Kahn Souphanousinphone quotes from King of the Hill

Lucky Kleinschmidt,it was you and Luanne wasn't it? You trying to get in as much hanky-panky as you can before she has her baby?

Lucky

Not that there's anything wrong with your premise but no, it wasn't us.

Luanne

We haven't done in public since Lucky almost fell off a Ferris wheel.

Bill

I don't have an alibi.

You're Bill Dauterive, that's your alibi.

[after Hank catches Khan in his garage] Okay, okay, yes. I'm living in the garage because me and Minh, we got divorced.

Hank

Divorced? But we just saw the two of you together earlier tonight.

All for show. Divorce is a mark of shame in the Asian country club community. If they found out, I'd be the lowest of the low, like a Laotian Bill Dautrive. It could taint Connie as good marriage material in the eyes of the Wassanasongs.

Hank

Does Connie know about the divorce?

Yes.

Hank

That was unnecessarily dramatic.

Hank

So uh, how's Nancy liking her... truck?

Dale

She likes it fine. John Redcorn installed a charger at his place. Fine by me. Let his electricity bill go up. I win again! Wingo!

Hank

[his phone buzzes] Huh. Looks like Bobby and Connie are official.

Bill

Awww.

Boomhauer

Talkin' 'bout doin' dang ol' hard launch, man.

Hank

Wonder why they took so long to tell us.

NOOO! ANYONE BUT HIM!!!

DAMN YOU, BOBBY HILL!!!

Dad's stuff is all gone from the garage. Did he move back in?

[from across the street] No, I did not. I left, with my dignity intact!

I kicked you out! You were crying so loud, I could hear it through the garage!

[begins to approach] I was reading a sad book, called "our wedding album."

Hey, we agreed! You stay on that side of the street!

I don't understand. Dad, where do you live now?

Bill

With me! [Kahn sighs] Yeah, we're just two single guys having a grand old time! No wives, just vibes! All are welcome... except wives.

Ha! Hank Hill is holding an umbrella for a dog! Your life is falling apart!

Hank

Aren't you living with Bill?

No! Bill is living with me! ... at Bill's house.

Bill

Kahn, you sound troubled. Tough day?

Yes! I'm upset because Minh basically gets Connie the whole weekend! Stupid schedule.

Bill

[hugging Kahn] Shh-shh-shh. There, there, deep breaths, Kahn. [they breathe deep together] Don't let Minh push your buttons. That's what she wants.

I know...

Bill

Now, how about we go home, I make us some dinner, maybe draw a bath...?

With extra bubbles?

Bill

Let's start with the normal amount of bubbles and then we'll go from there.

Bobby Hill, put a shirt on, and step away from my precious daughter!

Bobby

Okay, but let's all remember who's the real bad guy here. The dog.

Hank

The dog wasn't the one engaging in amorous congress under my roof.

Peggy

It can't, because it has an inverted penis.

What's all the fuss?

Hank

Oh good. More people.

I caught your daughter participating in fatherless behavior with Bobby Hill!

Bobby Hill, did you de-flower my daughter?!

Bobby

No sir. We didn't even get to doing anything, we were just... warming each other up.

Hank

Stop!

Peggy

That's enough!

Ew!

Shut up! Shut up!

Bobby

Okay, I can see that tendons are a little high right now, do how about we all just get some sleep and talk about this over dinner tomorrow, which I'm paying for?

Bobby, we are not having dinner with you. Come on, Connie, let's go back home.

No! All you've done since I've been home is complain about dad and insult Bobby. I don't wanna be around that.

... Hey, Connie, why don't you sleep over at my place, just for tonight?

Ha! You mean Bill's place?

We can hang out and celebrate your birthday. Things are very mellow over there. Super chill.

And Bobby can come too?

[obviously uncomfortable] Of course! Because I support your relationship.

Bill

[hugging Kahn from behind] Yaaaay! The more, the merrier! Hank and Peggy can come too, if you'd like!

Peggy

Do not threaten us, Bill.

Bobby

I'm gonna go with Connie.

Hank

That's fine. Why don't you take those sheets with you?

Bobby

I'm glad we're getting to spend some quality time together, man to man. And not just any men, the two most important men in Connie's life.

Ugh...

Bobby

And hey, maybe if we get everything done in time, we could get lunch, or play nine holes of golf. Ten if you're nasty.

Bobby

What's wrong?

I hate you, Bobby Hill!

Bobby

... Oh.

I lost my marriage, I'm losing Connie, I live with Bill, and you're dating my daughter again! My life is shit! [sobs more]

Bobby

There, there. Can I do anything to help?

Open up the door and push me into traffic?