Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

One sec. You know Mom, I hate to bring this up, but I think there's a really obvious solution to our problem.

Lorelai

I know hon.

Rory

You do?

Lorelai

Yes. And frankly, I think if I sold you into white slavery, I would miss you.

Lorelai

Oh, oh. Well, uh. . .ugh, why don’t we move Aunt Cecile? She was always so annoying at parties. She loved the knock-knock jokes.

Rory

Mom!

Lorelai

What?

Rory

You can’t just kick out Aunt Cecile.

Lorelai

Knock-knock. Who’s there? Pineapple. Pineapple who? That’s where it ended. Never fully grasped the knock-knock concept.

Emily

She was a complete idiot. Okay, it’s decided – Cecile goes.

Dean

Why would he do this?

Rory

Maybe he was hungry.

Dean

He’s trying to make me crazy.

Rory

Just don’t let him.

Jess

I gotta tell you, of all the nutty barn raising shindigs this town can cook up, this one wasn’t half bad.

Dean

Glad you enjoyed it.

Jess

Yes I did. So shall we?

Dean

"Shall we" what?

Jess

Shall we go?

Dean

Go where?

Jess

Go eat.

Dean

Excuse me?

Jess

The person who buys the basket wins the company of the person who makes the basket for lunch. Basket. Basket maker. Guy who didn’t bring enough money.

Dean

You think this is funny.

Jess

Well, it’s no Lenny Bruce routine, but it has its moments.

Dean

Bye, Jess.

Jess

Where you going?

Dean

You’re the one who’s going.

Jess

Oh, as soon as Rory is ready.

Dean

She’s not going with you.

Jess

Really, is that true?

Dean

Yes, it’s true.

Jess

Excuse me Edgar Bergen, I think I’d like Charlie McCarthy to answer now.

Dean

Shut up.

Rory

Dean.

Dean

What?

Rory

Well…

Dean

Oh, come on!

Rory

It’s tradition.

Dean

I don’t believe this.

Rory

It’s true. My mother and I have been doing this every year since we moved here.

Dean

So, buck tradition.

Rory

Are you kidding? Do you remember how mad Taylor was when I was sick and I couldn’t go to the turkey-calling contest?

Dean

This isn’t school, you’re not getting graded.

Rory

Just don’t make this into a big thing.

Dean

Don’t go.

Jess

Oh, geez, man, she’s not shipping off to ‘Nam.

Dean

You SO need to shut up now.

Rory

Well, having company is about making sacrifices.

Lorelai

Martha Stewart?

Rory

A paraphrased Proust.

Lorelai

I think I have gangrene.

Rory

You do not.

Lorelai

And vertigo.

Rory

Oh boy.

Lorelai

And one leg suddenly feels shorter than the other.

Rory

This is gonna be the Vanity Fair paper cut incident all over again, isn’t it?

Paris

We’re friends?

Rory

I’m not sure if there is an exact definition for what we are, but I do think it falls somewhere in the bizarro friends-ish realm. Come on, stay.

Paris

Okay. But if you’re doing all this so you can freeze my bra, I’ll kill you.

Rory

Duly noted.

Jess

Who was that on the phone?

Rory

No one

Jess

No one wouldn't be happening to be heading over here right now would he?

Rory

Jess...

Paris

What's going on?

Rory

Nothing

Jess

Dean's on his way over and Rory doesn't want him to find me here

Paris

Why?

Jess

Yea, why?

Rory

You know why

Jess

Just eating dinner

Rory

Jess, I'm asking you as a friend, just please leave, now

Jess

Do you really want me to go?

Rory

I really want to avoid a fight with Dean

Jess

OK, I'm going

Rory

Thank you

Jess

Ow!...oh...

Rory

What?

Jess

: I just twisted my ankle, I better go lie down

Rory

Jess...

Jess

God, you're no fun when you're tense! Are you sure you want me to go, cause maybe this whole thing can be solved between me and Dean if we just sit down and had a little heart-to-heart. He could tell me his issues, I'll tell him mine...

Rory

Jess!

Jess

I promise to speak slowly

Rory

Bye!

Jess

OK, well give him my best would ya...actually, I guess I could do that myself.

Rory

Dean, Jess just came by to bring me some food.

Jess

From Luke's.

Rory

He wanted to make sure I ate.

Jess

Luke did.

Rory

Right, Luke did.

Jess

Personally I could care less if she eats.

Rory

Yea, true, he could care less.

Jess

I see you brought a little something too...is that ice cream? That's so nice! A tiny little ice cream package just big enough for two. Hey, are you guys gonna feed each other, cause that's just so darn cute...oops. You're doing that towering over me thing, huh, I tell ya, you've really got that down. it helps that you're 12 feet tall but this Frankenstein scowl really adds to the whole...

Rory

Jess!

Jess

OK, I'm going. Look man, I really was just droppin' off some food, so don't get all West Side Story on me, OK?

Taylor

Mhmm, just what I thought. This is not the proper permit for this kind of business. This is a type 24B otherwise known as a cart, kiosk, cart/kiosk permit. This is not valid for your business.

Why'd you say it twice?

Taylor

Hmm?

Babette

You said cart kiosk cart kiosk!

Lorelai

Its repetitive

Rory

And redundant

Lorelai

Its repetitive

Rory

And redundant!

Lorelai

We certainly are entertaining, Mac!

Rory

Indubitably, Tosh

Rory

Okay, that's a good idea. But, if we went with that, we'd actually have to build a robot.

Madeline

Yeah?

Rory

And how do you suggest we do that?

Madeline

(points to Brad) Well, he looks like he's built one!

I've never built a robot!

Louise

(leans over toward him) But you've tried haven't you?

Yes I have.

Lorelai

I hate crossword puzzles. They make me feel stupid.

Rory

Then don’t do ‘em.

Lorelai

Well, but if you don’t do them, you’re not only stupid, you’re also a coward.

Rory

What?

Lorelai

Nothing. Are you tilting?

Rory

No.

Lorelai

I think you’re tilting.

Rory

I’m not tilting.

Lorelai

Do you wanna hold onto my purse? It might even you out.

Rory

Stop anytime you like. What are you doing?

Lorelai

Well, I’m gonna get a pen and put it on top of your head and see if it rolls off.

Rory

Okay, see, this is not how you console the injured.

Rory

What does a stroke feel like?

Lorelai

I dunno. Bad.

Lorelai

Is Jackson in the house? Lemme hear ya say "ugh".

Ugh.

Lorelai

A new toy.

Rory

Shameless.

Lorelai

You are my favored eldest child. You get to stay by my side.

Rory

I feel privileged.

Lorelai

Huh. You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world.

Rory

Huh.

Lorelai

I mean, think about it. You never hear the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.

Emily

Oh, dear God.

Lorelai

Poodle is another funny word.

Emily

Please drink your drink, Lorelai.

Lorelai

In fact, if you put oy and poodle together in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catch phrase, you know? Like, oy with the poodles already. So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catch phrase.

Rory

Oy with the poodles already.

Lorelai

I'm telling you, it's knocking ‘whatcha talking ‘bout, Willis?' right out of first place.

Emily

Lorelai, for God's sake, be quiet.