Rory Gilmore quotes from Gilmore Girls

Rory

If the house was burning down, what would you save first, the cake or me?

Lorelai

Not fair! The cake doesn't have legs!

Lorelai

Hm, that Chilton has taught you some big words.

Rory

That's kind of the point.

Lorelai

They're taller.

Rory

Not this again.

Lorelai

There's more of them.

Rory

Mom, the flowers on the wallpaper are not growing or reproducing.

Jess

[looking at windows] So do these open?

Rory

Oh yeah, you just have to unlatch them and then push.

Jess

Great. Shall we?

Rory

Shall we what?

Jess

Bail.

Rory

No.

Jess

Why?

Rory

Because it's Tuesday night in Stars Hollow. There's nowhere to bail to. The 24-hour mini-mart just closed twenty minutes ago.

Rory

I'll have two coffees and two cherry danishes to go please.

Luke

Two coffees and two cherry danishes...

Rory

And some napkins...

Luke

One of these is for her, isn't it?

Rory

Who? Oh, no no no they are for me. I am super hungry today. I had to debate ordering three but I'll tell you how I feel after two.

Luke

Tell you what, I give you one danish and one cup of coffee - you can sit over there and when you are finished, right over there, I'll bring the second one.

Rory

You're really gonna just stand there and watch me eat a danish?

Luke

Cable is out and I'm starved for some entertainment.

Rory

Before I knew it, Grandma was telling me how important it is for a person to be properly presented to society.

Lorelai

Ugh!

Rory

And how every young girl dreams of this day.

Lorelai

Argh!

Rory

And how there are flowers.

Lorelai

Oh, Lord!

Rory

And music.

Lorelai

Please!

Rory

And cake.

Lorelai

Oh yeah, the cake's actually good.

Rory

And when I got back from Grandpa's office, they all invited me out onto the patio.

Lorelai

No no no, please tell me you did not go out onto the patio.

Rory

I went out onto the patio.

Lorelai

Ugh, Rory, that's like accepting the position as the drummer in Spinal Tap.

Lorelai

I swear, there is nothing in the world my mother is better at than getting someone to agree to something that in any other universe, they would never ever consider.

Rory

Mom.

Lorelai

I am still convinced she had something to do with Lily Tomlin doing that movie with John Travolta

Lorelai

See; now only a lady can gracefully walk around a room with a book on her head while eating Kung pow chicken. I mean a great lady can even spit the peanuts back into the container without anyone noticing.

Rory

Wow!

Lorelai

Yeah, well don't be intimidated. You have to practice and practice to get to my level.

Rory

Anyone want the last egg roll?

Dean

Err...no!

Lorelai

Hey, where are you going?

Rory

To get the last egg roll.

Lorelai

Getting the egg roll yourself?

Rory

Yes!

Lorelai

No, ladies never get their own egg rolls, ladies never get their own anything they don't even get their own ideas.

Rory

Oh boy!

Lorelai

They just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles, and they can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles.

Rory

Isn't there a moratorium on how long ladies are supposed to talk?

Lorelai

Err…no! Now repeat after me "I am completely helpless".

Lorelai

Ugh, they totally just snuck that modeling thing in.

Rory

Hmm, my mom's a model. Maybe you'll get to date Leonardo DiCaprio now.

Lorelai

Plus, now I have to plan the whole stupid thing.

Rory

"Lorelai Gilmore". Nope, doesn't sound model-y enough. You need something that stands out more. How about "Waffle"? We could call you Waffle and say you're from Belgium.

Lorelai

Okay, I'm crabby, I need to do something about it. [on phone] Hey Mom!

Emily

Well, hello.

Lorelai

So I went to my first Booster meeting last night, did Bitty tell you?

Emily

No, she did not.

Lorelai

Oh, well, maybe she's still stuck under that desk. You might want to send someone out there to look.

Emily

Well, it's certainly nice to hear you finally getting involved.

Lorelai

Yes, in fact we're planning a charity fashion show next weekend, and I volunteered to organize it.

Emily

Well, good for you.

Lorelai

Yes, and since I know how concerned you are about how Rory's perceived at Chilton, I knew you'd want to be involved somehow, so you're gonna be one of the models.

Emily

Excuse me?

Lorelai

Yeah, so it's next Saturday, be there at four, and we'll provide hair and makeup.

Emily

Lorelai, you can't be serious.

Lorelai

Oh, and we'll need your measurements also.

Emily

This is ridiculous.

Lorelai

Mom. You said you wanted me to be involved. Well, I'm involved now. Don't you want to do your part to ensure Rory's future?

Emily

All right.

Lorelai

Start measuring.

Rory

You feel better now?

Lorelai

Waffle's very happy.

Lorelai

That's what you got busted for, ringing a bell?

Rory

Yeah, mm hmm.

Lorelai

That's it? Bell ringing?

Rory

Yes.

Lorelai

Uh, were you at least smoking a Cuban cigar while you were doing it?

Rory

Mom.

Lorelai

No, I mean, bad girl. How many times have I told you not to ring bells?

Paris

Where's Tristin? He said he was coming with you.

Madeline

Oh, he's here. He just went over to the market.

Rory

What?

Louise

He needed cigarettes, just in case we didn't already know that he was bad.

Lorelai

What?! Why?

Rory

Because, Paris wants the first issue back to be a double issue, so we have to prep over break, and… she says the news never sleeps.

Lorelai

What about Paris? Does she ever sleep?

Rory

I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down.

Lorelai

[after the original Bracebridge Dinner is cancelled] Let's invite everyone!

Sookie

Everyone who?

Lorelai

Everyone everyone!

Sookie

Everyone everyone who?

Lorelai

Everyone we know, everyone we like...

Sookie

Let's invite everyone!

Lorelai

An out of control, over the top slumber party!

Sookie

I love it!

Rory

Me too!

Lorelai

Done! Spread the word.

Luke

I haven't said I'd come yet so I'm certainly not gonna suddenly become your messenger boy. [Lorelai gives him a glaring look] Eight o'clock?

Lorelai

Seven.

Luke

Right.

Lorelai

Hey Mom, you didn't make it back to the room last night. Did you get lucky?

Emily

Could you be any cruder?

Lorelai

Yeah, I could be cruder. Hey Mom, did you get lai...

Rory

Thanks for coming!