone. Strickland is now small enough to skirt the law. Y'all get back to work this instant or you are fired. Loafing employees get themselves in gear; including Debbie, whose rear end was facing everyone when she was lying on a couch Oh no, not you Debbie. Your job is to stay right where you are.
Bobby, if you weren't my son I'd hug you.
A race is in progress. There is a party on the infield, and Bobby is selling drinks to the guests
Bobby, I need a soda!
Yes, Mr. Witchard.
Bobby proceeds to overhead crossing zone
Not that way! Just run across.
But the track?!
Don't back-talk the boss man! Ain't you ever cross the highway?! Run where there ain't any cars!
They're going too fast!
Do it you- you monkey boy! I'm the boss of you!
Bobby is about to climb guardrail.
What the hell?! BOBBY NO! (Hank restrains Bobby.) What are you doing?
I'm going to cross the track and bring Mr. Witchard a soda.
That's crazy! Why would you do something like that?
I'm giving 110%, Dad.
Go-to here, Go-to boy. I want a soda! Go-to now, you!
BWAAAAAHHH!!!
Hank, infuriated, chases after Jimmy, ironically running on the track himself in his anger
There's a crazy man on the track!
BWAAAAAHHH!!!
Oh, and there goes Gordon into the wall!
You're up!
Boomhauer, Boomhauer, Boomhauer, Yeah!
Ah! (laughing) You can't get me!
BWAAAAAHHH!!! (breaks the caged fence and chases after Witchard)
(screams as Hank kicks his ass)
There's some milk in the fridge that is about to go bad....and there it goes.
There are 96 ridges on every checker...except this one.
I met a guy in my boxing class
and I slept with him before I kicked his ass!
Sir, there's no yelling in the propane department. Some of these gases are extremely valublilous.
Hey man, is this dang ol' 911? Hey listen, there's a dang ol' fire in here, and dang ol' Mega-Lo-Mart went boom!
Sir, you are going to have to speak a lot more slowly.
Dang... ol'... Mega-Lo-Mart... done git went got it, and dang ol' boom!
HAAAAAANNNNNKKKK!
CHUUUUUCCCCCKKK!
Buckley and Luanne are in there!
Buckley said he'd hire me at the Mega-Lo-Mart.
Mega-Lo-Mart?! Well why don't you just go down to hell and work for the devil!
Good thing... that I don't have dangerous brain powers, or right now you'd be in a thousand little pieces!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
