Kahn Souphanousinphone quotes from King of the Hill

Hank Hill

Please, Kahn. You're burning them! That's too much char.

Shut mouth and open mouth.

Mr. Kahn, I'll have a Mai Tai.

(offended) What- what you think?! I work for Hank?!

Hank Hill

Uh, dad, this here's my new neighbor.

Dale Gribble

(sotto, to Cotton) He's Japanese.

No he ain't. (visually inspects Kahn for a moment) He's Laotian. Ain't you, Mr. Kahn?

Here's key. Lock little sticky. You got to rake it like there's no tomorrow.

Hank Hill

This is a car key.

Yeah, you win new car. This big game show. Just rake it stupid.

Hank

I think we lost them. We'll be okay.

Dale

Okay?! We're screwed!

Hank

No, we're American. We got to find a pay phone and hope Ross Perot's 800 number's still working.

Why you want to call that nut for? Border right there. Millions of people cross over every day. We can, too. No big deal.

Hank

Illegally? No! America is my country and I love her. I wouldn't enter her in any way that's unnatural.

Dale

We have no choice, Hank. The I.N.S. had their cameras trained on us. The border guards think we're smugglers. I'm too pretty to go to jail!

Do you remember your last promotion? We had pa son pate all night long. Make love to me!

No! [laughs]

Woah, boy howdy!

(yelling in Laotian)

Bobby

I know a couple of those words. I better go. (kisses Connie goodbye)

Bye.

I see you! KAHN SEE EVERYTHING!

You know, you're not too big to be spanked, you dirty little hillbilly!

Luanne Platter

Aunt Peggy, Mister Kahn saw me naked!

Joseph

(driving by on his bike) Oh man!

[Answering a knock at the door] Use doorbell, you idiot. [Kahn opens the door and sees Joseph standing there] Connie, it's for you!

If it's Bobby, slam the door in his face!

Oh, I wish it was, so I could!

Bobby

I kicked my dad in the crotch.

You kicked your father? We all have those feelings, Bobby. But, we never act on them.

(Talking to Bobby) I heard what you did to Chane Wassonasong -- unforgivable! But then I hear what you did to your father -- very funny. So I'm conflicted.

Peggy

Uh-huh, That's right, Bobby. I believe you will find that I have no testicles. Where's your secret weapon now, huh?

She bluffing! Finish her!

Hank

Where are you going to keep it, smart guy? It doesn't even fit inside your garage.

Uh, Maybe I keep garage inside SUV! (laughs) Kiss my ass!

Ted Wassanasong

Damn it, Kahn, do you want to join Nine Rivers?

Oh yes! Thank you, Ted!

Ted

Welp, you can forget it!

Ted

...Unless you can show Mr. Ho that Hank Hill would be the perfect Nine Rivers member.

What do you want with that chicken-fried loser?

Ted

The PGA has refused to have their tournament at Nine Rivers unless we attract at least one non-Asian member. You deliver me Hank, I will put you up for junior membership.

You will offer me full membership!

Ted

Associate membership?

Full membership!

Peggy

Hank, there's something I have to tell you.

Hank

You did what?!

Minh! Come quick! Hank and Peggy having old-school red-neck domestic squabble on front lawn!

Hank

How could you, Peggy?

Oh, I bet she burn the meat loaf!

Hank

It caused what?

Why he point at his crotch like that?

Hank

20% shrinkage?! You want me to put a patch on my what?!

OK, this going in a weird direction now.

Hey, Minh, this guy serious butt-kicker! Anyway, I sorry they kill all your friends.

Yes, that was unhappy for me.

Ted Wassanasong

I don't understand. How do you expect to parade around without your uniform?

Oh, my parading days are over. (Ted Wassanasong stares at him) It's like this, if you want someone to play golf with, give me call. If you want someone to feel guilty about the way they choose to live, call someone else!

Hank

Got-dang it! Kahn, that does it! I'm gonna kick your ass!

Hank Hill

You need to learn how to treat customers with respect and stop calling me a dang monkey!

ACK! Mr. Strickland, help me!

Damn it Hank, what the hell is your problem? Leave him alone!

Hank

I am sorry sir, but I cannot take this any more. I left Jeans West to work for one of the most admired businessmen in Heimlich County. Not for some lazy idiot who does not know what he is doing.

If I do not know what I am doing, how come I am one who mortgaged his house to buy this place? How come you are working for me?

Hank

Not any more I am not.

Hank, I hope you know that Scrubby's is part of the Strickland family. You quit this, you are quitting Strickland.

Hank

If you say so, sir.

Who need him? He not know how to double up on dreams. That is my secret to success.

Not bad. But I got my own little success secret: never kill the golden goose. Kahn, a business thrives on customer relations and back-breaking hard work, and that's the guy who gives it to you. Hank is the golden goose.