King of the Hill · Season 2, Episode 19
“Leanne's Saga” · Season 2, Episode 19
In this episode: Luanne Leanne Platter Kleinschmidt (7), Peggy Hill (5), Hank Rutherford Hill (3), Bill Dauterive (3), Dale Gribble (2), Bobby Hill (1), Boomhauer (1)
Mama got outta prison! (runs to the garage)
(gasps and drops Ladybird's food dish in shock) Oh, I knew it! I just knew it! I told them medium security would not be enough to hold that woman!
No, she didn't escape, She was released! She's coming to visit on Saturday!
Uh...she's coming here?
Oh, I can't wait to tell Daddy! Oh, we're gonna be a family again! (excitedly exits the garage)
I will tongue-kiss Bill before I let that tramp in my house!
Whoa.
Yeah, I was all set to start on a TV cabinet on Saturday, but it's gonna hafta wait a day. Luanne's mama is coming to visit.
(spits out his beer in shock) That woman is a menace to society.
Well, I dunno, I never met the lady, but she did her time.
I tell you what, ain't no dang ol' lady 'bout her man. She get all liquored up man, all comin' on strong an' pawin' me like a dang ol' animal, man. I tell her "no means no!"
Yeah, Leanne's bad news, I tell you what. Peggy's brother was all set to marry a pretty pharmacist gal until Leanne "entertained" at his bachelor party. [sighs] So he marries Leanne and after 18 years of drunken hell, she stabs him with a fork.
[Bill plays with a vice, until part of it falls of and hits his foot]:
AAAAOW! OHH!! My foot! I think it's broken!
Uh, well, if it's broken, you're gonna have to get that shoe off.
No! No, no, I - I feel better now. I'm just gonna go ON home.
Don't be silly. Just let me - (tries to remove Bill's shoe) What the...?
Don't look at me! Don't look at me!
[Hank remove Bill's sock, revealing that Bill has a foot fungus. The rest cringe in disgust.]
I never thought I'd say this, but, I don't think I can finish my beer.
It's some kinda Athlete's Foot. I've been using this spray for 10 years. "Quick working" my ass.
What did the doctor say?
The only person I ever showed my toes to was my ex-wife. She used 'em against me in the divorce.
You don't have to be embarrassed about your toes, Bill, it's just a medical condition.
Sure, that's what you say. But I don't see you waving your narrow urethra around for everyone to see.
[Hank looks perplexed.]
Honey, marriage is about trust and she... well she betrayed him. It was like a knife in his heart when she stuck that fork in his back.
Oh, you have such a lovely home here. Of course if somebody turned on a fire hose it would all be ruined.
Hey, Leanne. How's that job search coming along?
Not so good. My best reference just went in for chemical castration.
We're engaged!
It was supposed to be a SURPRISE! (punches Bill and belches) I need a smoke!
This is the happiest day of my life!
I will not have you running around all glammed up like Phyllis Diller!
You're not my mama! Mama is my mama!
Luanne, you are never gonna see her for who she is. Well, I am sorry, but I have not got time for pain. The next time that woman breaks your heart, I'm not gonna be waiting there to say "I told you so."
Mama, please!
Will you quit callin' me that?! I might be 34.
Excuse me, ma'am, but that was my fork.
Poor Peggy; she's dead.
Leanne, whether you like the title or not, you are this girl's mother. She has been waiting her whole life for just a shred of attention from you. But you don't know how to return even a fraction of the love you get from your child - or from your man! I hope someday you can live without alcohol, but until that day we can all live very nicely without you.
I kicked your brother's ass and I will kick yours too, sissy!
Well, there's one thing you didn't count on. My brother has got size 6 feet, BUT I DON'T! HO-YEEEEAH!!!
If she doesn't come back, that means she and I weren't meant to be and if she does come back, well then... then I'll call the police.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
