Brittany Pierce quotes from Glee

Tina

Last week we were too sexy, this week we're too religious--we can't win.

Brittany

Now I know what Miley feels like.

Brittany

I love your Sweet Lady Kisses.

Santana

It's a nice break from all that scissoring.

Artie

Am I about to lose my virginity?

Brittany

Before our duet, we're gonna do it.

Kurt

So what are you going to be for Halloween this year?

Brittany

I'm going as a peanut allergy.

Will

[turns around and sees everyone as little kids] Okay, I definitely have a fever.

Looking good Puckerman. Someone's been eating their Wheaties.

[kisses his muscles] These guns are fully loaded.

Young Rachel

Mr Schue? I for one think we should use our set list for Sectionals to explore the ouevre of one Bernadette Peters.

Young Brittany

Someday, I'm going to Paris to visit the Oeuvre.

Young Mike

I just want to dance.

Young Mercedes

Mr. Schuester? You look a little green.

I'm Finn Hudson, the goofy Quarterback,

Santana

I'm Rachel Berry, his loud-mouth girlfriend.

Brittany

I'm Mike Chang.

Mike

[nods]

Rachel

Ladies, the Kurt/Karofsky bullying situation is getting way out of control. Kurt's miserable. He's losing weight and not in a good way and he's barely fighting me for solos anymore.

Tina

We've all been teased but something about what Karofsky's doing is so much worse.

Rachel

We're all lucky enough to have boyfriends on the football team. I say we band together and demand that they confront Karofsky.

Quinn

Okay, first of all, I'm not dating Sam. And second of all, I think you set the feminist movement back fifty years.

Rachel

Look, guys like Karofsky only respond to muscle.

Quinn

So, we're going to fight violence with violence?

Rachel

No! Look I'm not saying that we should hit him, I'm saying that we need to defend Kurt and there's strength in numbers.

Tina

So I'm confused. [Turns to Brittany] Are you and Artie officially dating now?

Brittany

Deal with it. When you guys ever fooled around, did he ever just, like, lie there?

Santana

[Walks in] Why didn't you tell me we were having a Glee girls meeting?

Rachel

This is a meeting for Glee girls with boyfriends. We're going to make them stop Karofsky from bullying Kurt.

Santana

Okay, I'm dating Puckerman.

Quinn

You're getting naked with Puckerman.

Tina

Besides, Puck can't mess with Karofsky. He's on probation. If he gets in a fight with him, he'll be sent back to juvee.

Rachel

Mm-hmm. So now if you'll excuse us.

Santana

[scoffs] You're so on my list, dwarf. [leaves]

Rachel

Look if something bad happens to Kurt and we didn't do anything to stop it, we'll never be able to live with ourselves.

Brittany

Pretty soon no one will bully us. Santa Claus can do anything and this year I asked for the Glee club to stop getting picked on.

Lauren

She's kidding, right?

Artie

Guys, this is serious. Listen up.

Brittany

Go Mercedes, go Mercedes, go! (smiles)

Mercedes

(sitting on Santa's lap) I've been a very good girl, Santa. I want a pony and a dolly that laughs and cries and...one of us smells like McDonald's.

Lauren

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want Puckerman to love me. He's a fox. And I want sweet potato fries.

Santana

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want bling. I can't be more specific than that. Okay hold up. Don't tell that's a roll of Certs in your pocket. (gets off)

Artie

(nodding)

Quinn

(sitting on Santa's lap) Do you have anything for stretch marks?

Sam

(sitting on Santa's lap) Chapstick. Lots of Chapstick.

Mike

(sitting on Santa's lap) I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.

Tina

(sitting on Santa's lap) When does Asian Santa arrive?

Next.

Brittany

(to Elf Lady) Just know, you have rights.

Ho, ho, ho.

Brittany

(sits on Santa's lap)

What's your name?

Brittany

Brittany. You've gotten really tan.

That's because in the North Pole there is a hole in the ozone.

Brittany

(laughs) You're amazing. I know you're really busy so I only want one thing for Christmas. (points to Artie) Do you see my boyfriend over there?

Artie

(waves)

Artie

(frowns)

(turns to Artie)

Artie

(shakes his head no)

Um...sure. I'm on it.

Brittany

Thank you Santa.

Artie

Now we're screwed.

Brittany

(hugs Santa)

She put husky to good use.

Brittany

Was her name Rickki Lake?

Tina

Artie.

Artie

(standing up with machines supporting his legs and his hands gripping on canes)

Brittany

(gasps in shock)

Sam

How the hell did you afford that thing?

Brittany

I didn't buy it. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was a Transformer.

Artie

(turns to Santana) I assumed her dad got it for me but he has no idea. He went to take a long poop and then it was there.

Rachel

So if no one knew who bought it for you then-

Brittany

Santa brought it.

Mercedes

Santa.

Artie

(nods) Santa.

Quinn

A real Christmas miracle.

(watching and smiling)

Quinn

I'm torn.

Santana

Well, I'm not.

Brittany

I'm Brittany.

Will

Okay guys, I've got one word for you.

Brittany

Is it love? I'm totally going to graduate now!

Santana

Fine. [gets up and leaves]

Will

Santana.

Brittany

[comforting Santana] Maybe try rocking back and forth. People do that in movies.

Santana

[crying] No 'cause I just try to be really, really honest with people but I think that they suck, you know?

Brittany

Yeah.

Santana

No one gets it.