Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

Not at all sad?

Rory

About getting my arm back? No.

Lorelai

Really? ‘Cause I’ve kind of gotten used to Casty over here. I mean, we decorated him, we talked to him, we protected him from getting wet in the shower.

Rory

Okay, it’s time to wean you off of getting attached to inanimate objects.

Lorelai

Casty, no one understands you like I do. What? No, I did not know Mr. Band-Aid said that to you. Ugh, I will talk to him when we get home.

Rory

[at Sookie's wedding] What are you doing here?

Jess

Hello to you too...You look nice.

Rory

Thank you. What..what are you doing here?

Jess

I'm going to move back.

Rory

What?

Jess

I'm going to move back.

Rory

But..But why?

Jess

Just wanted to...

Rory

Oh my God, oh my God. [starts to run away]

Jess

Rory...

Rory

Don't say a word!

Jess

OK.

Rory

[While running away] Oh, welcome home!

Lorelai

So no offense but what's with that lame-o kiss?

Rory

What?

Lorelai

You and Jess, you look like a couple of chickens pecking each other.

Rory

Mind your own business.

Lorelai

Well it was right in front of me.

Rory

So, I don't need a review.

Paris

My Thanksgiving is turning into a Wes Craven movie.

Rory

How so?

Paris

I called shelters to volunteer to serve food. It’s Thanksgiving – you’d think they have needs. Nope. Every stupid soup kitchen in town turned me down because they have enough volunteers.

Madeline

Bummer.

Paris

I’m on a couple waiting lists, but it doesn’t look good.

Rory

I’ve never heard of too many volunteers.

Paris

Who are all these jackasses who volunteered anyway? They can’t all be students like me. They’re not all putting it on a college application. I get something out of it and these other people don’t get a thing. Talk about selfish.

Lorelai

Okay, so monkey lamp’s in the closet, singing rabbi’s in a drawer, and all Spice Girl memorabilia’s under your bed. How do I look?

Rory

Like a woman who does not own any Spice Girl memorabilia.

Lorelai

You look pretty, too.

Paris

How many times do I have to tell them? You can’t put a two-inch ladle of gravy into a one-inch potato crater. You either need a smaller ladle or a bigger crater – otherwise, you get this.

Rory

Gravy on your asparagus.

Paris

Yes.

Rory

Paris, the cafeteria workers serve hundreds of students a day. A little gravy spillage is natural.

Rory

Which maid was it?

Emily

Gertha, the one from Hamburg, Germany.

Lorelai

Which one was she?

Rory

You remember. She was the one who you made all those Hamburg-hamburger jokes to.

Lorelai

God, I beat that dead horse.

Rory

With glee.

Emily

She was the clomper.

Lorelai

The clomper?

Emily

She'd be upstairs making the bed and it'd sound like a Munich beer hall rally.

Lorelai

That's why you fired her?

Emily

Yes.

Lorelai

Because she made noise when she walked?

Emily

Yes.

Lorelai

Was she a good maid otherwise?

Emily

What?

Lorelai

Besides the clomping, was she polite, on time, made sure the little fork went on the outside?

Emily

Have you been listening to me? She was not performing her duties as I wished them to be performed. Everything else is beside the point.

Lorelai

Well, I guess it’s always something, isn’t it?

Emily

What’s that supposed to mean?

Lorelai

It means you always seem to find the one thing about a maid that negates all of her good qualities. I mean, at a certain point, isn’t it just easier to let a couple things slide?

Emily

I see. So it’s my fault?

Lorelai

I didn’t say that.

Emily

No, Lorelai, you did. For years, I’ve been listening to you and your father and everyone else go on and on about how demanding I am, how I have to have things a certain way. Well, guess what? I pay to have them that way. I pay more than anyone else pays their maids, and when things are not the way I want, that means I’m not getting what I paid for. Why is that so hard to understand?

Lorelai

It isn’t hard to understand, it’s just –

Emily

If you pay for first class and the airline sticks you in coach, people expect you to be upset. No one calls you demanding or unreasonable. And yet here is this woman whom I pay more than she can get anywhere else in Hartford, whose severance package could finance a summer cruise down the Rhine, dragging me into court saying that I was unfair. Why? Because having paid for one thing, I’m not content with something else? That makes me unfair? Well, then, so be it. Let someone else pay first class and ride in steerage, not me.

Excuse me, Mrs. Gilmore, dinner’s ready

Emily

Thank you, Brooke, we’ll be right there.

Emily

Wait, wait, wait. Do you hear that?

Lorelai

Hear what?

Emily

Exactly.

Rory

I appreciate that. So, tell me, your cousin getting married Saturday, what’s his story?

Lane

James. Very quiet, kind of skulky, couldn’t meet anyone here, so his family arranged to have a girl shipped over from the old country.

Rory

I hope they cut air holes in the box.

Luke

So you’re gonna fish to fulfill your destiny?

Lorelai

That’s right.

Luke

And you’re gonna learn to fish to fulfill your destiny from a book?

Lorelai

Yes.

Luke

And you sanctioned this?

Rory

Yes.

Luke

Okay, Thelma, Louise, possibly there’s another way to learn to fish.

Lorelai

The Fishing Channel.

Luke

I fish.

Rory

You set my alarm for 5:15 a.m.

Lorelai

[walking into the kitchen] I know, and I did it for purely practical reasons.

Rory

Which are?

Lorelai

My alarm is just not as reliable as your scream.

Lorelai

[about a package] It’s from my mother.

Rory

What is it?

Lorelai

It’s heavy. Must be her hopes and dreams for me.

Rory

I thought she discarded those years ago.

Rory

Hanging out with Jess for most of the day, studying at night.

Lorelai

Cool. Alex and I are having dinner tomorrow night.

Rory

Good. That’ll make it nice and quiet for when I study.

Lorelai

I’m that loud?

Rory

You are when you dance around singing ‘Rory’s Studying’ songs.

Jess

[about Emily] Does she know what I look like?

Rory

I don’t think so.

Jess

Perfect. Find someone who vaguely resembles me. Take him. Just don’t kiss him goodnight.

Rory

Okay, what’s the packing crisis?

Lorelai

That’s the thing. I have no packing crisis. For the first time in my life, there is no packing crisis. See? This has never happened to me before. I’m all packed, ready to go, and fully confident that I have everything I’ll need or desire.

Rory

So you’re creating a crisis out of nostalgia?

Rory

We need a signal.

Lorelai

A kissing signal?

Rory

Something to avoid this.

Lorelai

Okay, um, how ‘bout I shoot off a flare when I’m outside necking with a boy?

Rory

You know what I mean.

Lorelai

Or I could bang on the door and yell, "Hey, we’re necking out here!"

Rory

I still say we need a signal.