Anthony Page quotes from King of the Hill

Anthony Page

Mr. Hill, I feel that you're coming from an anger mindset, and if you're projecting this anger onto me, it gives me grave concerns as to how you facilitate your son's growth in private.

Hank Hill

Mister, I have not begun to project my anger onto you!

Anthony Page

Please, Mr. Hill? Loud is not allowed.

Hank Hill

What the- "Loud is not allowed"? Now you listen to me, mister. (patriotic music starts to play as hank gets increasingly angrier) I work for a livin', and I mean real work, not writin' down gobbledegook! I provide the people of this community with propane and propane accessories. Oh, when I think of all my hard earned tax dollars goin' ta pay a bunch of little twig-boy bureaucrats like you, it just makes me wanna ... oh ... oh God ... it just ... (record scratch)

Peggy Hill

Hank?

Hank Hill

Honey, bring me my BC headache powder and a glass of water.

Peggy Hill

Alright, Hank.

Hank Hill

Now you listen here. You see that boy? (music resumes) That's my boy! And if you ever try to take him away, so help me God, I'll tear ya a new one bigger'n the Grand Canyon! Now I want you to get out of my house. You're not welcome here! I mean NOW, before I give YOU a black eye! GIT!

Hank

(Hank is lying on the bed) It's hard, Peggy. I don't wanna lose my little boy. My only son. But, oh, it's hard.

Peggy

Well, you can relax. The investigation has been off for a week, only Bobby didn't tell us.

Hank

[Yelling furiously] I'LL KILL HIM!!!!!

Peggy

Alright, calm down, honey. Now, let me explain. He didn't do it to be mean, Bobby honestly doesn't think you love him all the time.

Hank

That's crazy, 'Course I love him.

Peggy

Very good. Now, say it to Bobby.

Hank

What are you talkin' about?

Peggy

I want you to tell Bobby that your love for him is unconditional.

Hank

Well, I can't say that. I can't! You know how I was raised! What my father's like!

(shown in a flashback to Hank's youth) I got my shins blowed off by a Japanman's machine gun, so don't come cryin' to me with your problems!

Peggy

Honey, I'm begging you. For the sake of this family, you have got to do it. He's waiting for you out on the porch.

Hank

Ah, jeez. Twig-boy coming over here... (Hank goes outside and talks to Bobby) Uh, you, uh, you're my son, uh, well, you know with everything uh, that entails, uh...

Bobby

Uh-huh.

Hank

Uh, huh, you know, uh, feelings of, uh, fondness, and more, uh, heh, uh, you know what I mean, don't you, boy?

Bobby

No.

Hank

Uhh, well uh, (Hank makes a weird sound) Huh, that's a hell of a weird sound, I've never made that before. Uh, I, you, uh, family. You're not making this easy on me, boy. (sighs) Okay, I love you no matter what you do. There, phew, let's go get something to eat.

Bobby

I'm not, just a big disappointment to you?

Hank

Disappointment? No, you make me proud. I've been disappointed by just about everything else in this town, but you? Not once. Dammit, you're my boy. Heh, you know better than that. (Bobby laughing)

Anthony Page

He punched him! I, I knew it! I told them! Did-did you see that?

See what, twig-boy?

Anthony Page

(sighs) Never mind.

You don't know me, I am unknowable.

The law says that if we catch someone doing drugs on the job, we can fire him. So here is what you do: Put on your best suit, hop a Greyhound to Dallas, buy every pill, pipe, and powder you can, then return here and spread the stuff around like roach traps. We will get that boy hooked again!

Hank Hill

All due respect, sir, I have a better plan.

Anthony Page

Hello Mr. Hill, I came as fast as I could. From the tone of your phone call it sounded like you had fallen victim to some kind of disability. Tell me all about it.

Hank

Yes, I too have realized I suffer from a disability. It is known as GWS, or Good Worker Syndrome. I believe doing a full day's work and giving 110%, and get sick to my stomach I don't see everybody else doing the same. The symptoms include pride, enthusiasm, and a feverish devotion to duty. Used to be a common condition among Americans.

Anthony

Ugh! People like you who game the system make it hard for the rest of us, the truly disabled. Anthony holds up hand to show he is wearing a wrist brace, likely associated with carpal tunnel I am leaving. Call me if you gives you any more trouble, Leon.

Don't call me Leon any more. That was the name I used drugs with. From now on, I want to be known as...Hank Hill.

Hank Hill

What?! No, that is going too far; I cannot accommodate that.

Anthony

It is not up to you, Hank, it is up to "Hank". This man is not your slave, you do not get to name him!

Hank

I hate to do this but you leave me no choice. Sir, I quit!

What do I do now?

Hot dang, Hank, you have done it!

Why, thank you sir.

Not you, you are fired. Leon gasps, as does Anthony, who is now powerless. Buck turns on lights OK, listen up everyone. Strickland is now small enough to skirt the law. Y'all get back to work this instant or you are fired. Loafing employees get themselves in gear; including Debbie, whose rear end was facing everyone when she was lying on a couch Oh no, not you Debbie. Your job is to stay right where you are.