Mrs. Johnson's bag has six puppies. Mr. Peterson's bag has minus four puppies...
S4 E15Naked Ambition
Why don't your doors have keyholes?
You're really starting to creep me out, now go home!
Bobby, it's perfectly natural to want to see a woman naked, but I am your cousin. Now, the first time was an accident, but if I catch you again, you are going to hell.
Are you crazy? We're going to get caught. I could go to hell!
I can't help myself. I've got a monkey on my back and it wants to see Luanne naked!
Hey you, crazy guy. I'll give you a smoke if you trade clothes with me.
Infiltration of mental hospital complete. Proceed to phase two; exfiltration of mental hospital.
Apparently this door has some kind of anti-opening device.
...which is why so many people are suddenly allergic to peanuts. The peanuts are emitting toxins as an evolutionary defense mechanism. They're tired of being eaten, and now they're fighting back.
PPsychiatrist
I see.
Anyhoo, I just stopped by to pick up my buddy Boomhauer. You see, we're both in here by mistake. Now I can't vouch for Boomhauer, but I am most definitely not crazy.
PPsychiatrist
Go on.
Did you just say, "Go Mom"? Now who's the crazy one?
(In a self-help class in a mental hospital) It's just that in the alley, no one cares what I have to say, but here, I feel heard and accepted and dare I say... loved?
We gotta get out of here. The smoking breaks are too short, the food is good at best and the anti-depressants are making my mouth dry and happy.
(shouting) Can I get some glitter please?
Why don't we just call Hank?
No. Hank must never know we were in here. Our society stigmatizes the mentally ill... and rightfully so, these people are nuts!
(Hank realizes he's all alone and sighs. Then he sees Khan starting to build a fence.) Hey Khan. I thought I heard someone mixing concrete.
KKhan
Oh, that's right. I'm building fence. Big fence. Eight feet tall between your house and my house.
Eight feet huh? Yeah, you see Khan, in this neighborhood, side fences have to be 5'6 or under. It's not in the code or anything, it's just something I'm trying to enforce.
KKhan
You really want to help me, Hank Hill? You keep your dirty little boy's hands off my innocent genius daughter!
Now what's that supposed to mean?
KKhan
Last night, I catch Bobby half-naked in Connie's room!
Bobby?!
KKhan
The truth about your little boy not so pretty after all, is it, Hank Hill?! He girl-crazy sex-fiend!
(feigning outrage) Well, that boy's gonna get a talking to, I tell ya what! (Hank walks away and secretly laughs) Whew.
KKahn
(yelling in Laotian)
I know a couple of those words. I better go. (kisses Connie goodbye)
Bye.
KKahn
I see you! KAHN SEE EVERYTHING!
KKahn
You know, you're not too big to be spanked, you dirty little hillbilly!
Aunt Peggy, Mister Kahn saw me naked!
(driving by on his bike) Oh man!
S4 E16Movin On Up
The only thing your roommates (ie: enemies) will understand is fear (ie: psychological warfare (ie: dirty tricks)). It worked for Dick Nixon. For example, get ahold of some goat's blood. Taint that blood. Then when your roommates need blood, give them the tainted goat's blood. It's a perfect plan.
I don't want to hurt anyone... I just want them to do the dishes.
Oh, well in that case stack the dishes in the shower. That's the way Nancy gets me to do them.
So you found yourself a project. Do you get the same, uh, high I get from lawn care?
S4 E17Bill of Sales
Of course, I'm still in the propane business.
S4 E18Won't You Pimai Neighbor?
Let's practice. I'll be Kahn. [clears throat] You are a dumb redneck!
That sounds more like Mihn.
[still imitating Kahn] Well, leave my wife out of this hillbilly!
[chuckles] He, he. I wish they'd move.
[seeing Bobby meditating like a sumo] No way. No got-dang way!
Let go of my finger!
You let go of my beer!
So help me, Bill don't mess with my trigger finger!
Oh, what are you going to do, shoot me with my beer? I don't think so!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.