Emilio quotes from King of the Hill

Emilio

What's wrong, Chef Bobby? You look paler than usual. Like scared mayonnaise.

Bobby

Oh man, my parents want a tour of the place, and I haven't told my dad that I use Japanese Binchotan coals to cook instead of propane.

Emilio

So what?

Bobby

Emilio, my dad loves four things in life: America, my mom, me, and propane, and when I was a kid, depending on the week, propane would be above me on the list.

Chane

Hello. I'm the owner of Robota Chane, and we'd like to talk to the owner of this fine establishment.

I am the owner.

Bobby

But we spoke to a Mr. Yoshida on the phone.

That is me.

Chane

Dude, don't be a dick. Go get the owner. He's probably a little guy? Black hair?

Get out of my shop!

Chane

Look, I get it. You hate your job. Just tell Yoshida we're here.

Bobby

Chane, I think this is Mr. Yoshida.

Emilio

But you're black.

I was adopted as a baby by Makoto and Yamamoto Junko, and raised in Japan! I'm Japanese. You think coming in here with some token Japanese guy is going to make me sell out?

Chane

I'm Laotian.

Even worse! You think Asians can't steal culture from other Asians? Don't get me started on Hapkido. That shit's just Aikido for Korean.

Bobby

Mr. Yoshida, please! We've got a restaurant to run, and I'm turning a lot of people on to traditional Binchotan-flavored robata. Now why isn't that a good thing?

Still no.

Bobby

You don't understand! I'm down to my last box! I'll have to close my restaurant if I don't get more.

Good! You should have thought of that before you weren't Japanese!

Bobby

What?!

Chane

Now I know this guy's Japanese, 'cause he's stubborn as hell! Your loss, dude! We're gonna find another wood burner. Do you know who my father is? Ted Wassanasong.

Did he play for the Tokyo Giants?

Chane

What? No. But, he can do anything. In fact, he could start a Binchotan business and drive you out of the state!

Oh yeah? Well, then I'll just sue you for racial discrimination against black small businesses.

Chane

You can't play two race cards!

Emilio

Hijole, the cojones on this guy!

Chane

Man, if there was a Laotian martial art, I'd use it to kick your ass!

There is a Laotian martial art. It's called Muay Lao.

Chane

Don't tell me about my culture! It's called "suck it!"

Bobby

[busy cooking while on the phone] Oh, I'm so sorry mom, I totally meant to call you back and tell you that I couldn't make it today. We're behind in prepping for the Dallas Foodie Week, that is apparently THIS week, and not next week!

Emilio

I got the month right.

Bobby

In short, mom, no pickleball. But next week's wide open-

Emilio

No no no no!

Bobby

Dammit! We need a better system!

Bobby

I was thinking, maybe after this, if you've got things covered, I could make a... special delivery.

Emilio

Get outta here. Go see your girl.

Bobby

Are you sure? Because I could stay.

Emilio

You shouldn't work so much. When I was your age, I was sneaking outta my job all the time to see my girlfriend. And then I was sneaking outta her house to see my other girlfriend. And then they both found out, so I was sneaking everywhere.

Bobby

I'm so sorry. You're the Goose to my Maverick and I was saying that before they rebooted the franchise.

Emilio

Still haven't seen it, but now I guess I have time.

Bobby

I'll get Chane to hire you back. Please don't take another job.

Emilio

Okay, but I can't go that long without working. Last time, I got really into ceramics and day drinking.

Bobby

Emilio! My sweet, sweet man! Thank you for coming so fast.

Chane

We need you back, man. You can start right after you let us out.

Bobby

Really?

Chane

Yeah. Working here sucks. You can have it.

Emilio

I don't know. I'd love to come back, but I'm fielding a lot of offers from Michelin Star places.

Chane

We'll give you a raise.

Emilio

How big?

Bobby

Twenty percent?

Chane

Ten percent?

Emilio

Twenty-five. I'm also gonna need a title bump to Executive Sous Chef, and on Thursday nights, my Steely Dan cover band gets to play here.

Chane

I hate Steely Dan! I don't even know what genre it is.

Bobby

That's the first thing we've agreed on all night. Is it jazz? What is it?