Dean Forrester quotes from Gilmore Girls

Lorelai

Rory likes you.

Dean

Yes, she likes me, but you're her best friend, and if you don't like me, I won't get anywhere.

Lorelai

I want to like you.

Dean

But you don't like me.

Lorelai

But I want to like you... and I usually get what I want.

Rory

You brought me to Beirut?

Dean

It's a salvage yard.

Rory

Ah. And yet it looks so much like Beirut.

Rory

I had no idea that three months was the car anniversary.

Dean

Four months you get a plane.

Rory

Boy, relationships sure have changed since I was a kid. [they lean back and look at the stars] I'm having one of those moments right now.

Dean

What moments?

Rory

One of those moments that everything is so perfect and so wonderful that you almost feel sad because nothing can ever be this good again.

Lorelai

See; now only a lady can gracefully walk around a room with a book on her head while eating Kung pow chicken. I mean a great lady can even spit the peanuts back into the container without anyone noticing.

Rory

Wow!

Lorelai

Yeah, well don't be intimidated. You have to practice and practice to get to my level.

Rory

Anyone want the last egg roll?

Dean

Err...no!

Lorelai

Hey, where are you going?

Rory

To get the last egg roll.

Lorelai

Getting the egg roll yourself?

Rory

Yes!

Lorelai

No, ladies never get their own egg rolls, ladies never get their own anything they don't even get their own ideas.

Rory

Oh boy!

Lorelai

They just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles, and they can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles.

Rory

Isn't there a moratorium on how long ladies are supposed to talk?

Lorelai

Err…no! Now repeat after me "I am completely helpless".

Richard

How tall are you?

Dean

Why? You wanna dance?

Richard

No, thank you. [pause] I appreciate the offer, though.

Dean

Why would he do this?

Rory

Maybe he was hungry.

Dean

He’s trying to make me crazy.

Rory

Just don’t let him.

Jess

I gotta tell you, of all the nutty barn raising shindigs this town can cook up, this one wasn’t half bad.

Dean

Glad you enjoyed it.

Jess

Yes I did. So shall we?

Dean

"Shall we" what?

Jess

Shall we go?

Dean

Go where?

Jess

Go eat.

Dean

Excuse me?

Jess

The person who buys the basket wins the company of the person who makes the basket for lunch. Basket. Basket maker. Guy who didn’t bring enough money.

Dean

You think this is funny.

Jess

Well, it’s no Lenny Bruce routine, but it has its moments.

Dean

Bye, Jess.

Jess

Where you going?

Dean

You’re the one who’s going.

Jess

Oh, as soon as Rory is ready.

Dean

She’s not going with you.

Jess

Really, is that true?

Dean

Yes, it’s true.

Jess

Excuse me Edgar Bergen, I think I’d like Charlie McCarthy to answer now.

Dean

Shut up.

Rory

Dean.

Dean

What?

Rory

Well…

Dean

Oh, come on!

Rory

It’s tradition.

Dean

I don’t believe this.

Rory

It’s true. My mother and I have been doing this every year since we moved here.

Dean

So, buck tradition.

Rory

Are you kidding? Do you remember how mad Taylor was when I was sick and I couldn’t go to the turkey-calling contest?

Dean

This isn’t school, you’re not getting graded.

Rory

Just don’t make this into a big thing.

Dean

Don’t go.

Jess

Oh, geez, man, she’s not shipping off to ‘Nam.

Dean

You SO need to shut up now.

Dean

Nothing to say?

Jess

Guess not.

Dean

That’s funny, you usually have something to say.

Jess

Guess I’m all talked out.

Dean

What’s the matter, Jess? Why you walking away?

Jess

It’s getting a little West Side Story here, Dean, and I gotta warn you, my dancing skills are not up to snuff.

Dean

But now’s your chance, there’s no one else around.

Jess

Go home. Cool off.

Dean

Come on, make one of your Boy Scout references, or a good Farmer John joke. I got my Doose’s Market apron with me: you want me to put it on, give you a little inspiration? I don’t get it, what happened, you suddenly like me now?

Jess

Oh yeah, I was just about to invite you campin'.

Dean

Good, okay, now we’re gettin' somewhere.

Jess

I’m not gonna fight you, Dean.

Dean

Why?

Jess

‘Cause if I fight you, Rory’s gonna think it’s my fault, so just forget it, okay? Just forget it. Go home. Let it rest.

Dean

So Rory’s got a nice little hold on you now, huh?

Jess

Geez. [Dean gets right in front of his face.] Don’t do that.

Dean

How does it feel?

Jess

It feels like I’m with Rory and you’re not.

Dean

You know, when all this happened with you and me and Rory, I figured I’d just stay out of everyone’s way, that that would be easiest. But now, I’m looking at you and I’m thinking, I’m gonna run from him? The Glad man? This is my town, I’m not hiding. And I don’t have be remotely calm around you anymore, and I like that feeling. I like it a lot. Happy Thanksgiving, Jess.

