Gilmore Girls quotes

Sookie

Well, ever since I got pregnant, I've become very nurturing toward all living things. Jackson, too.

Lorelai

Well, both your bodies are changing.

Sookie

Yesterday.. .ugh, it was awful. Jackson moved a table and just kind of nicked this spider. He didn't see the little thing, and just clipped one of its legs. And it was having trouble walking and we were so upset, but Jackson made a new leg for it out of a paper clip, but jamming the clip into the spider killed it instantly. Little Satchmo.

Lorelai

You named the spider Satchmo?

Sookie

After Jackson's uncle.

Lorelai

Oh, mime. That reminds me – Yale, best drama school bar none. Put that in the pro column.

Rory

I'm not taking drama.

Lorelai

No, but it means you'll have the best on-campus productions. You'll get to see the next Meryl Streep all goofy and eighteen and doing crap like, "Hey, name an occupation!" "Plumber!" "Name a farm tool now!" "Tractor!" "Hey, I'm a tractor doing. . .plumbing."

Rory

"Where are you going? I told you to take out the garbage!" "Nag, nag, nag. I wanna watch football and sit in my reclining chair." "Get back here or I'm gonna get you. . ." [sees Lorelai] Oh, hey, guys, hold on a second.

No, keep going.

Rory

Oh, calm down there, little scooter. I'll be right back.

Lorelai

Hey Shari Lewis, how's the show going?

Rory

Oh, they're riveted.

Lorelai

Okay. [to kids] Hey, guys, go on over to the diner and have breakfast with your families, and then ask the nice man in the baseball hat and the flannel shirt to do sock puppets for you. And if he says no, just ask him louder – it's part of the game!'

Emily

Take the cake into the kitchen now, Teresa.

Lorelai

Wait, aren't I supposed to blow out the candles?

Emily

Oh, Teresa can do that.

Lorelai

Mom, it's tradition for the person whose name is on the cake to do the blowing.

Emily

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought only children liked to do that. Shall we bring it back out and relight it?

Lorelai

No.

Richard

Well, would you like to make a wish and blow out the tapers?

Lorelai

Why am I being mocked on my birthday?

Richard

Because it's the Gilmore way.

Taylor

I'd like the wording to be a little harsher.

Taylor, it already says that if Aunt Tilly's Taffy delivers even 2 hours late, they forfeit all payment for that particular shipment and are liable for any loss of income that may result from that late delivery. It's pretty extreme.

Taylor

It may seem extreme, but those candy people are shifty characters.

Why don't we leave the wording as it is for now and see how things go. We can get tougher later if necessary.

Luke

Yeah you could send over a couple of oompa-loompas to kick the crap out of Aunt Tilly.

Richard

This was my favorite thing to eat as a boy. My Gran used to make this for me whenever I was feeling a little sad. You know, if my cricket team lost or a girl I fancied, turned up her nose at me.

Lorelai

Well, then load me up, because there was this cute chick at the pharmacy today. I used my best material on her and nothing.

Emily

Richard, at least let Pena serve it.

Lorelai

No comment on my lesbian hilarity? My, how far we've come.

Richard

Well, I have something for you.

Lorelai

Is it a hat?

Richard

No.

Lorelai

Is it a purse?

Richard

No.

Lorelai

Horse?

Richard

Lorelai.

Lorelai

George Foreman Grill?

Lorelai

Seventy-five thousand dollars. Seventy-five thousand dollars. Oh my God, that’s like 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.

Richard

What are Jimmy Choos?

Lorelai

Shoes.

Richard

150 pairs, that’s it?

Lorelai

Dad, they’re Jimmy Choos.

Richard

For seventy-five thousand dollars, you should be able to buy at least three or four hundred pairs of shoes.

Lorelai

Not Jimmy Choos.

Richard

But that’s ridiculous. You are not going to spend seventy-five thousand dollars on Jimmy Choos when you could buy four hundred pairs of less prestigious but I’m sure equally stylish shoes. You will shop around first. Is that clear?

Lorelai

Yes, sir.

Zack

Whoa, cool.

Dave

We all finished at the same time.

Lane

That has never happened.

Brian

The middle of that song didn't even sound like us.

Dave

Yeah, it sounded good.

Rory

It sounded great, guys. All of it. Didn't it?

Jess

Not too shabby.

Dave

We are so ready for this gig.

Lane

We've got a gig. I just love the sound of that.

Jess

Where is it?

Lane

Kyle from school. His parents are going to Marriage Encounter for the weekend so he's throwing this mondo party.

Jess

You got enough songs?

Dave

We have enough for two half-hour sets. What we need is a name.

Brian

I made my suggestion.

Zack

Yeah, and we vetoed "The Harry Potters." Next.

Brian

So yours is better?

Zack

"Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert" is memorable and classy.

Brian

I run out of breath every time I say it.

Zack

You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name.

Dave

Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses.

Brian

Even without an inhaler, "Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert" is too long.

Zack

Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to FTTTEOTD.

Rory

Guys, that was amazing. Really, it was awesome.

Dave

Thanks.

Zack

Dude, you did good, you really did. But you got a little too close to me when you were singing into the mike.

Brian

I got as close as I had to.

Zack

Your nose touched my cheek, man. That's too close.

Lorelai

Do not eat chips out of a communal bowl. You might as well stick your hand in a toilet.

Rory

Nice.

Lorelai

If you're desperate, offer to be the person who replenishes them with new bags and grab a handful out of the new bag and dump the rest in the communal bowl.

Rory

Got it.

Lorelai

And keep in mind that getting up on a table and performing a song of any kind will haunt you for the rest of your life. Trust me. Been there, done that.

Rory

I wasn't planning on doing that.

Lorelai

Hon, those things are never planned.

Rory

It's a Friday night. We should be out, I don't know, partying with the homies.

Lorelai

Our Stars Hollow homies are all in bed by now.

Lorelai

Okay, I didn't bring a frickin' tape measure. I'm not good at judging distances. You'll have to help me out with the ten feet thing.

Max

Well, it's a little bigger than a basketball player. Just keep a really big basketball player between us.

Lorelai

Wow, I bet there's a sentence that's never been uttered before

Lorelai

Hey, Luke.

Luke

I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.

Lorelai

Sure, yeah.

Rory

Ten minutes is great.

Luke

And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.

Lorelai

And then hopefully got your hearing checked.

Luke

Can I finish my story?

Lorelai

I'm just saying, that's a lot of rings.

Luke

And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with "Tess". So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the hummel.

Lorelai

The what?

Luke

Exactly.