(While constipated and watching his dog poo outside) Showoff.
"Don't touch me. I'm on the John."
S1 E6Hank's Unmentionable Problem
[last lines, to the audience]
You might have noticed in tonight's episode, there is some brief nudity. Now, as an actor, I only do nudity when I feel the script warrants it. And I thought tonight's episode only warranted seeing the side of my rump. You can believe me when I tell you the Fox executives were pushing for a whole lot more. If any of you were offended by my body, I'm truly sorry. Good night.
S1 E7Westie Side Story
What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he's white?
Do you... do you think my feet are too big, Hank?
No, hon. Just... more of you to love.
Ow.
Oh, sorry.
MSMinh Souphanousinphone
Kahn, please. For once try not to piss off neighbor. We kicked out of Laos, we kicked out of Anaheim... I tired of running.
So are you Chinese or Japanese?
I live in California last twenty year, but, ah... first come from Laos.
Huh?
Laos. We Laotian.
The ocean? What ocean?
We are Laotian--from Laos, stupid! It's a landlocked country in Southeast Asia. It's between Vietnam and Thailand, okay? Population: 4.7 million.
So are you Chinese or Japanese?
[groans]
Dad, look. Ladybird and Doggie like eachother.
Of course they do, Son, they're neighbors. [to Kahn] Y'know, Kahn, I just found a breeding partner for my Ladybird. If you're interested in having a real American dog, I can give-
[cut to Doggie mounting Ladybird]
What the hell?! Get him off! Get him off of her! [Hank grabs Kahn's watering hose and sprays Doggie and Ladybird]
[laughter] Your Ladybird, she real slut!
Ladybird is not a slut! She is in heat. Her hormones have overwhelmed her natural modesty.
[Hank goes to get Ladybird. She stubbornly refuses to move, and Hank struggles to pull her away by the collar]
For Pete's sake, would you tie up your dog?!
You tie your dog. She seduce my Doggie.
That's ridiculous, Ladybird can only love another purebred Georgia Bloodhound.
[tense music plays]
You know what I think, Hank Hill? I think you're a narrow-minded redneck!
Oh, I get it: Just because I'm from Texas, I gotta be some kind of redneck! Chinese and their stupid stereotypes...
Get off my property!
Please, Kahn. You're burning them! That's too much char.
Shut mouth and open mouth.
They'll probably get you with a blow-dart; that's their way. But you'll just think its a mosquito bite until you die, then you'll know the truth.
I could just stay home, order a bucket of chicken and watch Hee Haw; same thing [as going to the Hills' for dinner].
You know Kahn, we may deny our kids completely different deserts, but they both go to bed hungry, and that's what really matters.
[last lines]
MSMinh Souphanousinphone
Rabbit, you rednecks will eat anything!
S1 E8Shins of the Father
Mr. Kahn, I'll have a Mai Tai.
(offended) What- what you think?! I work for Hank?!
Uh, dad, this here's my new neighbor.
(sotto, to Cotton) He's Japanese.
No he ain't. (visually inspects Kahn for a moment) He's Laotian. Ain't you, Mr. Kahn?
Bobby, I'm proud of what you did at school today....So I'm buyin' you a hooker! Go ahead pick yourself out a live one.
Well, you know me-- I'm larger than life.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.