Is Jess your real name?

Jess

Yes.

Do you like it?

Jess

It's fine.

Would you rather be named Bill?

Jess

No.

Frank?

Jess

No.

Mike?

Jess

No.

Bob?

Jess

No.

Ed?

Jess

Does this belong to you?

Dean

Clara, you want a snowcone?

Yes, will you get me a snowcone?

Jess

Absolutely. Go stand in the middle of the street and wait for me, I'll be right back.

Dean

I gotta place an order.

Jess

Talk into the clown.

Dean

I am.

Jess

(annoyed) ... What do you want?

Dean

Six burgers, three with cheese; two cheddar, one Swiss. Two plain, one with chili, cheese and onions on the side... Your memory’s that good?

Jess

You’re screwing with me.

Dean

I’m placing an order.

Jess

For all of Connecticut.

Dean

For the construction crew next door.

Jess

Oh, you’re Taylor’s errand boy now.

Dean

And you’re Taylor’s waitress.

Jess

Say that a little closer.

Dean

I thought you had a girlfriend.

Jess

Give me your order and get out.

Dean

Service with a smile. Uh, six burgers, three cheese; two cheddar, one Swiss. Two plain burgers, one chili burger with cheese and onions on the side. Three ham on ryes; one mayo, one mustard, one combo. A combo means mustard and–

Jess

I know what a combo means.

Dean

Sorry, guess that confused look is just how your face is.

Jess

Do you wanna talk about this outside?

Dean

Just as soon as I’m finished. Uh, four hot dogs. Two egg salads on white. One chicken salad on wheat. A chef's salad with ranch. Five fries. Five onion rings. Two chips. Extra pickles.

Jess

On what?

Dean

Excuse me?

Jess

What are the extra pickles on?

Dean

On the side.

Jess

On the side of what? On the side of the burgers, on the side of the sandwiches, or on the side of the road where the ditch I’m gonna dump your body into is?

Rory

The sandwiches are for the dancers.

Jess

I’m dancing on the inside.

Rory

What are you doing here?

Jess

I live here.

Rory

You have nothing better to do than to sit around inside a gymnasium all day staring at a dance marathon?

Jess

I don’t know. [to Dean] Do you have nothing better to do than sit inside a gymnasium all day staring at a dance marathon?

Dean

I wouldn’t direct any sort of comment toward me if I were you.

Jess

I’m just trying to support my town.

Rory

Good, then go back to New York.

Jess

Ooh, zing! I’ve been snapped!

Rory

You think you’re bugging me sitting in front of me staring like that?

Jess

You think you’re bugging me dancing in front of me staring like that?

Rory

I’m not staring at you.

Jess

Then how do you know I’m staring at you?

Rory

I am dancing. I cannot control where my glance goes. And the few moments that I can control it, my glance goes to Dean, not to you.

Jess

So you can’t control when you look at me, but you have to force yourself to look at him? Sorry, man. That’s cold.

Dean

My former comment still stands.

Dean

I’m not her boyfriend anymore.

Rory

What?

Dean

You know, I tried to ignore this. I really did, but I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.

Rory

What are you talking about?

Dean

You don’t wanna be with me, Rory.

Rory

Yes, I do.

Dean

Oh, please! You’ve been into him since he got to town, and I have spent weeks – months, actually – trying to convince myself that it wasn’t true, that everything was fine between us. But now I know that I was an idiot. You’re into him and he’s into you, and Shane, who by the way, should be listening to this ‘cause it’s so damn obvious.

Rory

What’s obvious? What did I do?

Dean

Everyone can see it, Rory! Everyone. And I’m tired, but I’m over it, so go ahead, go. Be together. There’s nothing standing in your way now, ‘cause I’m out.

Dean

I'm just… trying to make sure that all this is really happening.

Rory

It is. [they kiss] Hey, you know what I think we need?

Dean

What?

Rory

A song. Like a song that's "our song."

Dean

Okay.

Rory

Something romantic, but not mushy, something that will make us remember this.

Dean

[chuckle] Ah, believe me, I'm remembering this.

Rory

Oh, I know. [She reaches over to the nightstand and loads a nearby CD into her player and turns it on] Okay. Perfect. So, from now on, no matter what you're doing, where you are, you'll stop and think of me when you hear this [clicks remote on. Sammy Davis Jr.'s "The Candy Man" plays]

Dean

[laughs] That's not gonna be our song.

Rory

Why not? It's perfect. It's happy. It's hopeful. It has the word "candy" in it. Hey, what is more hot than candy?

Dean

Pick something else.

Rory

[She bobs to the music beat and repeats the lyric in a high squeaky voice] "Who can take the sunrise… sprinkle it with dew?"

Dean

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll pick something else. [He struggles to snatch the remote from her]

Rory

No.

Dean

Hand it over, I can't take it anymore.

Rory

This is what happens when the women get the remote, ah-ha!