A few weeks ago you told me that Lane had a crush on me. Well, I have a crush on her, too. Now, I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I'm a good person. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I've never gotten a ticket, I'm healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it's a waste of time and partly because there's nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don't drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I'm happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don't mind wearing a tie. I enjoyed playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.
[Mrs. Kim is silent.]
Mrs. Kim? Please don't make me repeat that list again.
"Let never day nor night unhallow'd pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done."
[Dave and Lane walk outside.]
Did you hear what she said?
Was it a yes, was it a no?
Well, it's gotta be from the Bible, right? So I'll just go home, do some research, look on the Internet, see what I can find. I'll call you when I know something.
Hey, here's a picture of Kirk pinned by the casket.
Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
Man, it's bad enough this had to happen, but his pants splitting on top of it?
Yeah. I hope he never takes too close a look at his life.
Amen. So this goes on the fridge, right?
"Where's the ladies room?" "More coffee, please." "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?"
We do not need to know how to say "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?"
When we're in Spain, we need to know how to say, "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?" When in France, "Does Johnny Depp live near here?"
When in Rome, "Does Gore Vidal live near here?"
You know, you look like me, yet my ways are completely lost on you.
Hm? Oh, I found that if I focus too much on one subject, I start to get a little punchy. This way, when I hit Bolshevik Revolution overload, I just shift over here and, oh, hello, Anne Boleyn is going down, and then when that gets too depressing, it's right over to calculus.
Saving the party subject for last, huh?
Now no one's around, but the second I run that light, a police car, four helicopters, the Canadian mounties and the crew of Cops jump out of a dumpster and I'm toast.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, my friend.
Relax, I'm okay with you making valedictorian over me.
Sure. I actually googled the personal histories of Ivy League valedictorians going back twenty-five years, and found some enlightening statistics. They don't necessarily do too well in later life, did you know that?
Oh, yeah. A lot of business failures, crumbled marriages, suicides, obesity.
A bunch died in car crashes, several did time, one suffocated when his cat fell asleep on his face.
Moving on. Now people, I know it's an unpleasant subject, but the deer population in this town is reaching monstrous proportions.
He's always going on about the deer.
But they're taking over the town. We need to institute partial elimination.
MMorey
Partial elimination?
GGypsy
You wanna kill the little romping Bambis?
People, do I have to detail the problems that these deer cause?
Lyme disease, auto accidents, plane accidents.
Yeah. Those ones you can snuff.
Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students, family and friends, welcome. We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes and seconds and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is, because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who've been my mentors, so many people who've shaped my life, and my fellow students lives impermeably and forever. I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric, but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything. Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars, without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild. But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore...
[With tears in her eyes] Uh, oh -
[Also on the verge of crying] Hang in there.
My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her...
[Slightly crying] Crying a little.
Crying a little, but not blubbering. That's what we meant when we said no crying. No blubbering.
[Tearfully] Thank you Mom, you are my guidepost for everything.
On the verge of blubbering here.
[Choked up, tearfully] Not doing too well myself.
[Looks over to see Luke] Not you, too.
[Tearfully blubbering] I'm blubbering, you freaks!
Hey Rory, I don't want you to freeze out your dad because I am.
Because I'm fine if you want to go back to the way things were.
I think that would be a little hard this time.
OK ,maybe not now, but eventually.
Eventually maybe, but for now, Solidarity, sister.
You've been waiting 6 weeks to do that, haven't you?
