King of the Hill · Season 1
The phone is ringing at the Hill residence. Hank picks it up:
Hello?
(hoarse voice) You don't know who I am, but I know where you live, and if you teach that sex-ed class, so help me, I-
Dale? Is that you?
(normal voice) Oh. Hank. Uh, can I speak with Peggy?
Uh, Peggy, it's for you. It's Dale.
Y'ello, Dale.
(hoarse voice) You don't know where I am, but I know where you live...
Peggy is attempting to say the names of reproductive organs for a sexual education class.:
Happiness. Happ-i-ness. Ha-penis. Penis. I did it! Ovaries. Uvula. Uterus. VAAAGINA!
[Hank does a spit-take with his beer.]:
Hey Hank, I just said...
I heard ya! The whole neighborhood can hear you cussing!
It's not cussing Hank, to say the name of a god-given body part.
Well it is if it's the part of a body that was meant to be concealed by an undergarment. You're dealing with organs that people just don't want to know about.
Well, Bobby ought to know about 'em. We don't want him growing up as repressed as we did.
Sure we do. I'm drawing the line here, Peggy. My son is not gonna learn this crazy crap! It says right here that he can't take the class without permission from both his parents!
Now, just hold on. Are you saying I'm not good enough to teach my own son?!
If you do not approve, you do not have to sign, and I do not approve. Permission denied!
[Dale is leaving a message on the Hill's answering machine]
You don't know who I am, but I know where you live and you better cut it out if you know what's good for you. Oh, and Hank, we changed that tee-off time to 3:00.
[As a child] When I grow up, I want to sell propane and propane accessories, if my grades are good enough!
[to Bobby & Joseph inside the tent] Son, Peggy Hill knows half a swear word when she hears one.
I'm so depressed I can't even blink.
We of the Order of the Straight Arrow call upon the spirit Wematanye, protector of the sacred ground that brings us cool water to drink and energy-efficient clean-burning propane gas for all our sacred heating and cooking needs. Wematanye says, respect the earth! She's ours, by God, our taxes pay for Her. Also, it says here you gotta love all Her creatures. Let's see...oh, here we go: Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you're gonna recommend us to the spirit in the sky, with liberty and justice for all. Wematanye is with you, and with Texas. Amen.
[awaken from his dream as he hears honking] Willie, no! That's a one-way street!
[about the long honking sound] Sounds like your horn's going off!
You really think so, Bill?
Oh Yeah!
Dang it, Hank! You know I can't have loud, sudden noises while I'm meditating! I was a nose hair away from attaining inner peace!
Santa Claus is for babies!
[sad] You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch!
[Bobby] seems bent on destroying everything I own. Why can't he turn that energy into something useful, like that boy with no legs who ran across Canada?
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was the bathroom...Oh, good Lord! [sees a weak nerd which doesn't look like Bobby]
Your heart is telling you?! Who's the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work!
He looks like an angel. A dead angel.
(crying) Why, man, dang ol' why, why?!
It should have been Bill!
Oh, Hank. We never got a chance to talk about your problem. And now... we never will.
Remember, early detection is the key. Now pass in your algebra homework.
Goodbye, boy. See you in HELL!
(on TV) The temperature is a pleasant 70 degrees. And on a more personal note, I'd like to wish my friend Hank Hill a quick recovery from his embarrassing consti-
-pation.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
