Taylor Doose quotes from Gilmore Girls

Babette

You get dumped on, Taylor?

Taylor

It's not just me.

Luke

If anybody has a picture of Taylor being dumped on. I'll pay top dollar.

Kirk

I'll check the Internet.

Miss Patty

Taylor, all animals have to… you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?

Taylor

Easy. Put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures, then when they land — pow! They're shish-kebabs.

Rory

That's cruel.

Babette

You can't do that.

I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.

Lorelai

There it is — our new town slogan.

Rory

I like it.

Lorelai

I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.

Rory

Don't forget stuffed shish-kebabbed birds.

Lorelai

That moan when you squeeze 'em.

The church is exempt from your town statutes, Taylor.

We answer to a higher authority… like the hot dog.

I laugh every time you say that.

I know. Funny is funny.

Taylor

Well, I can guarantee that God does not want this either.

Did you hear that, David? Taylor Doose is in direct communication with God.

Thirty years I'm working for God, I haven't received so much as a card.

Is it by phone that you speak with him, Taylor?

Do you have a God phone, Taylor?

Taylor

Rabbi, please.

What's he like? For us common folk who've never met him?

Is he short, is he tall?

Does he like to laugh?

Is the whole shellfish thing really serious? Because, I gotta tell you, some of these Red Lobster commercials…

Taylor

I will be managing the event and emceeing. Uh, Miss Patty, you will be stage-managing. Uh, Lorelai, if you could help organize the costumes?

Lorelai

I'm here for you and your sexy beard, Taylor.

Taylor

[dressed "incognito'] Well I should go.

Lorelai

Back to 8 Mile?

Taylor

May I have your attention, please? I'd like to welcome you all to this Bon Voyage in honor of one of Stars Hollow's favorite daughter, Miss Rory Gilmore! [gestures to her and everyone applauds and cheers] I've known Rory as have most of you....

Emily

Have you given any more thought to my spa idea?

Lorelai

Oh, yeah. I don't think I'm interested, though.

Taylor

...pregnant with pride and anticipation. Ready to birth you from our collective womb, fully gestated, and nourished, and so we breathe deep and with these last painful contractions, we push you out into the world, spank your bottom, and wipe the amniotic fluid from your eyes, as you issue your first independent breath.

Emily

Is this speech making you a little queasy?

Lorelai

A little.

Taylor

Rory, would you like to say a few words?

Rory

[coming up to the front] Thank you, Taylor, for that very unique tribute. Um...I love this place. I just loved growing up here. I love all of you, and thank you so much for doing all this. It's amazing, it's just...it's so...oh, gosh, I'm on the verge of gushing, so I'm just going to stop myself. I don't want to gush, except for one more thing. To my mom, who...is just everything to me, and everything I am, and who I'm going to miss so much.